Me personally? I’ve become much less tolerant of sexist humor. Back in the day, cracking a joke at women’s expense was pretty common when I was a teen. As I’ve matured and become aware to the horrific extent of toxicity and bigotry pervading all tiers of our individualistic society, I’ve come to see how exclusionarly and objectifying that sort of ‘humor’ really is, and I regret it deeply.
“if I were you”. When I was younger I lack the ability really consider others’ situation and put myself in their shoes. Not because I thought I’m better than them but thought I see a better way. I don’t exactly remember when I stopped using it but I’m pretty sure it’s around when I realized I would beat the shit out of me if I was my own child.
I used to bother people about sexist humor. Turns out most of the time they just have bad humor or are following whatever was funny back when they watched TV. I don’t do that anymore. It’s not worth my time and it can easily turn a well meaning person into an upset and confused person. I just come up with a good and funny comeback and throw it into their face.
The country where I live had a score of 83.9/100 on the gender equality index, and I’m F29.
As a millennial, we grew up with the phrases “that’s gay” and “that’s retarded” (which meant the same thing) and obviously we had to learn to phase those out.
While I never once meant “that’s disabled” or “that’s homosexual”… We obviously don’t say that stuff anymore.
Yep we used to use “that’s gay” all the time. Never meant other than that is stupid.
I witnessed something at work a few weeks ago, that caught me off guard. One of the managers was asking for a favour off one of the lads in work, it’s a blue collar job so it’s never been PC, “Carl, need a favour, can you do such and such” “Can’t sorry Steve” “Go on lad don’t be gay” “Steve, I’ve been taking cock for the last 25 years and you asking me to stop for an extra hours work won’t stop me”
Everyone around just creased up laughing.
That’s not funny at all. I would report Steve to HR immediately.
Steve is the HR manager
You’re not wrong, Walter, you’re just an asshole.
Now THAT sounds like a friendly work environment lol
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I think you’re applying very limited and anecdotal definitions that most people don’t/didn’t strictly adhere to.
I learned these real quick in the workplace as a young adult, around a coworker with a mentally disabled child, and with a coworker who was gay. The abstraction is what made using such crude language easy. As soon as I knew someone affected by the words, I snapped out of it.
Abstraction, come to think of it, is what permits a lot of bad behavior.
See, this is why we need more diverse representation in the media now. Manchildren always whine about “diversity ruining everything” when it’s really a truer reflection of America’s evolving demographics.
People don’t complain about diversity usually, they complain about bad writing. It needs to be part of a story and not just a checkbox
If hollywood could figure out how to make well-written diverse stories it’d remove the ability for bigots to obfuscate by lumping themselves in with people who just don’t like the writing
On it.
Huh
No there are an absolute ton of people who are just bigots. Look at the drive among the US right to remove diversity programs.
There are a lot of people who complain about diversity. Sadly stupid people exist.
I still say “That’s pretty gay” but only for things like rainbows or LGBT bumper stickers.
Once upon a brighter time, gay was only colloquially used to convey happiness, unrelated to the sexual connotations there is today.
Such a sad time we live in where everything becomes a sensitive topic that can insult and hurt.
To clarify before I get cancelled to oblivion 😂 - you want your diversity, fine with me, good for you, but please there is no need to be a touchy one and reserve a swathe of labels to get insulted by when it can clearly be decided upon context if it was meant to be insulting or not.
Cruelty and violence towards intelligent creatures every single day until nearly my 40s.
As I’ve gotten older (65M), I find that I have grown less hurried and hasty to judge.
Hurrying and rushing really doesn’t help me to do anything faster or better, so why bother?
You do need to be able to quickly judge and assess people and situations in many settings and for a variety of reasons. That being said, I find that judging people prematurely can fail to appreciate their extenuating or particular circumstances. Everyone’s got their own lives, problems and situations. For that matter, everyone can just have a crappy day. Doesn’t mean you have to take crap from people, just helps to give the benefit of the doubt where and when feasible.
Christianity.
Can’t think of too many, quite honestly. I don’t buy into most of the bullshit these days. Moving the goalpost all the time doesn’t change the underlying issues and yet that is all most people want to do - make a meaningless gesture to make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside even though nothing has changed.
