Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
Also I guess gay men don’t exist. But would not be surprised someone with such a bad take also has bad ideas about queerness
You are correct. People with these attitudes would prefer gay men to not exist.
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
No no, could’ve been how I worded it haha. It’s all gravy.
I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I don’t think the OP in the screenshot is describing a loving partnership though - the emotional support described is very much one sided.
There is no reason to assume that
Not when they see relationships as transactional
I choose a loving, varying therapist.
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
How do you figure that?
Because there are always exceptions.
Always.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
A therapeutic mommy!
reminds me of this scene from Bojack Horseman
If you thought women growing up with uncaring fathers was bad, wait till you meet men who grew up with uncaring mothers.
Twitter is where discourse goes to die
“All the battles he fought that day” sir your target audience mostly works in air conditioned offices with a coffee machine five feet from their desks, calm down.
That may be true, but office work definitely has challenges of its own.
Oh absolutely, it’s not that I have a problem with. It’s more the need that these losers have to lionise everything they do to the point of parody. Everything is framed in these grand terms of war and civilisation. They can’t just be having a rough day at work, they’re warriors fighting battles. They can’t just go to the gym to keep fit and improve themselves, they’re alpha males holding up the ideals of Western civilisation. They can’t just settle down and raise a family, they’re continuing the proud legacy of their forefathers and upholding family values. You get the picture.
It’s such a naked attempt to avoid anything that might be in the slightest bit emasculating and it’s honestly pathetic. They’re terrified of being perceived as anything other than a tough macho man that can only communicate through violence and threats. They think it makes then look like strong men when it actually does the opposite. Strong-willed people don’t talk like this.
Are you saying this because you are aware of that guy worldview (maybe you looked into him) or did you manage to infer all this from a single tweet?
Like, I agree about the substance if we are talking about the manosphere. But it seems a bit quick to assume this guy is part of “them” just from this, no?
I’m pretty familiar with this guy. This is what he’s like pretty much all the time. He’s very much part of the manosphere.
OK, fair enough. I had never heard of him.
Yeah, that is definitely quite silly.
Honey, can you come nurture and restore my energy? I’ve been sending emails all day.
I wonder if there’s a market for male-centric therapy. As in “I’ve got a loada wood that needs chopping. Come chop wood with me and we’ll talk about stuff”. You know, give 'em something to do with their hands while they talk. Obviously you probably couldn’t do that with someone who’s known for being aggressive and has a criminal record, but someone who has trouble talking about their feelings and doesn’t feel comfortable just sitting in a room or on a Teams call and would rather feel like they’re accomplishing something.
I just go out drinking with my buds and we vent about shit. There’s rarely any solutions but that’s because the shit we’re venting about is the world falling apart, not anything we can fix. But it does help a little to get it out of our system.
Yeah, it does exist. Usually in group settings. But not usually with sharp objects.
Like the boy scouts for adults?
This seems like a remarkably good idea but I still wouldn’t gender it. Say it’s “hands on therapy for physically oriented people” or something. I’m sure there are plenty of non-male humans who would benefit.
Hell, it might even work for my girlfriend who will go to insane lengths to avoid sitting down and having a conversation about anything personal. If it works, I owe you an upvote or something.
I’m a non-human who would absolutely love to be building shit while talking during therapy instead of using a fidget toy while avoiding eye contact because looking at someone looking at me and being vulnerable at the same time is NOT IT for me (yet).
It definitely works. Get into some hard work with another person - sweat, scream, and get bloody together. They’ll start talking deep shit soon enough (and so will you).
And it already exists, called occupational therapy or ergotherapy.
Occupational therapy is a thing, but it is a very different thing. Occupational therapy is part of rehab that helps patients regain or retain activities of daily living like dressing, bathing, and feeding themselves, etc.
And it can mean building something with them and then talking about how they are. I work closely together with OTs who do exactly that.
I don’t want to imagine what the insurance would be on a service like this. Customers chopping their own wood. That’s an OSHA violation waiting to happen.
Probably no worse than the bars where you can throw axes.
Does OSHA even still exist?
Well it’s a federal agency right so I assume everyone’s been fired.
Safety is so woke.
That’s called triangulation! Focusing on a different task makes it easier to have vulnerable conversations.
