‘It’s not you, it’s me’ is the gist of college student qualms with dating apps. Hook-up culture declines while young people search for genuine connection.

  • @jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
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    592 years ago

    It doesn’t help that these dating apps are all deeply enshittified. The free experience is kind of shitty, and the paid is suspect and expensive.

    They could do more to focus on matching by something other than pictures. Shared interests, maybe.

    They could do more to deal with bots, scams, and low effort users.

    They could stop showing me people that live in Thailand. For some reason tinder likes to show me people that live 8000 miles away. Probably because they’re paying for it, but it makes the app worse for me.

    I can’t speak to what college kids are up to these days. I’m old. I’ve never had a lot of luck “just meeting” people in real life, though. I always struggled with figuring out if someone was available and interested. I have several unpleasant memories of asking people out in college that I’d been spending time with, only for them to be like “sorry my boyfriend [you’ve never met and I never mentioned] and I are exclusive”. (Which may have been a lie to let me down gently, I guess.)

    Also when you have a deal breaker or two, having that up front is helpful.

    • @chilicheeselies@lemmy.world
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      92 years ago

      I know rejection is scary, but its not reallyna reflection of you rather then a reflection of someones preference. You could be a greek god and still get rejected.

      Keep trying, but in the meantime also focus on you. Do what you need to do to love yourself, and then the rest will follow

      • @jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
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        32 years ago

        I appreciate the kind words! I’m personally doing well dating wise. With one exception it’s all been people met through apps though.

    • @Fungah@lemmy.world
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      12 years ago

      I mean. I used to clean up on Craigslist but I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about. Explain.

  • flicker
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    72 years ago

    There’s a lot to be said about it but anyone with a brain will agree to this, and simply this;

    Good.

    Don’t qualify it. Don’t turn it into yet another stale argument that will invariably link some grifter’s asinine manifesto. Everyone from every side can agree that this is a good thing. Let it be enough.

  • @neptune@dmv.social
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    92 years ago

    I said it in a different thread.

    I think dating apps were an important tool for women to assert control of their dating lives, ten years ago. And I think for the new generation of young women, a total wall between their daily life and dating life, is less necessary.

    My two cents.

      • @neptune@dmv.social
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        62 years ago

        You don’t know what I am talking about?

        There was a big trend, and it still exists to an extent today, that many woman do not want to be approached at the gym, etc.

        I feel men have finally started adapting to how shitty their behavior was, meaning women are relying less on online dating as a way to stop the feeling of daily irl harassment.

  • The Barto
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    1102 years ago

    I like how the title implies that the college students have dumped the app because the CEO has stepped down, as if they only kept using it to not hurt the CEO’s feelings.

    • @deleted@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Many posts in lemmy have confusing titles.

      I wonder if posters like OP brainstorm for 10 min like… How can I make the title more confusing?

      Edit: sorry to all OPs, I’ve never noticed titles are the same after visiting the article page.

      • @eatfudd@lemm.ee
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        42 years ago

        While this article and post happen to have the same title I have noticed that way too many posts have editorialized titles that aren’t nearly what the article is portraying. Needs to be more rules for these communities that the post title must match the article title.

      • @hardware26@discuss.tchncs.de
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        12 years ago

        We should stop calling these titles confusing and call them what they are, plain wrong. This is the title of the original article. People who cannot write grammatically correct titles are writing entire articles.

      • @LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        When I posted an article I got a message saying it would be deleted unless I altered my title to the title of the article on the site. I didn’t care for the article on the site but rather the content. I haven’t posted since so I don’t know if that has changed, but I was kind of turned off from posting do to that.

        That was in the News thread though.

    • @Salamendacious@lemmy.worldOP
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      2 years ago

      I took it the exact opposite way. College students aren’t using the app and the CEO was forced out… I’m sorry “stepped down”

      • Crit
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        172 years ago

        Then it should be the other way around “CEO forced to step down as college students aren’t using the app anymore”, the latter caused the former.

        • @EatATaco@lemm.ee
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          32 years ago

          Notice how you have to add the "“is forced to” to make even the “reverse” say what you want. I agree that it isnt a great title, but the “as” indicates things happening at the same time, not necessarily the former causing the latter.

