Our DnD discord group has a whole ass ‘out of context’ channel. Best decision we’ve ever made, granted half of them is my character, the party clown. Here are some other bangers over the years:
- “She knows how to ride a clippity clop.”
- “Ah so you want it so when you die there’s a magical turfwar over your body.”
- “the horse is a horse…i dont think he understands the concepts”
- “It’s not Delivery, it’s Human Trafficking!”
- “Don’t tell my dad I died for toenails”
- “It’s pulsating. It shouldn’t be because it’s a fucking rock.”
- “Jesus Christ! I mean… Bahamut Jr!”
- “There was a scary forest!” “SCARY FOREST IS NOT AN ANSWER”
- “That’s Renn! He’s like a dead squirrel.”
- “Who wants to do coke with the illithid?”
- “I agree, other voice in my head.”
- “When a corpse bee and another corpse bee love each other and don’t dance…”
- “I emotionally abuse you and you bring me waffles. Thanks babe.”
- “Does your house have a garden?” “Probably.”
- “Should I go… unwhisk it?”
- “I heard it from the Oracle Beyoncé.”
- “HOW DO YOU LISTEN TO AN EAR?!”
- “I’m sorry Renn, I love you, but fuck the rich.”
- “I forgot that we have one brain cell in the party and it currently blinked away.”
- “We can have one little terrorism. As a treat.”
- “Hey, it’s not our fault this Earth Elemental is made of door.”
- “Roll a d20.” “10.” “…fuck.” “Does that fuck up your plans or mine? (Panicking)” “Yours.” “…fuck!”
- “If you would be inclined for a little adventure today, would you mind following me? Oh and it’s mandatory because I’ve already made arrangements.”
- “Can we just like acknowledge that she just did the anime “Oh ho ho ho!” laugh when you called her out on that?”
- “You ripping peoples faces off, that’s entirely on you. Get some help.”
- “I’m-uh-w-Lady… I’m not above hitting a woman.”
- “I have cocaine, does that count?”
- You ate a goodberry so you should be full for the rest of the day" “True” “Well you can be full and a fatass” “Just shut up and play your silly little game with your silly little characters and don’t come for me like that”
- “Does a 26 hit?” “… fuck you.”.
- “Why doesn’t Misty have a mustache?”
- “No matter who you play you gotta either fuck with his body or his heart!”
- “The undead not dead thing is right” “Please call me Renn” “I’ll never remember that” “It’s literally shorter”
- “Why must I be surrounded by lesbians? … I fear your kind.” (For the record this was said by both a gay character and player)
- “Can I pick up Renn? He’s a twink, right?”
- “You’re a second rate duelist with a third rate meal”
- “Just gives me the confidence that she would choke me”
Okay sorry I ended up pasting way more in than I expected… I just love this group and don’t get to share these with anyone. Just such ridiculous nonsense.
Edit: Also I just remembered. I actually do have the context for that ‘no no thing’ line. That one is mine from my 7’2 barbarian aarakocra jokey boy. We recorded parts of sessions and caught the no no thing bit. Here if you wanna listen to it. although I don’t blame you the slightest if you don’t.
I’ve also got a stupidly long soundcloud clip of highlights from a game a couple months ago here. It includes a bunch of the quotes pasted above.
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“The illusory rabbit barbarian plants its feet, hefts its axe, rears back its head… and squeaks.”
Angry rabbit familiar: (absolutely living for it)
My cowardly wizard: (so damn proud of her for finally making a dude piss his pants)
Dragon cultist: (confused screaming)
“I’m going to walk back to the lake to have an existential crisis. Oh and on the way I cast Polymorph and turn our Ranger into a spider.”
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Can the bread make a will save?
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No, you’re still prone. You used Dimension Slide, not Dimension Rotate.
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Will a Limited Wish spell prevent you from being brain damaged?
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In a Palpatine voice: “Spicy beef”
“Have you ever thought ‘I’m kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to eat a whole potato’?”
