Turns out the reply in my thread telling me the best way to combat not caring about Linux is to care about Linux was absolutely correct.
I picked up a laptop, installed Linux Mint Cinnamon, and I’m already obsessed. I haven’t had this much fun with a PC in a long time and it’s just a cheapo Dell Inspiron 3520.
It really is genuinely remarkable. If more people lived their lives like OP then the world would be a better place.
I try my best, but this is not a level I’ve achieved yet.