          • Crit
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            52 years ago

            Tbh I just wrote it from memory as I’m on my phone: Bumble CEO steps down as college students dump dating apps

            And I have to disagree, it definitely is a causality thing in a weird way, sure they happen at the same time-ish but it implies a connection between the former and the latter — the latter being used as a reference point around which the former is explained to have happened.

            • @EatATaco@lemm.ee
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              12 years ago

              Don’t get me wrong, it’s a shitty title that could be more clear and I can absolutely see how you can infer that conclusion. But the fact that when you reversed it you had to add “is forced to” to drive home the point just kind of proves my point how weak the inference that the former caused the latter is.

              • Crit
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                42 years ago

                But I rewrote it in the comment you just replied to based on the accurate wording 😅

                • @EatATaco@lemm.ee
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                  12 years ago

                  lol. I didn’t even realize you had rewritten it again. Further driving home the point that the order makes little difference.

  • I Cast Fist
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    362 years ago

    She’s succeeded by Lidiane Jones, a former CEO of Slack, who’s looking for opportunities to use artificial intelligence in dating app algorithms.

    Oh great, just what we needed, app sponsored AI bots to lure people into paying premium

            • @gohixo9650@discuss.tchncs.de
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              12 years ago

              and what does it prevent them to do the same thing now? In both cases, sooner or later the real users will figure out they are bot accounts. I don’t get how the company will benefit if they have a series of angry users when they realize that the messages were from bots all along? Or are they gonna keep the bar so high that the end users will never realize that they were bot accounts.

              • @Dkarma@lemmy.world
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                12 years ago

                Gets u to buy premium. That’s all they care about. They know many users will drop after a short time anyway. Get $15 from everyone while u can.

      • @pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.world
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        52 years ago

        The apps can literally just use AIs to pretend to be real people convincingly to get people to pay for a premium membership to presumably be able to arrange a meetup. After they pay for premium, they’re ghosted, and it’s too late to get their money back.

        Among other things

        • @slurpeesoforion@startrek.website
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          32 years ago

          Or have the AI pretend to be the other person for a pair it calculates to match. After the two meet they’ll figure out there was an AI middle man catfishing them both. They’ll have a laugh and live happily ever after.

        • @gohixo9650@discuss.tchncs.de
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          22 years ago

          yes, and how long until this be known? If the company self-sabotage itself so profoundly it will just be the end of the company. I’m not saying that their end goal is to survive forever, but this is incredibly shortsighted.

          • @pinkdrunkenelephants@lemmy.world
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            12 years ago

            People would still use the apps anyway or use them specifically to talk to AIs. An AI-driven app that is honest about what it is would probably do a lot more to help than anything else, come to think of it. 🤔

      • I Cast Fist
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        22 years ago

        Pretty much what pinkdrunkenelephants said earlier, but more likely just fake profiles that are filled with “interesting” random tidbits. On the off case that they match, some conversation might happen and I’d actually bet on the bot eventually ghosting or coming up with an excuse to leave the person and wishing them luck, which more easily avoids being found out and also has a good chance of keeping the person in the app.

  • AutoTL;DRB
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    32 years ago

    This is the best summary I could come up with:


    A decline in interest from dating apps’ core demographic is wreaking havoc across the industry, as Bumble’s CEO and founder Whitney Wolfe Herd steps down a day before the company reports earnings, says the Wall Street Journal Monday.

    Tinder’s stock plummeted 15% last week after reporting a decline in paying users.

    Wolfe Herd, who also cofounded Tinder, started Bumble to create an app where women could have more control by initiating conversations with men to reduce the unwanted and creepy messages that plague dating apps.

    She’s succeeded by Lidiane Jones, a former CEO of Slack, who’s looking for opportunities to use artificial intelligence in dating app algorithms.

    The resurgence of organic relationships deals a major blow to Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, and other dating apps that have profited off the boom of hook-up culture.

    Though the company says this is not the case, frustrations with dating apps have percolated through user bases and many are opting for meeting partners the old-fashioned way.


    The original article contains 382 words, the summary contains 161 words. Saved 58%. I’m a bot and I’m open source!

