‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.
how are you supposed to connect with anyone if you don’t have an app that makes no sense
So, how should people find mates? Obviously these stupid apps don’t work and the chance encounter system we use in western societies don’t, and neither do the marriage-as-transaction systems societies used centuries ago, or the subjugation of any one gender. So how should we ensure most people who want a mate get one?
And dating people at work is practically forbidden now
I just can’t fathom doing that even if it was perfectly acceptable. I hope these are jobs people don’t give a shit about or they have opportunities for something better. I don’t (currently), so if things went south, which for me they tend to, I would be sitting here in a very bad state.
Eh it depends on the workplace. My wife and I met at work through friends, we’ve been married 13 years, and I think we’ve only ever been in 2 or 3 meetings together (and those were unusual situations, not regular projects), and we practically never have contact “professionally”. It’s a large workplace, and there are quite a few couples floating around.
You know you don’t have to tell your boss you’re dating a coworker right? It’s not their business what you do in your off-time. Dating people is legal. Do you tell your parents every time you take a shit?
Dating someone is not a protected class, and unless there is a demand for illegal action or potential whistleblowering, then you can get fired for it without consequences. Helll you can be fired for ANY reason as long as it’s not retaliatory or in violation of protected class
Dating people is legal, which is why you don’t get arrested for it. But that ain’t got any overlap with business policy.
That’s probably a good thing.
So, how should people find mates?
I never had a problem getting women back when I actually left the house. Sophomore year of high school until I got a job at the airport, I practically always had a girlfriend. This included going to ERAU, a campus with 1 female for every 8 males. I had a girlfriend within weeks of arriving on campus.
I disappeared into that work-home to sleep-work thing for a couple years, ended up going back to school at yet another very male dominated aviation school, and I wound up with the only chick in our class.
All the while I have never once gotten a date through a personals site or app; I have a feeling there’s a question or two on the profile that they shadowban you for the wrong answer, such as being 5’7", or I suspect being non-christian. To put this into a time scale for you, it feels weird to call them “dating apps” and not “dating sites” because I gave up on the whole idea before “Mobile First.”
I’m single right now for one very simple reason: I don’t leave the house much.
Edit: to those who have downvoted this comment, could you explain to me why. Let’s have this conversation.
You should just leave your height and religion out of your tinder profile man
I gave up on online dating before Tinder was a thing. The dating sites I did try had those as fields.
Also…I hate religion, and that is very important to who I am as a person, and hatred of religion is an important trait I look for in a mate, so.
Same here, I have succeeded in wooing partners even on social media, but getting matches on dating apps has been nigh impossible for some reason.
I’ve legitimately had better luck at my therapist’s office than online dating.
We should have a state-run matchmaking system in society.
First thing to do is to not use neckbeardy scientific language like ‘find a mate’. It makes me think of the way ferengi say ‘Female’. It comes off as very creepy and lecherous.
Go do things you enjoy doing. Find local groups or hobby/card/game shops with events. Get to know people. Become a known person. And be yourself. Pretending to be anything or anyone you aren’t will always backfire in a real relationship.
The big thing is to never go out with the goal of hooking up or finding someone. It adds an extra layer of weirdness if you do meet someone, and a massive extra disappointment every time you don’t. Just be friendly and casual. Things will fall into place.
I’m not the one who needs help finding a partner. Everyone else does, and despite your emotional language you all have failed so hard at it it has harmed you as a people, so who is the one who needs to re-examine their language use exactly? Not me. I see animals cry and want to help them, and when I speak of animals, I use technical terms. And you all very much are animals.
Your society as a whole needs to have this talk with itself and that’s why I ask. Would a matchmaker program help you? Or will you get offended at being called an animal as if I am not one too and openly say as much, a lot?
I am not asking to be a dick. I am an aromantic asexual and I see the lot of you that are not as hurting because you all can’t find partners, so stop getting offended at me and let me help you.
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Well then, let me tell you what people like you told me when I voiced similar complaints as a young’un: not everyone in this world is going to be nice to you.
You’re the ones who are gonna suffer for not listening, not me. 🤷
“People are animals”, “people are suffering without FeMalEs”.
This is about the shittiest incel take I’ve ever seen from an ace. Shame on you.
We ARE animals, and you ARE suffering without mates. It’s the truth whether you want to hear it or not.
Being offended doesn’t make facts go away.
People literally are animals, and they never called women females.
