Im wondering if this is a common adhd thing.
For example, I have always wanted to program, but I can’t let myself start with some easy gui building block code. I need to understand how the code is interacting with the computer itself and know how they did it in the 80s. Then of course it’s too hard for me and I give up.
Or if im making music, I need to do everything from scratch the hard way, making it as hard as possible (and killing any creative effort i had in the beginning).
It’s the same with anything. I can’t progress if I dont know the absolute reason why something is being done. And if I do it the easy way, I didn’t do it right and took shortcuts so it was worthless.
I’ve struggled with this mentally, especially when I first was learning how to code. Eventually I realized while it’s great to know the ins and outs, you can allow yourself to only worry about what you need to know to get your code running (and that’s okay).
Write a script to go a thing, then learn about how to automate that with a cronjob, then learn about coding in the cloud. If you start too big you might get overwhelmed