How have you successfully gotten over a breakup? I did not end the relationship and it was the most significant of my life. I feel confused and trying to understand why. I’m not sleeping well and my anxiety has decided to resurface. I’m ruminating. I don’t have many people to go to about this. Please don’t say I will find someone else, because I can’t go there right now. And I know it won’t happen anyway.
It’s so hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I can say time will help. And that is very true, but it doesn’t help you in this moment. But it’s something to think about.
Meditation helps. I was in such a bad place after a breakup. I had a constant feeling of panic and depression. I started to meditate. Guided meditations from online. I would seriously meditate for 1.5 or 2 hours every day, sometimes twice. It helped a little and it used up the time I would normally spend feeling miserable.
My attitude was to find ways to occupy my time so I couldn’t use that time letting my mind spin. I started saying “yes” anyone asked me to do something that would use up my time. I made some friends because of that, too.
Good luck, feeling for you.
Trying to understand why will cause you even more pain. My advice: treat it as a funeral/loss of a loved one. The time has simply come. Do your mourning and move on. Dwelling on it will only cause my pain and reopen old wounds.
Breakups suck, and there’s no shortcut to getting through them.
Time will help you heal. You will go through the morning cycle - look it up, if you need a refresher - and the end of the cycle is “acceptance”. Look forward to it!
Take your time, and try to focus on yourself. It’s normal to feel uneven when someone/something that’s meaningful for you suddently (or forcefully) goes away.
And not because you broke up with that person it means you cannot reamain friends.
But right now you got to get on your feet. (unless you have a cat over your chest, in that case do not move).
Be kind to yourself! :)
The best way to get over a breakup is to hook up with as many random people as possible. Take a couple nice pictures, set up a tinder/bumble/zoosk/hinge/badoo/whatever dating app you choose and just get out there and have a bunch of casual consensual sex. It’ll feel gross at first but just grit your teeth and power through because it’ll feel a lot better after a while
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I’m not sure that is right for me, but I appreciate the input.
I’m sorry this happened. It fucking sucks.
Let me try to help.
Your world was shattered and you need a new baseline. One of the (many, many) painful elements of transitioning relationships is loss of routine. It feels like shit because when you hit that old routine, you give yourself a dose of pain as you’re reminded of your reality. Recognize that right now, your previous life is gone and routines need updated.
How do you think about things? I’m a visual, hands on, person. If it were me, I’d grab my digital notebook and start planning.
I need to plan the big beats of the day, and then let the other variables guide me.
I’d break it into three sections: My morning routine, afternoon, and evening.
How are important things like meals and work tackled? Don’t just think about these things, live them! Mentally think about work on Monday. Did your ex give you a ride? You need a new routine. Did they pack your lunch? You need a new routine. Did they cook dinner? Etc.
Finally, how do these routines change for the weekend? 3 more paths.
Good luck. This isn’t easy and it feels like shit. I hope anything I said is helpful.
DM me directly if you have and specific questions or want to share personal details that aren’t appropriate in a forum setting.
If I can help you I will. You’re not alone.
Time heals all wounds. How long has it been and how long were you together?
Some say “half the length of the relationship” as a rule of thumb to heal, but it varies.
Together a year and 8 months. It ended last Saturday.
Every week it gets a tiny bit easier. In a couple months, you’ll notice a significant difference. Just stay busy
Thanks!
I’m very sorry you’re going through this. Someone broke things off with me and it still hurts, even if it has been a while. The first month was the hardest, then it gets easier bit by bit. What helped me was keeping busy with work, I had a lot going on to keep me distracted. I tried to do things that I didn’t do before, or that I wanted to try and never got the chance to do, or stopped doing when I got in the relationship. I found it important to try to enjoy my solitude, but that takes time. Go places, even if it’s very near you. I delved into my hobbies to keep my mind off of it. If you can, try to process things bit by bit, just don’t try to escape your feelings in the long run, that fucked me over(It’s been a while since I avoided processing my former relationship so yea).
Yeah, we can’t escape feelings forever. I guess it’s just tough to understand why I have to go through so many difficulties in life.
Again, I’m sorry you have to deal with a lot right now, I wish I could help you. I forgot to add in my original comment to do “the list”. Add to it little by little over time some aspects that stuck with you from the former relationship(if it is not too painful). This is a tool to use for self reflection and to not idealise the former partner(s), it’s useful when I think about reaching out.
For me it’s easier in a way, the relationship that ended sucked, but my mind often recalls what I wanted it to be instead of what it was. Recalling and seeing what went down is crucial for me, because it lets me know how I acted in certain situations and allows me to take responsibility for my actions(and if I don’t like them, to see their root and try to look at it with compassion and patience instead of shame and frustration-still a work in progress for me right now).
While looking forward is scary, there is always something waiting. I thought I would never be worthy of peace or acceotance after I ended a previous relationship, and then the last one happened, which was good when it started. Give yourself time and care, to grieve and recharge. Breakups are exhausting. (Sorry for the long post) I’m rooting for you, and please don’t hesitate to reach out whenever you can, I’m looking forward to an update.
I have. But it took literal years, I think about 3 or 4 years to completely get over it.
That’s a very long time.
But you come out the other end a stronger person than you were before.
I think so too.
I’ve had past experiences with this type of stuff. It gets easier over time, with time being key.
It can be. But also don’t be hard on yourself if it does take a while. It’s okay if it does. It’s also not as intense for as long.
Maybe a therapist would be helpful as somebody you can vent to and help you through it.
Thanks, I have an appointment next month. It’s tough in the interim.
Glad to hear! Hopefully you find it helpful (if not find someone else).
For sure, same here. Maybe longer. Looking back it was for the best that things ended, but boy did it suck at the time.
No quick fix, just focus on a goal that makes you proud of yourself and distracts you
You’re going to have to accept that it’ll hurt for a long time. Give yourself some grace and let yourself be heartbroken for as long as you need. It sucks, but you’ll snap out of it eventually.
Two things that will probably help:
- Hang out with people you like
- Do things that make you proud of what you did that day
It’s easy to skip into a hole and wallow there. While you have to let yourself grieve, you also have to put in the work to have a constructive life. Treat it as a responsibility to get up and do something each day.
Thank you, accepting that it will hurt for a long time sounds beneficial.
Going through a break up sucks. Like really sucks. There’s no getting around it that I’ve found. It does get better after some time (maybe a lot of time), but I wouldn’t worry about that right now. Exercise seemed to help me with some of the overthinking and rumination. Over time it will get less raw and you’ll likely develop some perspective that will help, But for now take time to grieve and feel sad.
Exercise sounds like a good idea.
I moved on tremendously from my first break up by taking shrooms and crying about every little detail to a friend for 6 hours. The next day I felt normal. The next week I felt half as bad as originally. My normal grieving period is about 3 months to 3 years, average is somehow 3 weeks.
Thank you
It’s a lot like a funeral really. You will want to shoot them a text, or tag them on social media, and you can’t or just get sad when you do. And if it’s someone you really, truly cared for, it will take a long while. And that’s okay. I seriously lost who I thought was the one I was supposed to be with, did a couple short realtionships and some one night stands (all optional) and then met my wife three years after that big break up. But you just keep keeping on
It really is like a funeral.
No one ever really gave me advice, but your friends can help and also just do stuff. Get out of the house, go watch movies, or anything really. Things that help pass time, will help, or at least it did me.
It will suck for a while. And then it will get better. And it will stop hurting. Go hang out with friends as much as you can. Keep busy. Time is the only cure and keeping busy will make time go faster.
Thank you
