I’m traveling with family this weekend in a touristy place and have been out in public in crowded areas. I am really shocked by the number of people who have loud, personal conversations on the phone in speaker mode. This ranges from walking down the sidewalk, to in line for washrooms, to seated restaurant dining.
I’ve heard people say that it’s because the phone speaker breaks (for their ear) but I’ve never had that happen in all the years I’ve destroyed phones and never had a friend or colleague say that happened. Other people say it’s because the glass is cracked and they worry about cutting their face, etc.
My personal bias is this is inconsiderate but then I ask myself how is it different from talking to a person next to them, say. I’m willing to be change my mind here.
People who do this, please explain what’s going on so I can sleep at night. :)
As someone with really bad anxiety, these people are aliens to me. Whenever I start to think I understand people, behavior like this is so incredibly foreign that I can can’t comprehend relating to
I don’t even like taking a call or listening to other people take a call in the same room as I am. I always leave the room for privacy. In a home environment at least, could deal with it in a work environment. So I really don’t get it for those that do it in public.
You never know what the other person is going to say. It’s safer to leave the room in case they say something in what they assume is a private call. A few times when the group I’m with needs to hear what’s on the phone, I always let the person on the other side I’m turning on the speaker. I would be pissed and stop calling the other person if I thought they had me on blast.
People do that to me at work frequently - I know you have me on speaker, that’s fine, but you’re in your little private office so no worries…
Nope, Jerry from Billing is sitting there listening to every word, and will jump in and offer “assistance” on topics he knows fuck all about. The person I’m actually trying to assist will of course take Jerry’s input over mine… So why didn’t you just ask him in the first place?
I have really bad anxiety but I’m really good at pretending I don’t except under a lot of stress. That’s partly why I asked this. I just don’t understand. I’ve been on the road since I asked this but the few replies I’ve seen do make some sense so I’m glad I asked.
My mother does this. She says it’s because she can’t hear it when she puts it up to her ear. I think she’s just not positioning the phone correctly to her ear. I’ve bought her headphones and headsets, but she’s a retired old lady that’s technologically challenged so she’s pretty much never going to stop it.
My mother has hearing aids which are terrible with any phone so I told her to use speaker phone but the idea of using the phone when not at home unless it’s an emergency is still pretty far out there for her. :)
Regular headphones are cheaper than hearing aids
My boss got hearing aids that connect via Bluetooth to his phone. It was always kinda funny to start talking to him and have him put a finger up to indicate you should wait while he turns off his music lol
I have often thought about how people today will be fine with hearing aids while people in my parents generation are obsessed with hiding them or not using them when they should because they don’t want people to know that need them.
Those tiny hearing aids are hard to work with (changing the batteries, finding them of they go missing, etc). I’ll be wearing headphones anyway, why not use them in hearing aid mode?
North Americans suffer from main character syndrome. They learned the speakerphone thing from watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians. People literally think you’re supposed to use a cell phone on speakerphone only because Kim does it, not understanding that it’s for the camera so the audience can hear both sides of the conversation.
For me: My ‘ear’ speaker no longer works, and I answer about 8 phone calls a year, so there’s no pressure to get a new phone, or to carry earphones.
I don’t personally see it as any less considerate than talking on your phone in public normally. It makes you look kind of obnoxious and ridicukous, holding your phone up like it’s some kind of tiny pizza box - and yes, I feel obnoxious and ridiculous if I ever have to take a call in public - but I don’t see why it should actually bother anyone else any more than any other conversation happening in public.
I wish people would say why they disagree rather than just voting you down. I’m really starting to think people just feel like it’s no different than talking to someone else.
For me the difference is if you are in a restaurant, say, both ends of the convo (people at a table) moderate their volume based on “reading the room”. When you have someone on speaker, they can’t do that at all so you end up driving people nuts.
People love to air out their laundry
Just start participating in their conversations. That shuts them up really quickly.
Thank Faust I don’t see this in my country. With maybe exception of listening voice messages in loud places.
How is it different from having a conversation with everyone in the same space? I mean, you wouldn’t care if the other person was in the same room as the caller, would you?
Normally the people on speakerphone and the person holding the phone are much louder than a standard conversation. If both were in the same room, they could use appropriate volume modulation with respect to others around them.
I’ve never heard a speaker phone that’s louder than voice level, I don’t understand this.
This is kind of what I’m coming around to. That’s just how it is now and I need to adjust my thinking.
I know how judgemental this sounds, but it’s because the bottom speaker is louder, and because they don’t care about other people.
Since the phone was invented, they designed it with a speaker that goes against your ear for easily heard, yet private conversations.
I’m this person. I have a few rules - I never have a phone conversation on public transport (bus, train, etc) and if it’s a long conversation or overly personal I’ll tell them I’ll call them back when I’m in a private room.
But I’ll answer quick calls like “can you grab bread on your way home?” or “I’m on my way, but I’m running late” on speaker in public.