“I don’t like the wanking corner”“Have you ever thought ‘I’m kinda hungry, but not hungry enough to eat a whole potato’?”
That’s blasphemy at our table.
Context
He was inventing crisps, and that was his sales pitch.
“It’s just a rocket launcher inside a small room. How bad can the results be?”
If all four of us work together we could drag the door.
Funny you should mention dragging a door, some friends and I managed to manifest a magical cart under some huge adamantine doors so we could cart them away. It was lovely.
This isn’t strictly no context, but it blew me away and I wanted to share it anyway.
I started D&D with the family over quarantine. They had a quest to clear the goblins out of a mine. They got inside and dealt with most of them. They over powered three of them and tied them up, so that they could be interrogated.
My 9 year old then decides he wants to murder them.
Our faces when we realised our child was a murderhobo.
- “there are no werewolves in the god damn park”
- “Fuck you I’m going to the Prince for this”…“ow hey why are you hitting me!?”
- “This has been a weirdly sexual night”
- “The sword of Cain has fallen and it fell where it pleased!”
- “If you do that you’re gonna have to drop your alignment to chaotic evil”
- “Turns out i can afford a rocket launcher”
“I cast longsword!”
“Does the paladin’s piss count as holy water?”
“You described the mech as being similar to a Gundam. So it’s a mobile suit? Does that mean I’m technically wearing it on my person?”
“Watch out for the ass-grabbing ghosts!”
“I struggle like a dog being given a pill.”
“No, don’t activate your telepathy! I don’t want your mind-herpes!”
“Wait, why is a duck that lays eggs named Mr. Quackers?” “Mr. Quackers can be whatever he wants!”
“I cast Prestidigitation and pee his pants.”
“Hey Nyarlathotep, wanna see something funny?”
That last one… oof risky
Well, that was after he decided to start living in my head, so I figured I might as well try to keep him entertained.
“DM, are we on drugs?”
“Birdie, I need a pipe bomb”
NPC: “It’s my job” Player: “everybody check your asses for bugs!”
“Why TF does it have thoughts, it’s not Rattatootoot”
(In the thickest Russian accent): “Still your fault, fuck you!”
“Fuck it, all the gnomes are French now, hon hon hon motherfucker”
P1: ”He checked my dick, my dick was fine” P2: ‘He sucked it dry it was so sublime’
”Can I store things in the dog?”
NPC: “Where are you going to get a baby dragon?” Player: “We’re going to make one”
“it’s not a nuke, is just a AOE building remover”
“we need a bigger nuke”
@nothacking @Stamets @rpgmemes
Thats just dnd in general right there
- “I think that Ashenthroat guy might be a Dragon in disguise”
- “Kill it!!! But don’t hurt it, awwww.”
- “Don’t worry GM, I wont make you improvise info on every single soldier NPC. - Ok, so you there, what’s your name and why are you here?”
- “If we take every hostile NPC we come across prisoner to await a 100% death-sentence, instead of killing them here and now, we’ll have to start building concentration camps soon and I don’t know if that’s actually better or worse.”
- “Maybe don’t kill the beast?” - “Too late, running now!”
- “Gentlemen, can’t we solve this peacefully?” - “Yes, of course, we’re always ready to talk. But only if it ends with you dead.” - “You seemed to have missed the point there.”
“But I don’t have a cloaca.”
Context, if you want it:
spoiler
I was playing a frost giant fighter, and I found a dragon egg. I asked the town vet (who the DM made up on the spot) how I could hatch the egg and raise the dragon as my own. The vet told me that dragons cannot be tamed, and that dragons bond with their mothers in the womb, and then, the egg must be laid. My line, “But I don’t have a cloaca”, and the vet shrugs. Queue Always Sunny theme music, “The Gang Kidnaps a Druid”. In the end, I gave birth to my dragon buddy, and I named him Pellinore, and we had many great adventures until I found a bell that reversed aging, and Pellinore turned back into an egg, and the campaign ended before he hatched, again. I’m GMing the new campaign that is all homebrew, and Pellinore is making a comeback, though.