“all the battles he fought that day”
jesus, stop romanticizing having to deal with life dude. guess what, everyone does.
what are the odds that this guy lost his shit at the man vs bear question.
That part got me too. All the battles? Your fucking tps reports are battles? The person at dunkin got your order wrong, is that another battle for the day?
This is that meme where the shriveled up dude says “Stop giving me your toughest battles” and Jesus just replies with something like “you literally just have to put the shopping cart back when you’re done”
Obviously the man is better than the bear - all he wants from the woman in the woods is for her to live a life of servitude to him as his psuedo mommy, wife, child producer and lover, because he has epic Viking battles he has to deal with…. of taking the trash to the curb, and waiting in traffic to get to work, because therapy is too expensive, or feminine?
Lmao
I don’t like legitimizing Freud cause like all his ideas that permeated popular culture are total bull but holy shit, paging Dr Freud.
He’s next tweet… “Use my promo code to join Andrew Tates Hustlers Academy.”
Because the use of one takes away an unhealthy need for the other.
vomit
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
All women have to do is iron his shirt and make sure there’s food on the table when he gets in. He’s out in the real world doing manly things to bring home the bacon.
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.
A whole lot of people in this thread don’t understand that a therapist does.
I know right! It’s all “but men bruh” but who takes care of women?
I know themselves do, because no one will. But somehow that’s accepted, and men taking care of themselves and stop exploiting women isn’t?
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It’s a shame that in some cultures simple friendships men, women, mixed are not accompanied by physical touch too, like a hug. And also being able to talk openly about the struggles, like us women do with our friends. You get a lot from a friend’s hug or them listening to you.
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Endorphins from sex are absolutely not a long term mental health treatment. It might improve your mood at that moment, but not your health.
Ideally both, yes
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Maybe these men should stop seeing women as objects and relationships and transactions
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testosterone is the world’s most dangerous chemical.
It is literally the devil.
I hate it. Thanks for making the first reaction anger cunt chemical.
We use to jokingly say if my mom had had testosterone the world would have been in trouble lmao
That’s not on testosterone. At most it plays a part in it, but this behavior is the result of a patriarchal society. (Solely) blaming testosterone defends shitheels like this one, and diminishes people with testosterone-dominated bodies that are different
I am struggling to deal with j suicidal thoughts about how awful i must be because I am a man. Like I sometimes think there needs to be a brutal cleansing.
You don’t owe anyone anything. You did not choose to be born, you were thrust into existence and it is unfair to you to feel like you ought to “get out of everyone’s way” via suicide. The world put you here, not you. Even if you earnestly think you are awful because you are a man.
Further you almost certainly aren’t awful, because you feel empathy for the rest of the world because you want to avoid being a burden to them. Awful people don’t give a shit if they hurt other people or the world.
A side note, if you really think because you are a man specifically that you are awful: You might unironically just want to transition into a woman.
Thank you. But I never really felt like a woman either to be honest. And frankly I don’t think it will help, it will just make me a target and frankly there are a lot of liberal I think are only performative in the stance on trans rights.
There are plenty of examples of wonderful men, go find one and make friends with him. Unless you mistreated women constantly, why would you think, by default, that your are awful?
It’s just easier. Like, the left can recruit a lot of these young men if they tried and came up up with strategies beside preaching again and again and telling them their problems aren’t real? But they are written off before the can even speak and the dialog regarding tjis issues is so limited thats hard to talk about And if you advocate for them suddenly you are an incel, so what’s the point of even trying? For fucks sake one of the most up voted comments on here is someone with the name misandry so how can it be argued that you have no real place in among the left? So I just keep my head down and agre with what is said about us because it’s easier then to keep banging my head against the wall.
And my interests often limit my ability to find good people to be friends with. Though I will admit igot some good friends among them who don’t suck.
I don’t understand how you make this a political thing. Do you by chance live in the US? There is a lot of polarisation there.
As a woman myself, I think some people understand feminism differently than others. I don’t agree with women that just spit hate on men simply because they are men. Feminism is about empowering women to be whatever they like and be equal to men in society, relationships, family, work. I had my fair share of discrimination in my life based on my gender, and I constantly fight against it, but that does not make me just hate men by default. I know a lot of men that are on the same page with me about how we should be as a society. And a society where we are all getting along is so much better than a polarised one.
