Based off a post I made on Reddit a while back. Hope y’all enjoy.
Edit: Since people are mentioning it - the stat buffs do not matter. I was being silly when I threw those in. But yes, the scale is 0-100.
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- Penny
- Glasses
- Sleep mask
Charisma glasses would open up all kinds of awful things in the wrong hands. And there will be hell to pay if you take them off at the wrong moment.
The shoes open up a whole can of worms. Just consume the last two decades of Flash (DC comics) media and you’ll understand. Breaking physics like this opens up all kinds of utility, but the universe does not abide by people ignoring thermodynamics and spacetime.
The sleep mask sounds like a way to get anywhere from 5-8 more wakeful hours in a day, every day. But do I also get tired like normal if I use it? Because if I have to go to sleep every 20 hours, and spend 2-3 of those hours absolutely exhausted, that’s gonna completely screw up my schedule.
The frying pan is my speed. Get people over to your place and you won’t need the other items. Just make awesome relationships and build a posse around impossibly good home cooked meals. Win everybody over, work your way up in society, and start slinging tasty meals at state dinners. Together, you’ll conquer the world one plate at a time.
Edit: The coin is a monkey’s paw in disguise. Stay away.
Edit2: Underwear… look, if you need this, you have to re-evaluate some stuff. Otherwise, healthy body odor is kind of a factor in courtship. Plus it says “odor free”, so that includes perfume. That said, if you’re the rugged outdoor type and want to trek Patagonia for weeks on end, this is the item to pack.
The shoes are probably worthless to most folks, +400% stamina isn’t a whole lot when you only have 1 stamina. Would they work during sex? You’re faster, but also last longer?
I’d probably take the mask, just because that’s what would benefit me the most right now.
The coin, because I can flip every two weeks to attempt total world domination, and it has a pretty high chance of succeeding somehow. Or just more mundane things like flipping to win the jackpot.
The slick talker glasses are also pretty overpowered, you can achieve much the same as with the penny if you can just give a quick speech and everyone in the room either tries to fuck you or be you five minutes later.
But my heart is with the quick sleeper mask, I’m never really rested after waking up and also procrastinate going to bed all the time. Getting a full rest in one hour sounds like the dream
I see we had the same thought process, I think I’d take the mask too even though the coin is technically far more powerful if random in its power.
If you have the coin, you’ll pretty much get infinite money. With that you can buy and sleep treatment you need. Also, not having to work means you can sleep whenever you want.
I’ll do you one better and rank these instead.
- Lucky Penny
- Caffeinated shoes
- Fatigue masking mask
- Frying pan of flavor
- The cool glasses
- Underwear of febreze
I really wanted to put the caffeinated shoes at number 1, but the lucky Penny sounds OP.
Also, the underwear is an unfortunate item because most people who need it wouldn’t choose it. It’s also the only item that could be simulated with one hour of effort a day (at most) for most people.
That’s what I was thinking but Lucky Penny is weirded way too close to a monkey paw,
And I think the shoes may make you run a long way tall fast but only as fast as you could already run? Because it’s only while afternoons lasts. Heck it might just insta gib you
Nah, glasses need to be ranked much higher. Do you realize how powerful those are just in every day use? Always impress at job interviews or reviews for promotions/raises? Use in sales jobs or anything customer/client facing to always come out of it ahead? Not only being able to be effortlessly popular in all forms of relationships, but also always know the right things to say to help those people or help them feel better?
“Social situations” is such a broad term that applies to so much of life, and being able to navigate them perfectly implies more than just schmoozing your way to the top. They’d help you do better and be better, basically everywhere.
I think you’re right about the glasses. At the very least they’re probably better than that frying pan. The more I think about it they might be right under that penny.
With the glasses it’s all fun and games until you’re assassinated by someone you accidentally crossed without even knowing. Because assassination is not so much of a social situation ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I mean, that’s on you for abusing any power up. If you’re trying to rule the world, then sure you might run into some repercussions. If you’re just living your own life, knowing the best way to navigate any interaction with another person is powerful.
Any of the items could be abused in a way that would make enemies, and some of them have other drawbacks on top of that.
Being generous, I’d say I could run maybe a half mile at full tilt before I collapse completely. +400% stamina would put me at two miles, and the shoes last “while stamina lasts.” Pretty strong, but not Flash OP.
Ah fuck not hipsters run while you still can
12 hours of solid fucking global mayhem every two weeks on a 50/50?! I’m patient. I’ll take the lucky penny.
The penny is so OP and I don’t think people understand how. You could essentially control almost any event in the world just by betting on it. If you win the coin toss, just bet on an election or the World Cup or whatever. All of a sudden, Tupac is still alive and just won both. Plus, you won the trifecta and turned $1 into $1 million.
Be the president? Too stressful! Run the whole world from the shadows. Literally no one will ever think you control anything, even if you tell them. It will look like pure coincidence.
