Germany, Hesse. We have some … interesting regional idioms Examples:

• Furz mit Krücken (a fart with crutches) - a really stupid idea that’s bound to fail

• Eine Gardinenpredigt halten (to hold a curtain preach) - to rant / tell someone off in a loud and angry way

• Das macht den Bock auch nicht fett (that doesn’t fatten up the billy goat either) - somehing doesn’t matter anymore

• Das Kind ist in den Brunnen gefallen (the child fell into the well) - something bad has already happened, intervening isn’t possible anymore, the only option is to deal with the consequences.

• Besser als in die hohle Hand geschissen (better than shitting into your hollow hand) - better than nothing

• Auf dem Zahnfleisch kriechen (to crawl on your gums) - to be totally exhausted

• Klappe zu, Affe tot (hatch closed, monkey dead) - this is the end of the discussion

• Passt wie die Faust aufs Auge (like a fist fits the eye) - a perfect match. Another variant is “Passt wie Arsch auf Eimer” (fits like a butt on a bucket)

• Eine Laus über die Leber gelaufen (A louse walked across your liver) - to be annoyed and failing to hide it

• Einen Besen fressen (to eat a broom) - exclamation of disbelief (“If that is really true, I’m going to eat a broom”)

• Der hat Haare auf den Zähnen (he has hair on his teeth) - he is stubborn and loud about it

• Das Leben ist wie’s ist, wer nen scheppen Arsch hat, hat nen scheppen Schiss. (Life is life, a person with a sideways arse poops sideways turds) - stop complaining about stuff you can’t change. “Schepp” is “schief”, but said with a dialect.

• Wie der Och’s wenns blitzt (like an ox when lightning strikes) - to stare dumbfounded into space, usually because you don’t understand something / are surprised

• Einbildung ist auch eine Bildung (delusion is also a form of education) - when someone is dumb but so full of themselves that they don’t realize HOW dumb they are. “Einbildung” and “eine Bildung” sound very similar.

• Wer im Glashaus sitzt, soll nicht mit Steinen werfen (if you sit in a glass house, don’t throw stones) - don’t gossip about others when you’re also guilty of the thing you want to gossip about

• Am Arsch die Waldfee (by the butt of the forest fairy) - “This is ridiculous and I refuse to believe it” Another variant is “Am Arsch die Räuber” (by the butts of the robbers)

• Himmel, Arsch und Zwirn! (heaven, ass and twine!) - for fuck’s sake!

• Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel! (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens!) - when you’re frustrated with someone really stupid. Another variant is “Herr, schmeiss Hirn vom Himmel - oder Steine, Hauptsache du triffst!” (Lord, throw a brain down from the Heavens - or rocks, as long as you hit your mark!)

• Nicht mein Affe, nicht mein Zirkus (not my monkey, not my circus) - This is not my responsibility, go ask someone else

• Wie ein Affe auf einem Schleifstein (like a monkey sitting on a grindstone) - you’re sitting weird

• Das gleiche in Grün (the same, but green) - two things are essentially the same

• Zum Mäusemelken (like milking mice) - something is complicated and frustrating

• Ich hab schon Pferde vor der Apotheke kotzen sehen (I’ve seen horses barf in front of a pharmacy) - I’ve seen weirder things in my life

Aussie here. Our entire dialect is one weird idiom.

Czech has a lot of them!

Dělá z komára velblouda.
He’s making a camel out of a mosquito.
= He’s making it seem like a bigger problem than it is.

Nemaluj čerta na zeď.
Don’t draw an imp on the wall.
= Don’t be pessimistic. Don’t assume the most catastrophic scenario.

Jsem tam pečený vařený.
I’m there baked cooked.
= I go there a lot.

Dala mi košem.
She hit me with a basket.
= She dumped me, or rejected my (mostly romantic) offer or advances.

Dělá jako by se nechumelilo.
He’s pretending like it’s not heavily snowing.
= He’s pretending like something doesn’t concern him. He’s nonchalant about a serious situation.

Kápni božskou!
Drip the divine! (Object implied. Probably “the divine truth”)
= Tell the truth. Spill it.

Láme to přes koleno.
He’s breaking it over his knee.
= He’s forcing it.