I was raised in a fundamental christian extremest environment and stuck with it for 30 years. I’m now a card carrying atheist.
I was raised Baptist, with all the shitty bells and whistles. I’m now an agnostic theist. Part of me is still fond of Christianity, but definitely not the more eyebrow-raising stuff nor the church.
I am proud of my new theistic beliefs now, as they remain rational and embrace how little we really can know. And now I validate atheism as rational and normal too. At least in principle— some atheists can be as cultish and angry as some Christians or some vegans or any other community that focuses on world-scale beliefs and issues. But I digress.
Congrats on getting away from extremists and forming your own beliefs, fam.
If you’re carrying a card you’re still in a cult.
TIL my local library is a cult
The cult of the shhhs
Church of Satan
I always call those people anti-theists, as opposed to atheists. The ones who almost have their lack of religion as a religion in itself and criticise (and let’s be honest, demean) anyone with a faith.
By all means, criticise the church, and the structures, which harm people. Criticise the willfully misinterpreted doctrine. The religions themselves, people’s beliefs? Leave them alone.
Those people’s beliefs destroy society. It’s the #1 citation for abortion legislation. Literal wars have been fought over “beliefs” about who is the best magic sky fairy. Ever heard of Sharia law? Believe it or not, based on these “beliefs”.
So no. Fuck no. I will not leave them alone.
And the 99% of people who don’t loudly practice extreme beliefs which have been coopted for nefarious purposes?
In 2016, nearly 80% of Ireland identified as Catholic, and that was a low point for the country. Yet in 2015, we voted for same sex marriage; in 2018, we voted to legalise abortion; in 1995, we voted to legalise divorce; in 2018, we voted to stop treating blasphemy as an offence; in 1973, we voted to recognise other religions and stop putting Catholicism on a pedestal.
There’s plenty to criticise mass religion, and especially institutions for, but don’t conflate the powerful, and the extremists, who choose bigotry and hate over love and compassion, with the everyday person who just wants something to provide them with peace.
Criticise the willfully misinterpreted doctrine
Do you think there is something inherently good or harmless in religion and that harmful practice is always the result of misinterpretation?
Most of the time yes. A really simple example is the Bible line “thou shall not lie with men as women”, the original text says boys not men. The Jewish peoples saw the Greeks fucking kids and said “hey, uh no, let’s make that a law, that you shouldn’t do that”. Boy became men, and that’s been used to claim the Bible forbids homosexuality.
I don’t think there’s anything ultimately wrong with religion as such. People always try to find meaning and purpose in life. If religion gives them a way of doing that, then excellent; if religion plays no part, then also excellent. The goal is to be a good person, regardless of why you do it. Is a Christian who follows the tenent “love thy neighbour” worse than someone who loves their neighbour? A Jew who helps Muslims despite the tensions between their faiths, and they help because YHWH says to? Are they worse than an atheist who chooses to not help? Religion isn’t the problem. People are, people are always the problem.
FYI, people’s beliefs can be wrong. If someone’s religion says the Earth is 6000 years old, then that religion is harmful and we should not tolerate that belief.
Obviously there is nuance here. It’s not ok to be prejudiced against religious people, but we shouldn’t let people get away with nonsense by calling it religion.
Oh absolutely, criticise the beliefs that don’t make sense, and are tolerated. But pretty much everyone of most major faiths believe in science. There’s the fundamentalists, who are extremely loud in their ignorance, but the majority of people aren’t that.
Not even close. Try again
Quite a few. I grew up in a conservative, racist family. It took me a long time to unwind the problematic casual phrases I grew up with. I’m not proud of it, and I occasionally cringe looking backwards. I realize now the tremendous weight and damage those phrases could do. Now I just try to be better day by day, and to make sure I don’t perpetuate those damaging habits in my own children.
I’ve done ny best to shake out ableist, racist, and other harmful speech.