I am lucky to have found a husband that is secure with his masculinity(whatever that means to him), that he does not feel threatened about me having, for example, hobbies like woodworking, or having some muscles on my body. That does not mean I don’t find him masculine, because I do.
We are all shades of masculinity and femininity, and blocking one of these sides from us is just stupid. We are what we are and we can get along just fine with each other with a bit of effort. We don’t have to hate on the ones that are not like us.
And my interests often limit my ability to find good people to be friends with. Though I will admit igot some good friends among them who don’t suck.
To this I say, try new hobbies and activities. Volunteer somewhere, that will make you find nice people. You need to find friends that are awesome for you, not just that don’t suck. Some great friendships can be very healing for the soul.
Yeah, I am American so everything is political and there is no middle ground. Either you are a fascist or not and that is it.
As for my hobby I am kind of underselling it. It’s hard to get into, but it’s the only thing I genuinely love after years of picking up and droppingl a lot of other interests over the years. plus i am at a point where i do make some money, not something i can live on by any means but ist something i am proud of. And like I said I did meet some genuinely good friends I probably would never have met otherwise.
I really don’t want to mention it because the community around it jn my area is small and while doubt anyone I know uses lemmy it wouldn’t be hard to figure out who in am if they looked into it and I have said some dark shit here that would fuck it all up for me. I know it’s unrealistic, but I like what I do well enough to not want to that risk.
Why?
As a guy, when I was younger, I jumped from relationship to relationship looking for that exact thing. You know what I got for my trouble? Nothing.
So, during my college years, I spent time by myself, learning how to get by and be okay with surviving without relying on anyone else. It was a farce of course because I was in school, not going to work, but it was close enough.
I got into the workforce and all of the things I forced myself to learn to be independent from literally everyone, was the pivot point where I was able to stabilize my life and start dating.
After a while I knew I didn’t want someone who needed me. I wanted someone who 100% could do everything that they needed to do on their own, but wanted me around anyways.
I found what I was looking for. I put a ring on it.
I don’t worry when she goes out in her vehicle that she bought with her own money for her own purposes, that she’s going to go find someone “better” because neither of us care about what’s “better” than whatever else. I don’t have to worry that she’ll call and say she needs money because x, y, or z. She has her own money she made, that she can spend however she wants.
We split household costs, we enjoy eachother company and we value that we aren’t relied on by the other for everything. It goes both ways.
As things have gone, the line between “mine” and “hers” has blurred to the point that, unless it’s a high dollar value item, it’s just ours. Because bothering to remember who paid for what is a waste of time and effort. Cars, yes, anything else? Probably not.
Reminds me of the book, The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein.
No piece is going to fill you just right. Have to learn to roll on your own before you can roll with someone else.
Interesting concept from what you’ve described.
As I take it, you’ll never find someone who perfectly makes you whole, so you have to become whole on your own before you go and find someone to partner with for life.
Grab the book from the library and read it. Even as an adult, it’s an important message. Don’t even need to check it out. Takes five minutes cover to cover.
It’s like, maybe you think you are the missing piece for someone else. You’re a pie-shaped triangle. You can’t roll on your own. So you’re looking for a circle that is missing a slice. Some you’ll be too big and won’t fit, or too small and you’ll fall out. Some will break. Some will break you. Some will neglect you. Others will put you on a pedestal.
But it you start trying to roll on your own as a triangle, and you can will yourself to just flop over one time, and then again, and then again, eventually your corners will wear down and you will become a full circle, and be able to roll all on your own.
We read this to our kid for years. Hopefully the message stuck
I generally agree with the caveat that having each other as a safety net of sorts has allowed my partner and I to be much more aggressive in our professional careers than we would have otherwise. While we don’t need each other we certainly enable each other because should the need arise we both know that we wouldn’t be left out to dry alone.
Agreed. Both me and my partner had need for medical leave from work, while that includes some income from the government, it’s about half of the usual amount we would earn if we were working. So, when I was out, she stepped up, when she was out, I stepped up.
That’s just what you do when things go sideways. 90% of the time or more, we’re completely independent. The time we spend together is because we want to spend that time together.
