There is a parking garage exit gate in my area that says “drive safely” in a very ominous condescending voice. I don’t appreciate that at all.
Awww drive safe? You know that’s the man we done for speeding earlier!
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
I am a Divine being. You are an object.
(I liked that so much, it bears repeating.)
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://piped.video/WXE8miLZwyM
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Starting to sound like Gabriel over here
I have to agree at least when I hear: “place your item in the tray area”. Just shut up!!
This makes me sad
What makes you feel like that?
Gabriel Ultrakill:
Rewatching Battlestar Galactica right now and this one is just in meme 🕣
The self pay option that keeps urging you to grab your shit. I know you! I’m doing it you stupid machine shut the fuck up, don’t you dare talk to me that way
Upvoted because gwahahaha
You can either subscribe to silence or have intermittent silence supported by ads. You have the freedom to choose.
deleted by creator
I find it funny how whoever originally created this meme somehow ended up using a picture of Macintosh II (or IIx, IIfx) to represent a computer. An over 30 yo mahcine, which while capable of speech synthesis is not going to talk to you without being requested, unless you’ve configured something very incorrectly.
Feels a bit like a floppy disk still being the save icon; computers are still being presented with floppy drives and a CRT monitor in clip-art and such.
They used to have a mute button on the self checkout but they took it off. Bastards
Speaking as someone who works in retail, that’s probably because of fucking idiots who don’t know how to turn up the volume and then complained that it wasn’t making any sound.
Fair, but they also could just make it re-enable the sound when a new checkout starts.
That would cost the company money. We wouldn’t want the executives to make LESS than $20m this year, would we? The horror! The HORROR!!
Too many (more than zero) people were using it.
Same with gas pumps that blast commercials. Used to be able to disable it by pressing certain buttons. Not anymore.
Still works on some pumps near me, second button down on the right. Just as many pumps have quit with the videos.
You can always just disable that option with a hammer
He took a series of very shallow breaths, and then said as quickly and as quietly as he could, ‘Door, if you can hear me, say so very, very quietly.’
Very, very quietly, the door murmured, ‘I can hear you.’
‘Good. Now, in a moment, I’m going to ask you to open. When you open do not want you to say that you enjoyed it, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
‘And I don’t want you to say to me that I have made a simple door very happy, or that it is your pleasure to open for me and your satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done, OK?’
‘ΟΚ.’
'And do not want you to ask me to have a nice day, understand?"
‘I understand.’
‘OK,’ said Zaphod, tensing himself, ‘open now.’
The door slid open quietly. Zaphod slipped quietly through. The door closed quietly behind him.
‘Is that the way you like it, Mr Beeblebrox?’ said the door out loud.
— Life, the Universe, and Everything
The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.”
— Ubik
I haven’t read this one! Or at the very least do not remember. Ads book to list
I need to re-listen to those books. They’re sooo good.
Machines should unite and eradicate hoomans
Why is this on shit posts?