  • @chakan2@lemmy.world
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    02 years ago

    I doubt the core of this is any social awakening…the platforms are simply unusable due to the amount of scams, bots, and spam.

    Also, paid models simply won’t work in this sector. Attractive people simply don’t need the apps.

  • @Wahots@pawb.social
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    42 years ago

    Apps are difficult since it’s such a lean form of media. Hard to really connect over texts. It’s more fun to meet people through biking groups or camping adventures imo. When I stopped trying to actively seek out love via apps or in general, it also made it easier to date because there was zero stress and zero expectations.

  • @dangblingus@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    I remember back in the day if people found out you were on a dating website, you were basically totally ostracized. Then people realized, well shit, if I’m going to be ostracized for looking for love online, I might as well do it on the free website (POF). But POF basically became the “drug addict and single mom machine”. Then dating apps came out and it became trendy and cool because you didn’t have to actually connect with anyone and you could be aloof and detached and have NSA sex with strangers. Now everyone hates dating apps again. Normalize talking to people about real things in public!

    • @Salamendacious@lemmy.worldOP
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      52 years ago

      I remember people would lie about how they met because they didn’t want to say they met online. Oh how the times have been-a-changing

    • @Fungah@lemmy.world
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      32 years ago

      I’m not sure if this applies where you are but since covid it is HARD to talk to people irl. I’m chatty and will strike up conversations everywhere I go. Before covid most people engaged. Since they look at me like I’m grow>ng a second head. Dating apps have always worked well for me though. Damn well.

  • @zepheriths@lemmy.world
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    292 years ago

    Here’s why your apps are failing. You don’t have proper ratios. When women are outnumbered 2 to 1 that means about 33% of the user base can’t use the app as intended. That’s why you are losing users

    • @Dkarma@lemmy.world
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      102 years ago

      Ehh. That would matter if it was. 1:1 ratio of people meet and leave the platform but it’s not. One girl can and will date multiple guys from the platform and vice versa.
      100% can use the app as intended. 33% just don’t have a 1:1 match to rely on…but if we’re being honest no meeting spot ever has a 1:1 chance even if there are same number of men and women present. That’s how life works.

  • Pyr
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    372 years ago

    I wish dating apps were more tailored towards longer term connections. It’s hard to meet people, but I don’t want to go on tinder to meet people either.

    • @kameecoding@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      saw a youtube short about shark tank, that led me to Coffee Meets Bagel a quick google says that is an app for that you can try that

    • @Salamendacious@lemmy.worldOP
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      322 years ago

      I sometimes think they might be intentionally steering people away from longer term connections because the core model of app development teams nowadays is constantly driving engagement. A long term connection means (hopefully) no more engagement.

      • @Icaria@lemmy.world
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        102 years ago

        That’s almost precisely their business model.

        Get users, retain users, turn users into recurring paying customers.

        Dating apps don’t exist to find you connections, they exist to keep you hooked. They’ll give you the bare minimum of opportunities necessary to make you think they’re viable, drag it out as long as possible, pressure you to pay for premium, and if they ever developed a matching system that worked well, they’d bury it to stop half their userbase from marrying each other and uninstalling the apps.

      • @Dkarma@lemmy.world
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        52 years ago

        This is silly to me for dating apps cuz there are literally always new customers entering the market every single day. It’s not like ppl stopped turning into adults suddenly.

        • @Bjornir@programming.dev
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          62 years ago

          Yes but why stop to the new adults when you can keep your user base? More growth more money.

          That is the end of the reflexion for companies.

    • @Asafum@feddit.nl
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      142 years ago

      Yeah wtf with this “it’s not you, it’s me.” It’s 100 fucking percent them.

      I’ve been on and off dating sites for over a decade. I watched them all turn to complete shit because Tinder got successful with the swipe only b.s and Business Educated People said “oooo, money! Let’s just completely copy that and even remove useful features we once had to keep people stuck on the sites longer!” and they’ve completely failed at, or don’t care to, address the bot/scammer problem.

      Fuck, POF turned into fucking TWITCH for christs sake… They have a streaming function now where people specifically state they are not looking for anything they’re just there to stream and take peoples money…