You would get banned from pretty much every betting app in the first coin flip. They don’t like winners
I think the penny is overrated. I don’t interpret + 100 to be a guarantee, only that desirable outcomes are much more likely. I see it as a long-term general buff but difficult to direct.
You missed the part where anything the user attempts will work out in their favor.
Like predicting lottery numbers.
Right, although you wouldn’t be guaranteed to win the jackpot, but you’d win some money.
If I equip the shoes and the frying pan, I can RP as the scout from tf2.
BONK
I’m not even winded!
Easily the penny. The mask is tempting to have more time in my day but I can just gamble and make a ton of money meaning I wouldn’t have to work. It would also help with a ton of other stuff.
the glasses definitely
I already have the frying pan
My nigga.
You can’t have my frying pan, but supper’s at 6, the pan will have mac and cheese in it tonight, made with twisty noodles instead of elbows and my bechamel based cheese mix has about 6 kinds of cheese topped with more cheese and panko.
I’ve always been envious of people with great social skills. I could accomplish a lot more if I had them. The glasses for sure.
Agreed. Wish I understood just how much more important spcial skills are over a professional skill.
The fatigue mask makes the underwear irrelevant. If I have an extra 7 hours in a day, I can spend some of that showering. You’d essentially gain an extra 3.5 months every year in additional time, plus you’d never be tired for any of it. There’s a lot I could do with that time.
The Pan is questionably useful. Delicious food is cool, but has limited use with the cooldown. If I wanted to start a restaurant or something, could I only cook 3 delicious meals in a day? Or does “while in use” mean I could use it to continuously cook for 8 hours? If so, you could run a 3 star Michelin restaurant.
The shoes also seem limited to me. I can only use it until my stamina runs out? My stamina is already so low that 5x isn’t even that much. I suppose I could use them to win the Olympics without training, but would they count as a violation? I really don’t want to get involved in the underground track and field ring.
The glasses are very useful, lots of ways to find success if you know your way around networking. Being able to talk your way into or out of anything could get you crazy money, power, success, etc. in whatever you choose to do.
The penny is also mad useful. It essentially covers the abilities of all other items, albeit with a massive cooldown. Even still having an entire day of things going your way 26 times a year is an insane amount. You could win the lottery, start and sell successful businesses, find the love of your life, whatever, as long as you can make it happen in 12 hours.
I think it really comes down to the mask, the glasses or the penny. The mask really appeals to the tired part of me, but it doesn’t really give you any superhuman abilities, just extra time to be normal, and I’d probably just waste it anyway. And while the glasses would be useful daily, you’d still have to do a lot of work to get yourself into important social situations to make use of it. Essentially your job would become networking. With the penny, I really think I could use its power to get myself into those situations by sheer luck, and then also have them go my way, by luck. I think I could end up making as much progress in those 12 hours as I could with 2 weeks of the glasses. Plus with the money I win from the lottery, I could fund projects faster instead of having to talk my way into funding.
I’m gonna go with the penny.
Honestly I think the pan, mask and the glasses are kind of a curse? How would I ever know if people actually like ME or just the glasses? All of my relationships would require keeping the glasses on, that’s just stressful! How would I enjoy the taste of food or ever try new meals if it’s always great? I’d just make the same thing over and over while being content, not actually happy. And if I sleep only an hour a day that’s just gonna put me out of sync with the world and lead to loneliness.
The long cool down on the penny is honestly it’s best feature, gives you room to still live your life.
This is something I’ve thought about for a long while. As a socially awkward kid, I read the stories of King Arthur. One of the stories about one of his knights (can’t remember which) the knight is given an enchanted item that charms everyone he speaks to and makes them like him. This immediately captured my fascination as a socially inept kid, but the more I thought about it, it would be living hell.
You would never EVER believe anyone genuinely enjoyed your company again, constantly wondering if it was the enchantment. Even if you removed the item and found someone who liked you natrually without it, normal appreciation or regard would NEVER come close to the enchanted one, and it would now FEEL like they disliked you. It would poison your entire life
Fatigue mask seems cool, until you’re just spending 7 extra hours a day procrastinating doing the thing you thought you’d use all this extra time to achieve.
The glasses are OP. With them, nobody can even be mad at you for all the procrastination.
Are they? There’s a significant difference between “feeling” rested and “being” rested.
Yeah if you take it at face value that one is pretty cursed. You’re gonna get sleep deprivation affects and diseases pretty quickly if it only makes you feel rested. But it’s entirely possible they intended it to mean properly and healthily rested. If that’s the case I think it’s a top contender, but still not my choice.
Fatigue mask fixes my insomnia, I like to think that the world isn’t ready for that amount of unbridled power
… In reality, I probably just exist as I do today, just less knackered
The hours are great but falling asleep instantly and waking up fully rested… oh my… I don’t remember the last time I felt fully rested even after 8 hours.
