Same! I have never considered this but have made plenty of plots where it is now the obvious solution.

I don’t think we can draw conclusions from this without knowing more details about what was in the “good” profile.

If the “good” profile was interesting like “I love extratone and 16th century spanish poetry” I can see why that won’t get hits. People can’t relate to it. But the matches you do get will be starting in a better position.

“ACKtually, there are certain molecules and bio-organisms you can’t live without and-- Hey, where are you going!?”

I have bad news: lots of non-men also post useless stuff like “I can’t live without water lol” or “what are you looking for: my keys lmfao”

Having a good profile is a skill, probably related to marketing, and some people have neither natural aptitude nor training in it.

I think it’s nuts people don’t think of it like a resume.

I don’t recommend really setting up a fake profile, since that kind of selfishly pees in the pool.

Talk to your women friends. Ask them to show you what they’re seeing and what they dislike.

(If you don’t have any women friends, that’s kind of a red flag you should give some thinking on)

My wife still remembers one of the profile pics I had - I was goofing around wearing a super-sized cereal box on my head.

Had that one, a “normal” shot that was my profile picture, and some casual shot I don’t remember now. Put that one up on my sister’s advice, and that’s the one that still stands out in my wife’s mind!

I swear humans use confidence and humor the same way peacocks use tails. If you’re comfortable being silly, it says a lot about where you’re at socially.

There’s an adorable phone game called “Tender” where you go on dates with various aliens via a Tinder-like app. That game did a good job showcasing different styles of profile and profile pic–highly recommend. Also, fun.

Shutup and take my virginity

You say that like it’s a bad thing

“Hey cutie! Can you tell me where I can find Mankrik’s Wife?”

Feeld is full of late 40s-50s cucks, swingers and unicorn hunters in my neck of the woods :/ that would be fine if that’s what I was looking for but Im not. Even the “no couples” filter doesn’t stop them. They just make a single account and put that they’re a couple in the description. The only attention I’ve gotten on feeld was from DL older men that want to cheat on their wives and middle aged couples looking for a younger “bull”. Like damn, I just wanna cuddle and go on fun dates, whys it gotta be all about the most smarmy, objectifying and maladapted forms of sex over here???

Ask a question that indicates you actually read their profile, and not just, “So you like walking on the beach, huh?”

Instead, “What beaches are you hitting? Ever been to Gulf Island National Seashore in Gulf Breeze? There are also a few miles of trails on the other side of the highway!”

Tell me you don’t know about the concept of PTW without knowing about the concept of PTW.

How did you turn it around? Did you apply for Rizz Stamps / SNAP? Were you able to get temporary rizz?

Yeah! Fuck women. If I could. Legally. If she agreed with. I gotta ask my wife first. She said no.

But aren’t you scared of the women?

I heard bears attract them

My last experience (late 2022) is that if you’re a free user, they will never show your profile to someone you’ve swiped right for, nor show you any profile that has liked you, in order to force you to buy the premium and get to see who liked you

I say this to everyone out there, this is a “buy the dip” opportunity time for people on a social level. Go adopt a group of poorly-socialized peers and just reinvent socializing from the ground up. No rules, no enforcement, wanna play retro games and get high like teens? How about everyone goes to the horse races even though nobody knows how? Just go buy a couch together, decide who gets it after with a game of chance.

This is how movements are made. I’m not even kidding, there are TONS of people out there of all walks of life who just want someone to show them how to “social” and are scared of doing something strange and being embarrassed. Everyone is in this deeply isolated headspace hoping someone throws a rope and offers a way out.

Be a way out. Worst that happens is half of them flame out, you still end up with some people in your life you can talk to and hang out with. If you’re single, maybe you will hit it off with one of them or someone they know, but if not, who cares. It’s still better than being alone.

None of us get out of this alive.

That’s part of it, but missing third places are as much a symptom as a cause.

Because tell me, if you walked outside and your neighborhood was restructured and there were bars and a riverwalk and cafes and old dudes with funny hats painting scenes, would that actually help the huge swath of people who have never grown up in places where you go outside and know everyone?

Third places are more than places they’re community connection areas, and yah it can certainly help if the physical locations are there, but the big ingredient that makes it work is that people who live around these places have a history already of going out to meet friends, coworkers, family, casual acquaintances you value the opinion of, and so on. You never ran down to Horace’s shop when you were 9 years old with a $5 to buy milk for your mom, and it was okay because you knew Horace, everyone in the area knows each other, and people looked out for each other.