It’s not “your society” it’s “our society” mate.
I found things worked out best when I stopped trying to specifically meet someone for the purpose of dating and just started going out and doing stuff I enjoyed with the potential of meeting someone (i.e. not sitting at home playing video games). There was a neighborhood pub I went to when I just wanted to get out of the apt, I was a member of a hiking club that had a cabin, I did stuff solo, etc. Once I stopped trying so hard I actually met more people.
I assumed they were Australian.
Different kind of mate.
Pirate? Arrrrrrr
Agree wholeheartedly on the first paragraph but everything else seems a bit shortsighted to me.
Why would I go to the places where I practice my hobbies to look for love? I’m there for my hobbies, not anything else, as are the people there. I don’t think others would appreciate me trying to hook up with them when I go to the gym or my local card store.
Following your advice sounds pretty, but also sounds like a surefire way to reduce your chances of being in a romantic relationship. I’m sorry but things don’t magically fall into place, somebody has to take the first step, somebody has to want to date.
This isn’t to say dating apps are the answer btw, I don’t think they are, but I think you need to be more proactive if you want a relationship.
I just wanted to comment that this advice will likely minimize your chances of finding someone.
“Go out and do things you enjoy and develop actual connections” is bad advice?
pursuing your goal while acting like you are not pursuing it is counterproductive.
Jesus fuck that’s completely misinterpeting what I said. I said DON’T go trying to hook up. Forget that goal entirely. If all you want is to fuck go to the bunny ranch in Reno.
If you actually want a relationship, a genuine connection, Go to meet FRIENDS. If you’re an actually likeable person people will want to be around you and be with you. But this neckbeard incel attitude is incredibly off-putting, and it makes nobody want to be around you. It’s all self-fulfilling prophecy.
I say that unless you never go out and have no friends friends and no hobbies that’s going to be a massive waste of time. You should let the other person know about your interest in some way and see if they are interested as well. if the best way to find someone is to do what you’re saying there wouldn’t be a reason for dating apps in the first place.
EDIT: I’m not even sure why you are calling me names when you could not even understand what I said. you used the same derogatory terms against someone else that disagreed with you. You come off as very insecure.
You are still misinterpreting me. And claiming I’m misinterpreting you as well lol. Of course you still have to shoot your shot lol. Maybe I’d just assumed that was obvious.
I use names because it’s exasperating and frustrating to have a conversation with pessimists that always have an excuse. I get frustrated when people act like shit is supposed to fall in their laps and complain when it doesn’t.
Relationships take work. Finding a relationship does, too. It takes subtelty and nuance.
I’ve only ever met people online.
And it’s allowed me to be the depraved slut I am today.
Let the squares go do square things.
I said it in a different thread.
I think dating apps were an important tool for women to assert control of their dating lives, ten years ago. And I think for the new generation of young women, a total wall between their daily life and dating life, is less necessary.
My two cents.
Why is that wall needed? Can you expand on this more?
You don’t know what I am talking about?
There was a big trend, and it still exists to an extent today, that many woman do not want to be approached at the gym, etc.
I feel men have finally started adapting to how shitty their behavior was, meaning women are relying less on online dating as a way to stop the feeling of daily irl harassment.
Some coincidence
Yeah wtf with this “it’s not you, it’s me.” It’s 100 fucking percent them.
I’ve been on and off dating sites for over a decade. I watched them all turn to complete shit because Tinder got successful with the swipe only b.s and Business Educated People said “oooo, money! Let’s just completely copy that and even remove useful features we once had to keep people stuck on the sites longer!” and they’ve completely failed at, or don’t care to, address the bot/scammer problem.
Fuck, POF turned into fucking TWITCH for christs sake… They have a streaming function now where people specifically state they are not looking for anything they’re just there to stream and take peoples money…
How about a fediverse dating service? 😏
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I was just playing around, of course haha
But it would be good to have a way to develop services like this but don’t get corrupted by money so easily
So basically a MTG convention with the expectation that there’d be sex at the end?
Ewwwww
Hello there. 👋
But I’m looking for a woman…
There’s plenty of trans women lol
short answer: not possible without real moderation by people who are getting paid for that.
Yeah, I was daring my luck, in case someone had enough motivation to implement it technically. With so many good social apps in the fediverse.
