Almost all my life I’ve absolutely despised children. Pretty much from the moment I stopped being a child I’ve hated being around children.
It doesn’t even matter what the child is doing. Whether they’re laughing and having fun or screaming and throwing a tantrum. The sound of a child being loud activates an almost primal rage that I can barely contain.
I’ve had to leave social gatherings/restaurants/grocery stores all because if I’d stayed I’d have made a complete ass of myself by screaming at a child just for existing.
It’s even worse with infants which makes me feel horrible because I know they can’t help it. I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Is there anything I can do to stop from getting so angry?
You seems to react to high pitched voice/sound of children. Hate the noise not the origin
I struggle with a lot of sounds, having a sensory processing disorder, the list of which is far too long to write out here. So I totally understand the frustration and how rage inducing it is, you are definitely not alone. Especially when people don’t understand it’s not a patience issue, it’s a ‘my brain isn’t wired the same way as yours and it genuinely cannot be fixed’ issue.
Other people have mentioned therapy, which is definitely a good idea. They can help you find ways to channel the energy into something else, or help you find the root cause (if it’s a children-specific thing, and not just a general sensory issue), or teach you good cognitive behavioral therapy practices.
In the interim, since finding a good therapist for you can take a lot of time, I would definitely recommend some form of earplugs. Mine have saved me and my sanity so so so many times. If I can recommend a particular pair, I would suggest the Loop Switch, since they let you adjust the sound reduction levels on the fly - but any brand / even the foam tip ones (as long as they fit you properly!) can help immeasurably. For me, just knowing I have earplugs with me helps dealing with these sounds, even if I don’t wind up using them, just knowing the option is there. Some form of stress ball or those grip / forearm strengtheners might also be of use for you? It can be a good distraction, as well as allowing yourself to let off some of the steam in a relatively healthy and inconspicuous manner.
And kudos for knowing this is a problem for you, and looking for help on how to improve it. I hope you’re able to make progress you want, one way or another. Good luck, OP - we’re rooting for you
embrace it
I was a little like that until I had a kid myself. Much less than you perhaps, but I didn’t have fun with kids, I never knew what to do, what to tell them, and I would be very unforgiving with kids who are cheating or lying for fun.
I always thought that when you have one, yours is different.
When i meet my soulmate, I knew she would be an awesome mother and it helped me retain some faith. We ended up having a boy who is now 4 and a half.
I must admit, I didn’t know I had this much patience in me. Still not knowing what the hell I’m doing but I lowered the bar as much as I could : he’s happy, and he’s fed.
Now it’s not always easy, and he tests my limits daily by pushing all the proper buttons. Sometimes I ask my girlfriend for an… Emergency relief.
But now I kinda understand how to enter children’s world. Doesn’t work with all of them, and sometimes I must adapt. I still have a hard time tolerating crying over nothing serious, but I found ways to go around that and give hugs.
I try to remind myself of old memories when I did some very similar things with I was a kid, sometimes I’m not very proud…
All in all, I’m not telling to have kids, but just to say it can change. I just happened to have taken the “hard way”, and I didn’t regret any of it.
Welcome to Lemmy. Welcome to autism.
By undergoing behavioral therapy.
perhaps try having a child. I’ve known angry young men tun a leaf once theyve had a baby and have chilled the fuck out
Congratulations! This might be the worst advice ever posted to on the internet!
Bro really just suggested having a child as a solution to a mental health problem.
It’s a bold strategy, Cotton.
Oh, op has a mental health problem? How do you know? Wouldn’t wanna judge or nothing
Considering the original poster’s intense, uncontrollable emotional reactions and the significant impact on daily life, it’s a logical inference, not a judgment, to suspect a mental health concern. This isn’t about making assumptions; it’s about recognizing patterns that often align with mental health issues. Suggesting someone have a child to potentially ‘fix’ these issues isn’t just irresponsible; it overlooks the serious nature of what’s been shared. It’s important to read carefully and respond thoughtfully in such discussions. Clearly an issue for you here.
Or you will have discovered that you still hate children. Then you will be stuck with children and they will be stuck with you.
There has never been a problem to which “try having a child” was a good solution.
Except, like, “my life is complete but I just really want a child to raise with love.”
bruh.
Therapy. It’s clear this is causing you problems in your life. And that’s exactly what therapy is for.
I know the kids don’t know any better and it’s our job as adults to get them through childhood, but my blood boils when they get loud or demand attention.
