spoiler
I think I hit the last straw today, I have been really trying to get a job, hunderds of attempts and nothing, I finallly get an interview and I thought I did well, I did’nt turns out, I have nothing. On top of that my friends are now asking for rent, this was the one city I finally had some form of a support system now I have to move back home and leave it behind and return to a place I did not have any support system once so ever. I will likely need to quit hrt due to lack of funds. I am now thinking instead of suffering like I did alone for years, why not just commit. My plan is to create a massive scene to make everyone hate me, I will than disappear and commit in a random town far away from here cause I don’t fucking care anymore. I am 2.5k in debt, nothing fucking matters. I have been holding out my entire life and shit never seems to get better. People just tell me well theres gotta be something postive in your home town :), but that comes across as a massive fuck you from someone who just was alone and cried in her bed constantly for years. and legit had nothing better to do than doom scroll twitter. I am humbling convienced that’s as good as I am allowed to have based on karma from actions I did when I was 12-14. I know I am gonna get banned for this post but everything feels so loud. I chugged a monster and I started to have chest pain I legit didnt care anymore I just needed to feel something other than the numbness. I legit don’t even know if I am real anymore and i LEGIT have no options anymore. I really doubt my friends would support me if I told them hey I’m sucidal they would likely just say we don;t know you like that and talk about how inappropriate it was to just drop that on them like that. I suck as a person I humbly believe that I deserve to be an unidentified jane doe somewhere. I also know I am very likely to be banned for this post but I really don’t care nothing fuccking matters anymore I cwed this post as best I can I just can’t fucking take it everything feels so loud ever since I read that fucking email, this is the millionth email I gotten like that
I was in your spot right after my divorce.
I left my (rotating shift) well paying factory job and took a huge huge pay cut to start over in a different industry. (Low voltage, highly recommended if you can deal with a little light construction work, lots of room for growth and not enough smart people)
Struggled to get enough for child support. The rest of my buds were all out having fun or getting big kid jobs.
I was fortunate enough to take some stuff home from work to install and play with, speakers made the video games cooler and it helped me further my knowledge in this industry, moving me up the ladder.
I Was able to turn this into a service position, less raw construction work and more client facing, networking availability (both interpersonal and like, you know Ethernet shit haha) and better pay. Also really worked well with my ADHD.( Show up, fix people’s wifi, get a big thank you and haul ass to the next one.
People’s broken shit needs a place to get “recycled” especially if it’s just like, one HDMI input going bad on an AVR or something. So, more stuff to hook up and play with at the hizzy. Speakers out on the porch now and I’m having a good time grilling out. The buds may wanna come over and chill now that there’s a vibe and I am a little more confident and jovial.
Couple of years go by and I was able to step into a project management role, more network, more responsibility. Better pay.
Which leads to a bigger budget.
More years!
I am back in a similar position after getting laid off. But it’s different now aiming for these big kid jobs…
3 interviews today took a toll on me. 45 rejections since June 4th sigh
Anyways,
If you can stick around, play some video games, crank the hawg (THE PACK REPRESENT) listen to some tunes…
go pull some wires both at the crib and professionally (look up any low voltage places near you, DM me I may know some peeps in your area) you may be able to forge a path.
If not, then why not ride off into the sunset with style? Be a train kid, hitch around, see the world (as much as you can before nature reclaims you)
Who knows what may roll your way. Keep your chin up and stuff
I usually can’t finish a comment more than a few lines, it has taken me like 45 minutes to compose this while watching TOS
Dang I can’t believe how long this is! 😂😭🤣