If your only tool is a hammer then every problem looks like a nail
That is an awful idea
I remember back in the day if people found out you were on a dating website, you were basically totally ostracized. Then people realized, well shit, if I’m going to be ostracized for looking for love online, I might as well do it on the free website (POF). But POF basically became the “drug addict and single mom machine”. Then dating apps came out and it became trendy and cool because you didn’t have to actually connect with anyone and you could be aloof and detached and have NSA sex with strangers. Now everyone hates dating apps again. Normalize talking to people about real things in public!
I’m not sure if this applies where you are but since covid it is HARD to talk to people irl. I’m chatty and will strike up conversations everywhere I go. Before covid most people engaged. Since they look at me like I’m grow>ng a second head. Dating apps have always worked well for me though. Damn well.
I remember people would lie about how they met because they didn’t want to say they met online. Oh how the times have been-a-changing
Depending on the context, my partner and I don’t like sharing that we met on an app either.
Apps are difficult since it’s such a lean form of media. Hard to really connect over texts. It’s more fun to meet people through biking groups or camping adventures imo. When I stopped trying to actively seek out love via apps or in general, it also made it easier to date because there was zero stress and zero expectations.
There’s a lot to be said about it but anyone with a brain will agree to this, and simply this;
Good.
Don’t qualify it. Don’t turn it into yet another stale argument that will invariably link some grifter’s asinine manifesto. Everyone from every side can agree that this is a good thing. Let it be enough.
Dating using internet communication works better without dating Apps.
I mean. I used to clean up on Craigslist but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about. Explain.
I like how the title implies that the college students have dumped the app because the CEO has stepped down, as if they only kept using it to not hurt the CEO’s feelings.
I took it the exact opposite way. College students aren’t using the app and the CEO was forced out… I’m sorry “stepped down”
Then it should be the other way around “CEO forced to step down as college students aren’t using the app anymore”, the latter caused the former.
Notice how you have to add the "“is forced to” to make even the “reverse” say what you want. I agree that it isnt a great title, but the “as” indicates things happening at the same time, not necessarily the former causing the latter.
Tbh I just wrote it from memory as I’m on my phone: Bumble CEO steps down as college students dump dating apps
And I have to disagree, it definitely is a causality thing in a weird way, sure they happen at the same time-ish but it implies a connection between the former and the latter — the latter being used as a reference point around which the former is explained to have happened.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a shitty title that could be more clear and I can absolutely see how you can infer that conclusion. But the fact that when you reversed it you had to add “is forced to” to drive home the point just kind of proves my point how weak the inference that the former caused the latter is.
But I rewrote it in the comment you just replied to based on the accurate wording 😅
lol. I didn’t even realize you had rewritten it again. Further driving home the point that the order makes little difference.
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Many posts in lemmy have confusing titles.
I wonder if posters like OP brainstorm for 10 min like… How can I make the title more confusing?
Edit: sorry to all OPs, I’ve never noticed titles are the same after visiting the article page.
It’s the title on the article.
We should stop calling these titles confusing and call them what they are, plain wrong. This is the title of the original article. People who cannot write grammatically correct titles are writing entire articles.
While this article and post happen to have the same title I have noticed that way too many posts have editorialized titles that aren’t nearly what the article is portraying. Needs to be more rules for these communities that the post title must match the article title.
When I posted an article I got a message saying it would be deleted unless I altered my title to the title of the article on the site. I didn’t care for the article on the site but rather the content. I haven’t posted since so I don’t know if that has changed, but I was kind of turned off from posting do to that.
That was in the News thread though.
It doesn’t help that these dating apps are all deeply enshittified. The free experience is kind of shitty, and the paid is suspect and expensive.
They could do more to focus on matching by something other than pictures. Shared interests, maybe.
They could do more to deal with bots, scams, and low effort users.
They could stop showing me people that live in Thailand. For some reason tinder likes to show me people that live 8000 miles away. Probably because they’re paying for it, but it makes the app worse for me.
I can’t speak to what college kids are up to these days. I’m old. I’ve never had a lot of luck “just meeting” people in real life, though. I always struggled with figuring out if someone was available and interested. I have several unpleasant memories of asking people out in college that I’d been spending time with, only for them to be like “sorry my boyfriend [you’ve never met and I never mentioned] and I are exclusive”. (Which may have been a lie to let me down gently, I guess.)
Also when you have a deal breaker or two, having that up front is helpful.
I know rejection is scary, but its not reallyna reflection of you rather then a reflection of someones preference. You could be a greek god and still get rejected.