It sounds like you still expect them to know better, to be better than the sociopathic children they are.
You can be angry at something because they are simply being annoying not just because expectations are not being met.
A baby crying is triggering to humans for example, this evolved on purpose to increase infant survivability. You don’t have to have expectations of quietness when a baby is crying loudly to feel irritated.
I could see the same applying to loud/rude children
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the moment I stopped being a child
There was probably a moment when you decided to dislike the “child part” of yourself.
Normal people start being a grown-up, but do not totally turn away from that “child part”. It is still there. It is always there. It is a normal part of a normal life.
Try to make amends with that part of yourself, and allow it to resurrect in you.
The more of these comments I read the more I’m starting to realize it’s because I wasn’t allowed to be that loud kid.
The moment I started getting loud whether happy or sad I just got punished.
Resentment through jealousy I suppose. Looks like I have some things to think about
I was also expected to be very quiet and perfectly behaved, and have also struggled with resentment toward rowdy children as a result. Even now, at 39 years old, I sometimes want to retaliate with an Aztec death whistle.
Therapy can be really helpful in learning to deal with that resentment. If possible and reasonable, so can talking about it with your parent(s).
Several years ago I said to my mother, “I’m feeling angry right now because I’m thinking about that loud kid we saw in the store today and remembering how I had to repress myself as a child.” Then we had a really productive conversation about the pressure to defy stereotypes about poor parents, being a parent with unrecognized and unsupported neurodivergence, and sensory issues.
I hope you’re able to dissolve a significant amount of your resentment, too. In the meantime, there’s a kind of reusable earplug that reduces noise just a little bit so you can still have a conversation (can’t remember the brand name though).
My husband had that kind of childhood too, and loud kids really trigger him, just like you’ve described in your post.
That’s a great insight for you to have! It’s easier to address a struggle if you can identify the root of it ❤️ Also many of us can empathize with being treated that way as children.
Is it just the loud sounds of children that irk you, or do other things they do bother you as well regardless of the noise they make? And if it’s just the noise, do other loud noises not associated with children bother you as well?
Sensitivity to loud noises could be something like sensory processing disorder, hyperacusis, or even a form of autism. I have had to move multiple times because of loud neighbours doing things that would certainly annoy other people too, but they could put up with it whereas I became absolutely consumed by the noise and even resorted to self harm to deal with it before giving up and leaving.
I don’t have a solution for the above. It’s just what I know from personal experience, but maybe it can help you figure out a cause and panacea for your issues with noisy kids.
Sensory processing disorder associated with autism is exactly what came to my mind because it’s exactly what I deal with. I usually shut down instead of melting down, but kids playing at anything past a barely-audible level is extremely difficult for me. Other attention-grabbing noises are also difficult, like dogs barking, car doors closing, people yelling, etc., and other stimuli cause me to shut down too, like dogs jumping/breathing on me (basically everything about dogs, unfortunately) or someone touching the back of my head/neck.
It took a lot of research into how my sensory processing reacts to different things, and I still struggle frequently, but I’m a father now and most days I’m very happy about it. I have noise canceling headphones for when I get overwhelmed, and I keep a clicky mechanical keyboard switch and barrette in my pocket to fiddle with, which helps a lot.
OP, I can obviously only speak from my own experiences, but I think dissecting what exactly causes these sudden emotional bursts and finding sensory distraction or blocking techniques to dampen them might work for you too. Headphones are a godsend.
Edit: Definitely seek a professional opinion (if possible for you) and look into misophonia, especially if specific sounds are your only issue. I just wanted to provide my perspective because for me the exact same issue the original post describes was part of a broader thing that needed addressing.
You might be a witch 🧙
does he weigh as much as a duck?
How loud is loud? Is it only loud children or children of any volume? How do you feel about loud adults?
I don’t know how much patience you have for long term efforts. I have done this for other issues. Meditate on it. Spend initially 5 minutes a day and then lengthen and increase frequency to something like 10-20 minutes 2-3x a day. Figure out what works for you.
Recreate the situations and scenarios where you get triggered. And be in the situation. Stew in it. Notice more and more how you react. What is happening before your reaction? What is happening in the space between each reaction. You most likely will not find out the solution while in meditation. But the meditation will ingrain the ability to slow your processes down. So when you’re back in the situation you will start noticing the issues that are making you lose it.
Once armed with that knowledge you’ll either find new coping mechanisms or you’ll have better information for a mental health professional to help you see those new coping mechanisms.
Rinse and repeat.
