One of them doesn’t listen at all. He’s also dead so I’m willing to overlook his blatant lack of enthusiasm.

My parents always discouraged me from trying things and gave me self-serving advice.

I had a good relationship with my dad, but he passed when I was 21. I’ve now been alive longer without a father than with one. He had major faults: racist, homophobic, and started going Baptist when he got cancer. If he had survived it, I think that downfall would have progressed and he’d be a fucking Maggot by now. I don’t think he’d get along well with his pansexual son, bisexual DIL and transgender grandkids. So, and this is not a good feeling, I’m a little appreciative of the fact the relationship ended when it was still good. But I’m haunted by what it would have been like if he survived. Like I said, we had a really good relationship. He taught me all kinds of outdoorsman skills, taught me how to keep family close, and how to honor my word. I don’t know if I could have handled if he survived and continued along that path.

My mom always lived for herself and was abusive. I still flinch when someone touches my face because she hit us so much. I cut ties on my wedding day almost 10 years ago and am much happier and healthier.

They both taught me how not to parent and as long as I keep in mind how their words and actions made me feel, I know how to be a good dad to my kids. I’m not going to say they did me a favor there, but I do rely on that lesson to guide me.

I have two great parents

My best friend has one, with the other one being an violent alcoholic

My SO has a brain damaged (literally) father and a hyper conspirational spiritual mother.

The more I learn about everyone else’s parents the more thankful I get

I have a complicated relationship with my dad, but that has more to do with our personalities clashing and his wife not really being a fan of mine. If I needed something from him like I had an emergency or was hurt, in prison, etc., he would be there for me.

My mom and I have a really good relationship. We’re very close and have been since I was a kid. I could tell her anything and come to her with any problems and she would try to be there for me.

My parents were quite liberal with raising me I can call both of them by their first name, talk to them quite casually, etc. I call my dad “dad” and his first name interchangeably and have done so since I was a kid. His wife feels like it’s disrespectful. My view on it is I’ve done it since I was a kid. He never had an issue with it. If he did, he would’ve told me to not do that when I was a child when I would’ve listened to him.

I have parents that are kind and will listen without judgement and be supportive.

My father is reliably discreet. My mother is a gossip, though, and I can’t tell her anything I don’t want the entire family to know.

My dad softened a lot lately, seeing his parents go made him realize how important the relationship with his own children is.
On my mum’s side, I’m afraid she will always be tone deaf and self absorbed, but I learned not to resent her for that

For almost all of my life I’d have said no. But after over a year of family therapy I think I now have a mother who sometimes listens. She needs to follow it up with an emotional guilt trip, but she does actually sometimes listen first. Baby steps I guess, but it’s more progress than I expected. And my father is… well… still my father. No chance there.

Not anymore. I dunno exactly when it happened but after I left for uni I no longer see eye to eye with my folks.

They raised me and I feel they did a good job: respect others, be kind, help people, everyone is equal. All the good stuff.

Nowadays though my dad has gone hard into conspiracy theories proper tinfoil hat stuff, moon landings fake, vaccines cause autism and have microchips, fluorinated water causes something, COVID was a Chinese plot or fake or just flu (despite half his kids working in healthcare and telling him first hand experiences). He’s gone proper racist Britain for the British bullshit, hates immigrants and anyone not white. He’s dragging my mum into it as well but she’s not exactly innocent in her views either. I’m glad they live at the other end of the country now so I can choose how much I see them, holidays used to involve staying with my parents but now we camp kinda close and just have a meal out together a couple times.

I struggled a lot with coming to terms with the huge change, our relationship used to be fantastic especially with my mum, could talk for hours about anything. Now we have a very very narrow range of safe topics and I have to say no I’m not talking about that with you quite regularly.

I even debated cutting contact because of some of the horrible stuff my dad was posting online, fortunately he’s stopped that and now just consumes the hate instead of tagging me in it. I decided that I wanted to keep my parents in my life but set some firm boundaries and just don’t engage with any of the delusions.

No. Where are my r/estrangedadultchild buddies at?

Parents are humans with their own flaws and backstories. They’ve had (presumably) 20 years of the worlds bullshit flung at them before you entered the picture. Can they be nice? Sure. But as you become an adult try to forgive them for the times they failed. Chances are they were doing the best they could with what they had at the time.

As a parent I try to listen with an open mind and admit when I’m probably a little biased. I still get called out and grump about it.

If there’s anything you want to share, I’m willing to listen.

One hit and one miss, although the trustworthy one still has issues, as most people do.

This image is wholly foreign to me. My spouse’s parents are like this, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I feel bad because I’ve still got a shield up after all these years.

I have one bio parent I can do that with, and I know I’m privileged to have that. To be able to confide, ask questions, seek advice, break down, or even just play cards together provides a certain level of mental safety I didn’t experience otherwise.

I only hope I can provide even a fraction of that to others; everybody deserves safe people.

This thread is kind of depressing to read. What a privilege it is to have supportive parents.

Makes me realize that I shouldn’t put off having a quality phone call with my parents so much. There will always be more work, but there won’t always be more quality time with them.