my partner is at her mom’s out-of-state helping with some family stuff and enjoying reliable utilities. thank god.

i have been napping whenever possible. i have been eating normal meals. i am going to try a new strategy of trusting windows blindly as a way of fitting back into society again. that last part is a joke, please laugh

news on the leasing office - no one is here because there is a new owner. i called the old company and they told me that i got a notice in the mail about the change. i did not but ok. i am supposed to hear from the new landlord at any time

i first heard this from shelly in 220, who walked up to me on one of my daily “stand at the leasing office window” rituals. she handed me half of a case of bottled water and insisted i would need it. actually, specifically, she said, “happy birthday” (it is not my birthday)

i personally don’t plan on needing this pepsi crap. i am going to make sure that new landlord fixes the pipes before they fail completely.

i spent about 30 minutes just chatting to shelly about all of the stuff going on. she is actually pretty legit because she is a witch. i can say whatever the hell i want about being consumed by the shadows and having figures appear outside of my windows. none of it phases her.

it felt like the first time i have spoken to someone other than my partner in a month.

daytime kicked ass. i went to sleep feeling totally normal, like i wasn’t dealing with anything.

i woke up from my day-sleep at 7:30 pm. the sun was down already. i could hear a bit of rainfall, but most of the sound was the wind. the streetlight outside has a loose bolt, so the whole lamp sways just so slightly. if i look at it for too long i get nauseous. i could hear the wind beating against the glass panes.

i’m not sure if the storm was the first thing to unsettle me, or if it was the dog. the dog was awake, and fully alert. this means that i now have to go through a process that i have.

how to: clear your apartment of night-time intruders

luckily, the pipes haven’t started their shit yet. i still couldn’t hear anything over the wind. i will trust that the apartment is quiet otherwise

i sit still for a while and make sure nothing has moved. why am i on alert now? this is ridiculous. things aren’t that weird.

i’ll leave the bedroom now.

the bathroom is clear. i love that frosted glass window. a window you can trust.

the laundry closet. it’s quiet. that is my preferred state of the laundry closet

the kitchen. the pantry is open, and i can see that it is clear.

where is the stock pot. i know i left that stock pot on the stove. i knew things were disappearing---- nevermind, it’s drying on the counter. i am losing it.

the living room. i will steer clear of the window, favoring a nice, opaque wall. everything looks fine out here, except that the closet is closed. what is the worst that could happen? the worst that could happen is i open it and there’s a creature of the night inside and it devours me. the worst is a serial killer. the worst is… well, it’s simply the closet, with a spot where my junk box used to be. you know, i bet she took the junk box with her when she left. or was that before she left? suddenly, the door–

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

okay. its all over. its over. what do i even do. how do i manage this. what should i do, get my baseball bat? will it do any good? i feel like the pressure changed. my head hurts

at this point i got to thinking about another night five or six months back where there had been another storm, much stronger than this one. it was the first time i heard the noise outside. the rain beat on the windows, and it went on for so long that the storage units downstairs flooded.

i am a suburban kid. i don’t know what all of the barnyard animals sound like. i know what i heard wasn’t a fox, or a wolf, or a cat. it had a mewl to it. it had a bleating to it. to me, it was an unknown thing, and could have been an alien for all i knew. i expected to see a goat, or a sheep, or hell, even a raccoon. whatever it was, it was making enough noise that i could hear it under the downpour. when i looked out the window i saw something else

i’m not sure how long i sat there just staring at the door, recalling the flooding night. i was finally pulled out of my daze by my phone

vvb vvb vvb vvb

Incoming Call

Shelly (220)

thank god.

i answered and clambered to my feet

“hey, i just knocked on your door a minute ago.”

i’m such a fool, i think to myself. i turn around to get a look at this rainstorm.

“i just wanted to warn you that your guy is outside. he’s been staring at your window for the last fifteen minutes.”

he was, but he is now more interested in staring at me so casually in his soaked, tattered clothes. a dark hood climbing out from under his heavy coat. galoshes

how long do we stand here, staring at each other? who moves first? who would i want to move first?

past the kitchen, in the laundry closet, i can hear the moaning starting.

outside, a man opens his mouth. it is a bleating. it is a mewling. it is totally alien to me.