We’re missing some deeply fundamental things in the modern world, particularly in the USA and dense urban areas. A huge one is learning to just talk to other people without shame or fear… a LOT of our space and life would become designed around this kind of life if we actually valued it. We are falling for the comfort trappings of suburban/apartment hell where you can see any virtual world from your flat screen and VR goggles and talk to an AI who will order you dinner without having to talk to anyone.

Ahh I see you’d like to exist, that’ll be 10 dollars please.

Yes, literally those are our only options here, dark-ages arranged slavery or “The Love Connection” or dating apps everyone (but you!) hate with a passion. That’s really spot-on. Perfect, exactly the smart, nuanced responses I’m always delighted to have to interact with.

The “people don’t know how to use Tinder” is fine, great, fucking whatever. In the end all you’re doing is trying to replicate the way people have been meeting and getting to know each other for eons. If it works for you, FINE GO USE IT. I’m obviously not talking to the minority who enjoy the effort of trying to replicate natural human behavior on a glowing screen.

I’m very obviously talking to the people it doesn’t work for or who have the same problems online as they do in real life. The huge fucking difference here is with dating apps, when you’re done swiping that’s it, you don’t learn anything, you don’t figure out how to be a better conversation partner, you don’t self-reflect in any healthy way and that’s how most people use it. It’s gestures into the darkness.

Millenial here. Never used online dating. Never used arranged marriages. Never used newspapers.

Dated a bunch. Just met and befriended a lot of people through shared areas of interest. Indoor soccer mixed league / gardening group / dog park / dog events at a local shop.

I also wasn’t creepy and bothered people with trying to get a relationship from these events. Just a chatty comical person. And with regular attendance - bumped into similar people over time and eventually did more personal shit with them and felt out why.

Online dating sort of (to me) turns the act of dating into a hobby or even a profession? and then people land these relationships where they expect something out of the other person. “You need a perfect resume with good line spacing and indentation, if you want connection!”

When I just pursued my hobbies and enjoyment areas and bumped into people who mutually enjoyed those things and would just talk about those things. Like at most seek connection to the things you love and do them with people you like. And then build on those connections. That’s what people really want when they log into profiles.

Note I don’t have any social media other than Lemmy. Haha.

weirder than approaching random people and hitting on them in public.

TBF that is pretty weird, where exactly did I say do that?

Now I somehow have to work up the courage to talk to someone without a contrived activity bringing us together.

If the activity feels contrived, it’s probably the wrong fit. Yes, there is a deep realm of nuance to the “go outside” trope but it is real, at least in this case it’s being spoken from a place of experience. (Try growing up for the first couple decades of your life in a literal cult compound with no phone, an hour from the nearest gas station.)

It feels really weird the first time you strike up a conversation with a stranger for “no reason” but you do get over it. In fact, people don’t view you the way you’re imagining, as long as you’re not pushy or trying to be some kind of douche to compensate for insecurity, you will just be seen as someone with character and friendliness.

Look, I will pass on one HUGE tip that will make you seem like “the guy” which is to learn to be hospitable. Care about if the people around you are comfortable, not like you want to get them to like you, not in a fussing overbearing way, but like, imagine how you feel alone around strangers, and make that experience better for them. Men, women, whatever. Everyone wants someone to reach out and ask them how they’re doing and what they’re up to.

For someone you might have romantic interests in, don’t over-invest and always give them an out. Say hi, offer a complement (fashion choices or hair are better choices than intrinsic qualities like eyes or features.) and then you say “Well, nice to see you, I’m going to go get a slice of pizza/a fresh drink, would you like anything?” Or whatever people are doing there for fun. Or say “Cool, I have to catch a call in a few minutes, but it was great talking.”

AND THEN YOU LEAVE. Just go, don’t have expectations but also don’t literally run away and avoid people. You’re just introducing yourself, and you may never see them again, but if you’re doing this consistently, this is what people associate you with. Sooner or later someone will say “I’ll be at the thing by the place after this, I hear they serve good [STUFF] want to come try it?”

That one simple trick will take you further than any dating coaches or tricks. It’s just called being hospitable, giving people space but being present. Plant a seed, nurture it over time. You form friend groups like this, you become popular at parties and work functions, you make potential partners feel at ease as long as you’re consistent and keep a take-it-or-leave-it attitude.

As someone who is living in a non-arranged marriage, if it turns out well, a relationship can be quite magical.

It just sucks how dating looks like today, but if it works out, it is worth all of the shit.

“Btw, I’m not even supposed to be born. My mother disobeyed the One Child Policy and gave birth to me”

.

“especially, fuck arranged marriages, ain’t doing that shit, rather be single than miserable. Not having one of the most important choices be dictated by parents”

Right on, dude 🤘 Your entire existence is a rebellion so you might as well go the whole hog and live your way