I have reverse slope hearing loss, and I’m a very forgetful person who always leaves their seventeen pairs of headphones somewhere that isn’t on my person.
I can’t hear phone conversations properly without putting the phone directly in front of me so both ears are listening.
It’s gotten better with VoIP because the method of compression is different to the old copper lines - I can’t hear shit over analogue, as a teenager I used to use relay services because I couldn’t hear male voices over phone. But some people’s phone service is still really badly compressed, I’m on a tight budget so unfortunately I can’t afford a quality service, or a flagship smartphone that let’s me pitch adjust incoming calls.
I can’t afford hearing aids for RSHL (they’re not standard) so in the meantime I answer the phone on speaker and hold it in front of my face. (unless I have my headphones and can plug both in)
I try not to shout at my phone, but half the time it’s my deaf mother calling me and we just end up shouting at each other over the phone, or it’s one of the students calling me, I teach conversational English for migrants and IT for seniors, so there’s a huge language or hearing barrier and my stupid little monkey brain thinks speaking louder will help even though I know it won’t.
I was about to ask if you considered texting for those occurrences…… until your Mother entered the picture, and seniors, maybe migrants
Thank you, this is exactly the kind of perspective I was hoping to see here.
A lot of people send voice messages now, so you’d normally record/play them that way.
Which is also stupid since at least for playback you can just put the phone up to your ear as you would for a phone call and the sound switches to the top speaker.
Mine doesn’t do this, and even if it did you’d have to keep moving it back to hit “record”.
It’s up to implementation.
That’s true, never thought of that. These are definitely conversations but I take you point, thank you.
I have a coworker whose wife only sends voice messages, no texting etc.
Voice messages and earbuds. One promoted speaking and recording publicly (you control your side of convo anyway), the other normalized speaking on the go (as long as you have buds) without holding a phone.
I wish people would just say why they disagree with you rather than just downvoting.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I’ve had phone calls that were so quiet I could barely hear them, even when I turned the volume up all the way. I don’t know if it would’ve been any better in speaker mode, though.
Curious what country are from from and where you are you visiting? This has been an annoying phenomenon for 10-15 years but it seems like it used to be moreso an elderly person thing. Maybe it’s the fact that gen x and millennials (who have had smartphones most of their adult lives) are now getting older and losing their hearing?
Personally I think it’s mostly a courtesy issue. People lack consideration. If you get a call walk somewhere else. Bring headphones with you. Or just keep the conversation short and call back when you are in private. I always see people get calls and expect them to say “hey Paula I’m at a soccer game so let me call you back” but often times they just fucking chat away… Like we’re watching our kids play soccer, this is not your living room, and I don’t wanna hear your goddamn conversation in the background. Watch the game. Or on the subway I personally would just want to keep a conversation short so everyone is not listening to my conversation. I don’t want them listening and judging for my sake (semi-introvert) and I don’t want to annoy them for their sake. Lots of people just lack self awareness like there are other people around who don’t want to be involved. I don’t want to hear your conversation because then it’s in my head and I don’t want your dumb shit taking up valuable brain space.
Example, at a recent soccer practice a dad conversation talking about work shit included confirming “Greggy is handling the refi.” Just a fucking ridiculous statement. An adult called Greggy and the fact that Greggy is handling the refi. I would never let someone called Greggy manage finances. You’re fucking Greg or you are limited to financial transactions up to and including milk money and nothing more. I don’t want this in my head. Fuck that guy.
I hope it gets better, I’m not a fan of hating on Gen Z who is mostly under 18 at this point…so I’m having faith they will be considerate adults and common courtesy, self awareness, caring about other people, mental health support all that shit will be intrenched in their values. TikTok influencers aside…that is not all kids.
Gen-Z is majority over 18 now. 11-26, 8 years above 18, 7 below 😱
But yeah, agreed.
Gotcha. With a 15 year old in the house all I think of his her and all of her friends 😂
I’m right there with you. Im a millennial in my early thirties, but my roommate is 25, and I forget sometimes that he’s gen z 😳
I agree. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen some under the age of like 50 do this? I could have a bias too though.
Former friend of mine in his early 40s does this. I’ve even confronted him about it because it’s caused some embarrasing moments. He seems to think all of us (his friends) want to join in on his phone conversations or he wants to be the center of attention. He was a big asshole and narcissist.
A lot of people have problems hearing their phone in a crowded, noisy situation.
That’s why you put it up to your ear and turn the volume up.
You got downvoted for being sympathetic - and it also happens to be the right reason.
I prefer to use a Bluetooth earbud. But a lot of times even with the phone turned up and smooshed against my face - I just can’t hear. Especially in loud places.
I can, almost always hear my speaker - and I can have my hands free and interact with my phone too.
I don’t do this in public, mind. But I could see it being a hard habit to break.
Thanks
Holding it closer to their face might help 😂