Keep trying, but in the meantime also focus on you. Do what you need to do to love yourself, and then the rest will follow
I appreciate the kind words! I’m personally doing well dating wise. With one exception it’s all been people met through apps though.
I doubt the core of this is any social awakening…the platforms are simply unusable due to the amount of scams, bots, and spam.
Also, paid models simply won’t work in this sector. Attractive people simply don’t need the apps.
She’s succeeded by Lidiane Jones, a former CEO of Slack, who’s looking for opportunities to use artificial intelligence in dating app algorithms.
Oh great, just what we needed, app sponsored AI bots to lure people into paying premium
app sponsored AI bots to lure people into paying premium
sorry but what do you mean? Can you please explain?
The apps can literally just use AIs to pretend to be real people convincingly to get people to pay for a premium membership to presumably be able to arrange a meetup. After they pay for premium, they’re ghosted, and it’s too late to get their money back.
Among other things
Or have the AI pretend to be the other person for a pair it calculates to match. After the two meet they’ll figure out there was an AI middle man catfishing them both. They’ll have a laugh and live happily ever after.
lol or “pay to win”. Pay to have an AI reply for you that will guarantee to get the conversation going
yes, and how long until this be known? If the company self-sabotage itself so profoundly it will just be the end of the company. I’m not saying that their end goal is to survive forever, but this is incredibly shortsighted.
People would still use the apps anyway or use them specifically to talk to AIs. An AI-driven app that is honest about what it is would probably do a lot more to help than anything else, come to think of it. 🤔
Join blah you have 3 premium messages waiting…
still not get it. You imply that these “premium messages” will be messages by AI bot accounts ?
Yep
and what does it prevent them to do the same thing now? In both cases, sooner or later the real users will figure out they are bot accounts. I don’t get how the company will benefit if they have a series of angry users when they realize that the messages were from bots all along? Or are they gonna keep the bar so high that the end users will never realize that they were bot accounts.
Gets u to buy premium. That’s all they care about. They know many users will drop after a short time anyway. Get $15 from everyone while u can.
Pretty much what pinkdrunkenelephants said earlier, but more likely just fake profiles that are filled with “interesting” random tidbits. On the off case that they match, some conversation might happen and I’d actually bet on the bot eventually ghosting or coming up with an excuse to leave the person and wishing them luck, which more easily avoids being found out and also has a good chance of keeping the person in the app.
This is the best summary I could come up with:
A decline in interest from dating apps’ core demographic is wreaking havoc across the industry, as Bumble’s CEO and founder Whitney Wolfe Herd steps down a day before the company reports earnings, says the Wall Street Journal Monday.
Tinder’s stock plummeted 15% last week after reporting a decline in paying users.
Wolfe Herd, who also cofounded Tinder, started Bumble to create an app where women could have more control by initiating conversations with men to reduce the unwanted and creepy messages that plague dating apps.
She’s succeeded by Lidiane Jones, a former CEO of Slack, who’s looking for opportunities to use artificial intelligence in dating app algorithms.
The resurgence of organic relationships deals a major blow to Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and other dating apps that have profited off the boom of hook-up culture.
Though the company says this is not the case, frustrations with dating apps have percolated through user bases and many are opting for meeting partners the old-fashioned way.
The original article contains 382 words, the summary contains 161 words. Saved 58%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!
I wish dating apps were more tailored towards longer term connections. It’s hard to meet people, but I don’t want to go on tinder to meet people either.
I sometimes think they might be intentionally steering people away from longer term connections because the core model of app development teams nowadays is constantly driving engagement. A long term connection means (hopefully) no more engagement.
This is silly to me for dating apps cuz there are literally always new customers entering the market every single day. It’s not like ppl stopped turning into adults suddenly.
Yes but why stop to the new adults when you can keep your user base? More growth more money.
That is the end of the reflexion for companies.
That’s almost precisely their business model.
Get users, retain users, turn users into recurring paying customers.
Dating apps don’t exist to find you connections, they exist to keep you hooked. They’ll give you the bare minimum of opportunities necessary to make you think they’re viable, drag it out as long as possible, pressure you to pay for premium, and if they ever developed a matching system that worked well, they’d bury it to stop half their userbase from marrying each other and uninstalling the apps.
For what it’s worth that’s been my experience on Hinge.
saw a youtube short about shark tank, that led me to Coffee Meets Bagel a quick google says that is an app for that you can try that
