I saw this years ago and I still think it was primitive office humor. Snails ate delicious plants and there were probably monks waging a war against them. The incredulity of fighting so hard against an enemy so weak was funny.
This seems like a plausible explanation, but I’d maybe expect to see a few giant slugs and caterpillars - these are at least as damaging to crops as snails.
Im betting they got all done up in their armor and went to fight in muddy battlefields, and when they were not fighting the enemy they were dealing with snails crawling inside the armor and being all slimy and disgusting crawling between the knights legs and the armor.
Oh dear. I read that as ‘fisting’ at first.
I picked the wrong day to give up sniffing glue.
Japan is attacked by sea creatures.
England is besieged by Snailfist and his legion of slime.
Not friends of the gentle racing snails? How sad…
“And if you join our ranks today, they never will!”
-Me, while extending my hand out in invitation for YOU READING THIS to join the…
Associated
Society of
Snail
Hunters and
Ancient
Truth
Seekers
…yes, I know. Yes, we’re technically the “A.S.S.H.A.T.S.”… Yes very funny, okay, have your moment… It’s a secret society okay, so it doesn’t actually even come up, nobody will know, it’s fine… IT’S FINE.
Because they probably had a great sense of humour, comedy clubs and memes back then too, but hey let’s ignore that for just a moment to imagine how hardcore a knight you would have to be to fight off Cthulhu snails
The mystery of the medieval fighting snails 23rd December 2023, 09:00 EST
This dude got payed to post this Ai article on christmas eve
Honestly, it would be amazing if the answer was that large mollusks actually existed and were poorly documented.
And just like… Disintegrated instead of fossilizing
The bodies yes, the shells I imagine were fashioned into exceptional armor locked in ancient vaults.
I’m not an expert by ANY means, but I think there needs to be strict conditions to make fossils. I think most bones just eventually turn to dust
That’s true although I would also hypothesize that giant mollusks would likely fall into a biome that has these conditions.
That said, I could see body of a slug not really getting fossilized. The shell probably would be, but maybe not depending on circumstances.
I hate long articles with lots of theories and the ending is “we don’t know”.
Gardeners… Nuff said
Ever heard of the Voynich manuscript? Imo human expression finds a way, church or not, technology or not.
He links to this great Reynard the fox poem about fighting a snail: https://www.flickr.com/photos/29320962@N07/3050276900
Did they also take that challenge with the immortal snail?
Plot twist: its actually the same person making the snail memes today, yet to be caught and looking for new ways to stay one step ahead of the snail
one step ahead of the snail
I dare say it shouldn’t be very hard to stay one step ahead of a snail.
But it never stops since its immortal. Keep that motherfucker in eyesight or one day it’ll just be there at your feet, waiting to kill you!
Oh, it’s easy to run away from a snail. You get away, and for weeks, even months, you stay vigilant. But one day, when your vigilance fades, you find yourself surrounded
A few hundred years from now, historians are going to be equally confused by the horse-sized duck images …
What about the cat pictures? Will they think they’re our gods?
Wait, they aren’t?
Source: the cat pictures from every single culture in history.
There was this thing going around my work where people would caption a nuke explosion with a mention of a certain guy using the microwave again. There was an incident with a break room microwave. Now imagine if that survives and a thousand years passes.
We believe the one called Gary was a deity of all things nuclear to these people.
Well Dodo’s were big ass duck like birds, though not as near as big as a horse. Weird thing, they haven’t been extinct that long.
Shoebills are a little closer in size, and they’re still around.
There going to have to sift through so much porn.
Porn will train the next-gen AIs and, since AI cannot tell the difference, in the future 90% (-99%?) of all language will be based on porn, just as (looking back with 20/20 hindsight) the proportion of the current internet would imply must have been true of today’s culture.
“Yes spank me harder daddy” will come to mean “I would like a promotion in my place of employment, so that I can take on exciting new challenges in this fast-paced, team environment”:-)
Ofc, “help me stepbro, I am stuck” will still mean the same thing as it always has.
spoiler
the joke here is that the change in meaning has already occurred
Future generations are going to be so confused… :-P So exactly as we are now, I guess? :-D
And why there are so many pictures of bananas next to things.
"We hypothesize that the bananas of the 21st century were a different type, one that grew in a wider range of climates. We’re not certain why this breed seem to have randomly fallen from the trees so often, but perhaps it helps explain all these other drawings of inattentive humans slipping on random banana peels as well. … "
… Actually the lore behind banana peel gags is more interesting than you think. They were a super cheap snack in Victorian London and the bananas they had were the gros Michel cultivar which had really thick slippery peels and a lack of general cuture of actually throwing garbage in the bin meant that a lot of them rotted on the street so early comedy stage acts started using them as a gag because slipping on them was a common sometimes life threatening hazard.
But because art borrows from art the banana peel gag outlasted the cultural problem that sparked it by over a century.
I had no idea about the Gros Michel peels - that’s fascinating!! Thank you for sharing that!
I read once on reddit that a dominos pizza guy claims people still occasionally demand the pizza for free since it took more than 30 minutes to arrive.
A promotion that ran for a few months 33 years ago.
But immortalized in stuff like the Ninja Turtles movie and various other tv shows. Exactly same principle!
Good lord, that really stuck in our culture.
Never forget
Go fighting flail snails
I think we know the real answer.
Humanity was ruled by giant snails and their hyper intelligent queen, and it was only through the bravery of these fine knights were our shackles cast off and the mollusk menace thrown down.
And, in great effort to hide our collective shame, all knowledge about this was intentionally purged, Save for a few manuscripts who managed to be overlooked or were kept in hiding, so hints of humanities true history would be known.
Hail Mollusca! Slime will prevail!
And now we listen to the snails in our ears.
Well, do you see any giant snails around? No? Then thank those knights
“Lisa… I’m going to buy your knight”
Sounds like an ecological disaster to me, so no thanks to them.