We may be able to speak freely but we are all held accountable for the words we say
Yeah, I hit my teens at the turn of the millennium. Saying “gay,” and all it’s synonyms, was just an everyday thing. I watched the movie Waiting the other day and was surprised at how they dropped the word faggot almost immediately and repeatedly, until I remembered that’s how people talked 20 years ago. It definitely made me think about how if you dial the clock back 60, 70 years, the N word was probably just as commonplace, and society has done a great job of getting rid of that. So I suppose I have hope that we can continue to wipe out hateful speech, we just need a minute.
I feel this is one of the big concerns around cancel culture. I said all types of stuff growing up as a millennial that was fine then, but probably wildly offensive in the future and not great now.
The same as OP
Same. So glad I grew out of that edgy phase.
I used to slip in to a bit where I was sarcastically a character that took on beliefs basically the exact opposite of my own. I would make sexist or lightly racist (stereotype) jokes that I didn’t actually believe but thought were funny. The jokes were ofter at the expense of myself or people like me but involved bringing up other races, sexes, and ethnicities.
I made an effort to stop doing this for a couple reasons. The first being that idk if I’m really good or really bad at sarcasm but a lot of people just wouldn’t get my joke and I was afraid people actually believed that was who I was.
Secondly, I had a kid. I realized that she parrots everything I say and do, and she wouldn’t understand the layers of the joke and could potentially become what I was making fun of.
I listen to a lot of comedians in podcast and I envy their ability to slip in and out of bits with other comedians knowing they all get it, but for now I make an effort to end that bit.
I think doing those things when it’s clear, is fine. As a queer person, when I catch my friends (usually inadvertently) say something queerphobic, I’ll lean it and switch it to be critical of the cishet equivalent.
I think when it’s clear, and when it’s being used for a good reason, then there’s no issue. You make a very good point about your child though. They don’t usually get the nuances that an adult should.
Oh god I’ve got so many.
My latest one is remembering that you can’t really fight fire with fire, unless you’re being extraordinarily strategic about it. Attacking bigotry for instance, simply makes it stronger, as it feeds off strife and fear themselves. Remembering why Michelle Obama said when they go low, we go high. Not out of any great preference, but out of a lack of viable alternatives in her situation.
You can’t actually “fight” it. You can exclude it. You can corral it. You can trick it into running itself off a cliff. But you can’t actually destroy it by combating it directly, because it feeds off the combat, just like Trump does. You have to outmaneuver it.
Like the black musician who befriended all those kkk members and got them to retire their hoods and leave the kkk. It wasn’t by been mean and condescending he was very nice to them.
… now that I’ve gotta google… lol
His name’s Daryl Davis and he’s done numerous talks, including this TEDx talk.
Also if you can tolerate Joe Rogan, he’s on one of the few eps actually worth listening to. Guy’s a goddamn treasure.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/watch?v=ORp3q1Oaezw
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source, check me out at GitHub.
Like the black musician who befriended all those kkk members and got them to retire their hoods and leave the kkk.
Daryl Davis is a hero.
There’s a WBC member that was being groomed for politics and he was turned by two Jewish guys while he was in university. They killed him with kindness. He wrote a book about it and there’s a great NPR interview with him and he talks about it.
Pride started as a riot. Women’s Lib started as a riot. Peaceful demonstrations achieve nothing.
I routinely attack bigots on social media. I enjoy writing and their shitty views are basically writing prompts for me.
At no point have I ever expected to change the bigots mind. They’re not going to read a social media comment and wake up a new person – they’d lose their bigot friends and bigot family.
But I have changed the minds of spectators, and thats important. Which is why assholes should never be left unchallenged when they’re being assholes, especially on the safety of the internet.
I don’t think there’s that many spectators wandering around in true states of neutrality wondering whether their various conspiracies are true. Most people lean already, they’ve been already influenced. Thus, if not approached very strategically, you’re actually recruiting for both sides.
Remember, they’ve attacked rationality and logic themselves. The people who still put faith in rationality and logic, and thus can be convinced with it, were not particularly vulnerable in the first place.
“Conventional wisdom” is a thing. There are people who have adopted propaganda and misinformation as opinions simply because it never crossed their mind to challenge it.
I don’t use the word ‘faggy’ to describe things that are faggy but not in a homophobic way. I also don’t eat squid or octopus.
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