Natáhnout bačkory / brka, zaklepat bačkorama
To stretch (one’s) slippers / quills, to tap with (one’s) slippers
= To die. To kick the bucket.

Padli jsme si do oka.
We fell into each other’s eye.
= We hit it off.

Rozumí tomu jako koza petrželi.
He understands it like a goat understands parsley.
= He doesn’t understand it.

Přišel jsem s křížkem po funuse.
I came with a little cross after the funeral.
= I came too late.

Házím perly sviním.
I’m throwing pearls to swines.
= I’m doing good work or acts of kindness that go underappreciated.

And I could go on :)

Lithuanian here.

"Neperšokęs griovio, nesakyk ‘op’“ (Don’t say ‘op’ before you jump over the ditch) Don’t brag about doing something before you did it.

“Bala nematė” (The swamp didn’t see) When you are facing a dilemma and decide to just do something.

“Man šakės” (It’s the pitchfork for me) Basically means “I’m fucked"

“Pagauti kampą” (To catch the corner) To understand something.

“Stogas važiuoja” (The roof is going away) Used to refer to someone who’s going crazy.

“Pilstyti iš tuščio į kiaurą” (To pour from an empty one into a leaky one) to speak in meaningless statements.

“Pjauti grybą” (To cut the mushroom) to talk nonsense, or do meaningless tasks.

“Nevynioti žodžių į vatą” (Not to roll words into cotton wool) to speak directly and honestly.

“Palikti ant ledo” (To leave someone on ice) To ghost or abandon someone.

“Aiškintis santykius” (To clarify relations) To have a fight.

“Rodyti ožius" (To show the goats) To act stubborn.

In Australia people who mean business say “I’m not here to fuck spiders.” I think that’s just wonderful.

In America we express suffering beyond words by saying we’re “living the dream”. And the Brits think we have an irony deficiency.

In Germany, we have:

“To not have all mugs in the cupboard anymore” (“Nicht mehr alle Tassen im Schrank haben”) which translates to doing something incredibly stupid/crazy

“To search yourself a wolf” ("sich einen Wolf suchen) which means to search for something extensively and in the end unsuccesfully.

“To add one additional tooth” (“einen Zahn zulegen”), meaning to hurry, to do something faster.

“To defeat your inner pigdog” (“seinen inneren Schweinehund besiegen” - to get over one’s lazyness, to stop procrastinating

(American) English ones that come to mind:

• it’s raining cats and dogs (it’s pouring rain)
• I really shit the bed on this one (I fucked up really bad -not sure how widespread this is)
• a turd in the punch bowl (someone is singlehandedly ruining something, usually an event)
• don’t blow smoke up my ass (be honest with me)
• a walk in the park (pleasant/easy task)

A great Australian one that doesn’t involve spiders or cunts is “tell ‘im he’s dreamin’”, usually said in a real broad accent (you can change the pronouns around what more matters is the way you say it). Usually used whenever someone’s asking too much money for something but can also be used for when someone’s asking for too much in general and basically means “are you fucking kidding me that’s way too expensive”. It’s from a great movie called The Castle. It also gave us the saying “[this is going] straight to the pool room” meaning “shit this is really nice thanks” (because the pool room is where you put your trophies and whatnot) but I think that’s a little less common.

On the other side of the globe, Norway uses “Texas” to mean “crazy weird shit”. There’s also “kamelåså” which generally means “unintelligible (like a Danish person)” which is from this great comedy sketch about Denmark that’s so good NRK decided they had to translate it into English just so people could make fun of Danish internationally (The untranslated bits are just danish sounding gibberish)

Here in Colombia they say “don’t give papaya”. It basically means don’t give thieves an opportunity to steal from you. Shit like ‘don’t leave your bike unlocked while you grab a soda from the store’. If you do leave it out it’s “giving papaya”. No clue where it comes from.

Also when people split the cost of something it’s called making a cow. “Do you guys want to make a cow for some beers and food? Yeah let’s do it”

Ireland and particularly the Irish language (Gaeilge) has a lot of them.

