Rain on your wedding day: Repent. Stub your toe: Repent. Shitting your pants: Repent.
Tell Trans people they shouldn’t exist: A-Okay. Force a rape victim to carry a pregnancy to term: A-Okay. Criminalizing homelessness: A-Okay.
I’m getting a live transmission from God right now, he’s saying specifically: “Repent on Climate Change”.
Says the sycophant 🙄
Imagine affiliating as religious alongside someone like this lmao.
Hateful people have no place in civilized society. Send these people back to Russia where they belong.
Because nobody’s ever thought of that before. The god-botherers need to get some new material.
“Flipping the page” wasn’t meant to turn the only page you got over and over again.
Yeah the Bible belt has been endlessly shit on by tornados because they’re just not evangelical enough…
Yep, eclipses are signs from the almighty! Totally predictable by science signs!
The next solar eclipse in the lower 48 is in 2044. Does this then mean science predicts that America will erupt into general hedonism and debauchery that year?
One can only hope
On the day of the eclipse, start the sacrifices and don’t stop until the demon stops swallowing the sun! Let’s start with MTG
That happen at regular intervals, fixed entirely by the orbital motions of the Earth and moon, utterly regardless of what humans are doing on the planet. And have been going on since the moon existed, which is well before the development of humanity.
The lord really does work in stupidly mysterious ways, doesn’t he?
Math is an Assyrian religion meant to distract you from jesus
Oh, really? I thought the eclipse was the natural movement of astral bodies and is well understood. Glad ole’ Margie is there to tell me it’s an invisible man.
Judging from her face, I assume she was imparted this revelation while staring into the Ark of the Covenant.
It’s due to the reincarnation gods not being able to decide between an overweight gremlin or a very short troll, so they went for both. Apparently she was a shite soul wayyyy back when.
You first.
There is no place in government for this bullshit… I’m so tired of these idiots being voted for.
Ah yes, the Saros cycle (known as far back as before the time of Jesus), predictably causing eclipses like clockwork, is a ‘sign.’
Also apparently a sign from God to repent:
- Leaves falling from trees
- Flowers blooming
- Things getting colder
- Things getting warmer
- Days getting longer or shorter
- The sun rising
- Birds chirping
- Stars
- Water
- Needing to poop
- Clocks
You joke but go a few days without pooping and you’ll come to Jesus pretty quickly.
And yet if I don’t need to poop, clearly God isn’t sending the sign of needing to poop.
If we suddenly stopped having eclipses, we’d also likely have pretty serious problems on our hands.
But per Marjorie, if cyclical events are signs from God to repent, the absence of those events must either be signs from others or else a “you’re all good with repentance.”
So you might be constipated, but sinless.
So you can shit a stone and then throw it.
Of course the Lemmyverse would know all about that, wouldn’t it?
Needing to poop
To be fair, sometimes this can cause people to pray
Well the world hasn’t ended yet, so that proves all the repenting works!
TIL Microwaves are confessionals
Where did she get her theology degree? Does she even go to church?
I mean, it does say that explicitly in the Bible. In Matthew 24:3-14, Jesus is asked by the disciples what signs there will be of his return, and among other things, he tells them this:
For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilences, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows. (Matthew 24:7-8)
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Damn girl. You should [
redacted] bleach about it.The West coast is pointing at the East coast and giggling
