His first move would be to throw a hissy fit, collapse as soon as you touched him, feign a heart attack and threaten to sue you … all while shouting that you’re going to be deported
Either that or since concealed carry is legal in a ton of states just start firing blindly in every direction and then basically everything you said
“What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.”
When training extensively in unarmed combat, does one employ prosthetics?
No, you remove them. That’s why it’s unarmed.
Okay good. That makes sense.
That’s beautiful … I haven’t been threatened by an online US Marine in years … I feel honoured … thanks :)
It’s the Navy Seal copypasta.
Damn it, that’s right … how did I forget that … but it’s been years since I saw this copypasta in the wild … first time I encountered it here on Lemmy
My personal favourite was being threatened in a comment thread years ago by Black Beard himself …
What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now.
Fun Blackbeard fact: he actually spent some time in Philadelphia. It’s not known whether he preferred Pat’s or Geno’s steaks.
If he got in your face and you had your hand up and it just barely touched his chest he’d be yelling “CALL 911!! THATS ASSAULT!!!”
Which is why as a person of colour (I’m a big brown Indigenous Canadian) I will never engage with people like this … because I know that if this happened, there is a high likelihood that the police and courts would take his version seriously.
These are the same people who own a big lifted truck and then put a giant sticker on the window that says “CHEVY” just in case you or they forgot what they are driving.
Some version of a window-wide US flag with the angry eagle, a Gadsden snake sticker, a gun maker sticker, an AR silhouette variant sticker with a juvenile anti-lib slogan like “my AR says fuck your lib tears” and of course the NRA sticker and a military service branch sticker.
That and or a quote from the Bible or the constitution.
Yeah, the excerpt in period script that says “We the People…” and nothing else. Pretty much all they know of the constitution anyway besides the 2nd Amendment.
Saying they know the second amendment is giving undue credit.
Their only interpretation of the 2nd is “the constitution says I get to have an arsenal and nobody can do anything about it.”
If you get a “smart one” they start spouting off supreme court and other rulings that went in their favor, and if faced with the argument that the Founding Fathers could not and would not ever have conceived of millions of guns in private hands with people having arsenals of weapons capable of modern day destruction - and especially if the Founders had been faced with school, workplace, or other random massacres - they would not have so vaguely worded the 2nd Amendment. Then they just say “well the constitution says I can, so eat it.”
They’re perfectly happy to let society pay for their hobby.
Yep I see that a lot in my town. But usually it will say “we the people” and then they will add “have had enough!” I see lot of pledge of allegiance and a few 10 commandments too. It’s also funny because there is someone who lives on my street with political opinions on there truck dick riding Donny then they have “kill all pedos” sticker.
And Calvin pissing on a Chevy logo
I like the message the Calvin sticker sends: “I am childish but have an old man’s bladder.”
Maybe that’s why Ford does what they do, to boost ego.
Don’t forget for one second just because I’m not a graphic designer doesn’t mean I don’t get constantly told I fucked up centered justification.
Honestly this could be self aware satire.
Dude in the Gravy Seals
Meal team 6, specially
I couldn’t imagine wearing something like this. Honestly, shirts that say anything are kind of out there for me.
So what are we looking at for your wardrobe? Pictures only? Plain colors? Maybe like tie dye?
Earth tone plain button ups and jeans, loafers.
But, I can’t think what would possess anyone to wear something vaguely threatening to the general population.
Like do they look themselves in the mirror and think: decent?
I’m with him. My buddy calls me a cartoon character because I wear the same outfit everyday. I have multiple pairs of it though.
Black t-shirts (mostly), some other earth tones. All solid.
I’m all for comfort and making shit easy.
There are dozens of us; I’ve even added a couple of plain grey tee’s, and a navy blue one (that almost looks black)
When I first started seeing my now-spouse, she commented that she thought it would be nice if I added some flavor to my wardrobe that wasn’t black tee shirts with optional band/sportsball/nerd printing. So I gradually added some colors, but quickly realized that the brighter the shirt, the worse it looked on my fat gut. And it became tedious trying to find desaturated or earth tones in casual clothing (especially polos for work).
I eventually gave up and just started buying cheap black tees in bulk every few years, oversized so I could throw them in the dryer instead of hang drying them like I’d been doing for years to preserve the prints etc. The spoons set aside for wardrobe choices were better allotted elsewhere.
I too have autism /s
That would explain why I hate loud noise and love choo choo trains.
The classic symptoms
Are you me?
There’s that possibly apocryphal story in The Fly reboot with Jeff Goldblum about how Einstein had like seven identical sets of clothes so he didn’t have to waste effort on deciding what to wear.
Not op but pretty much everything I wear is just a plain color clothing item that looks ok and feels comfortable/fits well. It’s cool to focus on fashion, but for me that ends if you’re covering yourself in industry brands, supporting fast fashion/dumb luxury, or placing people above or below each other based on the perceived value of the cloth and metal they choose to wrap themselves in
Mines mostly plain color shirts. Some plaid. I have a few graphic tshirts from when I was younger and that people bought me when they were on vacation. Not really a fan of wearing those around though.
…I need to up my tie dye game.
It’s like a car covered with bumper stickers. It’s mental illness. Unhealthy fear and rage leaking out around the edges and corrupting the facade of decency.
If only these people could recognize a tyrant when they see one.
Two have so far!
This is some serious THE_PACK vibes
DON’T THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE I’M PEACEFUL THAT I FORGOT HOW TO CRANK MY HOG
The pair of cute corgis really sells it
Can confirm. Our corgis are significantly more dangerous than I am. Doubly, so if they think you might try to clip their nails.
Angry loaves of bread!
You’re doing exactly what he is asking you not to.
“I’m about to shit my pants from eye contact with strangers so I need clothing with printed letters to convince you otherwise”
If you need an AR-15 to feel safe at Target, the problem is you…
Or you’re a character in Fallout and there are Raiders in the Super Duper Mart
I dunno… have you been to a Target recently? Anyone shopping there at this point is probably either a proud boy or one of the daughters of liberty and probably walking around with 3 guns on them. I’d feel safer around those people with an AR of my own.
Show them up with a Remington 812.
Not really I’ve been doing my shopping at either Food Lion or Steam, anything else hasn’t been a priority
I’m a school bus driver and I have one total moron of a coworker who thinks we should all carry guns to protect the buses. He specifically wants to have his AR15 with him, with its magical 40-round mags like that would make the slightest fucking difference after somebody starts off their assault by blasting the driver’s seat. I’ve been pretending I agree with him and encouraging him to suggest this to our (very liberal) school board - since he’s above me on the seniority list.
I think a jacket that says “I’ll shit my pants if you try to fight me, for reals.” would actually be more effective.
Who wants to get into a fight with someone with squidgy undies?
Yeah. Just do what normal autistic people like me do. Put earbuds in both ears.
Just because I have COPD doesn’t mean I won’t shit on your floor.
I need this on a shirt
Yes! And have the Statue of Liberty holding an AR.
“Just because I have COPD doesn’t mean I won’t shit on your floor.”
Positive spin, he bought it from a pro-LGBTQ+ thrift store to support local causes in his area. I swear I’ve seen similar jackets at said thrift stores.
Now that I am older, my eyesight isn’t what it used to be. I could still hit that target at 100 yards with iron sights. Meal Team 6 wannabe tacticool moron wouldn’t last thirty seconds in a firefight.
Regina’s love corgis!
What’s a love corgi, who is Regina and how are hers involved?
Oops!