My favourite one in Irish is

“Tá mé ar mhuin na muice” which literally means “Im on the pigs back” This means that you are well or that you are having a good day etc. Sometimes people will jokingly say this in English too, usually to friends family etc

“How are you today?” “I’m on the pigs back”

There’s loads of other ones too that people say, many of which probably have roots in the Irish language but we don’t know since the Brits made it illegal to speak Irish during their rule of Ireland.

“You’re gas!” They are very funny. Sometimes used in addition to craic (craic, pronounced Crack, is an Irish word for good natured shenanigans or fun) You could say “They are gas craic all together” Meaning this person or people is exceptionally funny or enjoyable to be around.

Some others

“I will in me hole” I will not do that

“I will, yeah!” I will not do that

“It’s mighty tack” Of good quality

“Ah sure, you know yourself now” Kind of like saying ‘thats how it is I guess’

“If there was work in the bed, he’d sleep on the floor” This person is very lazy

“She’d pull up floorboards looking for pipe” This woman is promiscuous/ horny

“Tis steep enough” Said when commenting about the price of something being high

“There’s an aul nip in the breeze” Said if it is somewhat cold outside

“Tis fierce close” It’s warm/ humid outside

“It’s Baltic” The weather is very cold

“It’s a massive day” It’s sunny and pleasant outside

“He’s a bit of a black guard” (black guard, pronounced ‘blaggard’) This person is silly, funny or may not be trust worthy

“I battered him” I physically beat him up

“He’s an awful messer” This person is playful, foolish or silly

“I’m wrecked” I’m tired

“I’m tipping away” Usually said in response to ‘how are you?’ It means I’m doing okay, taking it easy

“How’s she cutting?” How is it going/ how has your day been

“Now we’re sucking diesel!” Now we are doing well! Can sometimes be used as an exclamation when something goes well. If you fixed a problem or are making good progress.

“I’d do be at that the whole time” I do something regularly or habitually. Sometimes shortened into fewer sounds/syllables, sounding something ‘I’d-d’be at dat the whole time’ though that would usually be an older person with a very strong accent. Most Irish people these days would have a comparitively mild accent.

“Tis pure shite” It’s very bad/ of poor quality

“A sniper wouldn’t take her out” This person is unattractive

“He’d get up on a gust of wind” This person is very horny/ promiscuous

“I’m as sick as a small hospital” I am very unwell

“I’m as sick as a plane to Lourdes” Also means I am unwell. Older people like to travel to places of religious significance hoping for a miracle to heal them if they are sick or unwell.

“I’m as shook as a hand at mass” I am very stressed/ tired/ worn out. Comes from ‘offering a sign of peace’ in Catholic mass, where you shake the hands of everyone sitting next to you, in front and behind you.

There’s a ton of others. They can also be quite regional. I’m from Cork in the south of the country, so these ones tend to be more popular here. There are other ones more commonly used elsewhere in Ireland.

In Denmark we have a bunch of weird ones: When there isn’t a problem: “There is no cow on the ice”/ Der er ingen ko på isen

When you’re helping someone when it would be better they did it themselves you’re doing them “a bears favor” / en bjørnetjeneste

When you want it both ways but cant: “You want to blow with flour in your mouth” / blæse med mel i munden. This always made more sense to me than the english, you cant have your cake and eat it too.

When something is complete gibberish, it “sounds like volapyk” / lyder som volapyk. Volapyk is an actual made-up language like esperanto. incedentaly the same expression also exists in Esperanto

and i’m sure there is more

In Czechia we have some interesting phrases about other countries: It’s a Spanish village to me - I don’t understand it. (For example I don’t know how to program, it’s a Spanish village for me.) He drinks like a person from Denmark - He drinks a lot of alcohol.

Not mine but I had a Dutch professor who would say “it’s like washing duck’s feet” to refer to something that was a pointless exercise or wasted effort. I always thought it was funny but can’t find anything on the Internet about it now so perhaps it’s not very common.

“食西北風” (Cantonese, “eat north-west wind”) or “喝西北風” (Mandarin, “drink north-west wind”). It originally means having no food or drink, in other words, starving.

The meaning of this phrase is further extended to “running out of business”.

This is also partially where my username came from.

My favourite Aussie idiom is “We’re not here to fuck spiders.” Meaning that we are trying to do some work, stop fucking around.