I was in a long distance relationship that didn’t work out… this is going back about 9 years so I have a long perspective of it now.

Long story short I was in a short but emotionally intense fling with a girl who lived across the country. We had originally met in real life on a friends trip together (as we had mutual friends) and did a couple trips back and forth to see each other in person, spending every other night apart on the phone / video chat. She broke up with me after becoming interested in a guy back home, from what I heard from mutual friends.

It really hurt, I was crushed and didn’t know what to do with my time anymore. We had developed this routine that was now torn away from me and I just wanted to drown my sorrows. I ended up just going out to bars and clubs most nights to keep myself entertained. About a month later I joined the online dating pool and went on a few dozen dates trying to recapture the connection.

I found something far better though, with someone I learned I related too far more personally and hobby wise, she became my wife and we have a beautiful toddler at home i’m struggling to get to take naps by himself.

Everything about the other girl is a distant memory, I forget her names most times it pops into my head - and that’s going back years now. I still remember some lessons I learned from that relationship though.

That’s all to say, life moves on and that’s not just a sappy saying. You honestly will recover and be a better person for it.

Do you want some good news? You probably dodged a bullet. Based on what you’re saying, he wouldn’t be a good person for a long-term relationship, even if you two lived near each other.

Have any of you gone through something similar? If so, how did you cope with it?

Kind of. She broke up once she decided to go back with her parents (NB: she was around 24yo, I was 20), and we two had no pretension to keep a distance relationship.

In your situation I’d probably recommend focusing on the things that you need to finish this week. And when they’re over, find something else to keep yourself busy. Time heals.

In the past, I just kept myself busy. I threw myself into work and my hobbies. If I got hit with a sudden wave of depression, I’d just take a deep breath, accept that it hurts, and try to refocus on whatever I was doing. Rinse and repeat until it eventually just stopped mattering to me.

I also told myself that if I’m having to convince someone to stay with me, we probably aren’t as compatible as I’d imagined we were. And if I need a second person in my life to feel fulfilled, all that means is that I’m not living a fulfilling life for myself in the first place. That’s worth changing before even considering finding a partner. Finally, even if I convinced that person to return to me, I honestly wouldn’t feel the same way about them anymore, so what’s the point? There was probably someone better for me out there anyway (spoiler: there was).

Start doing stuff for yourself that you can be proud of and brag about. Start accomplishing something you know you would never have if that other person stayed in your life. Give yourself a reason to love yourself before even considering bringing another person into the picture, because it’s not fair to them or yourself if you need to depend upon them just to be happy.

What you do?

You start getting into Linux, buy open source t shirts, grow a beard, listen to Stallman talks, and stop interacting with normies ever again. Only communicate through text travelling over open source technologies.

Make sure you spend enough hours in front of a keyboard to get a very pale skin color, reddish eyes and a rounded spine and neck. Pull down curtains so you see your screen better and avoid sunlight.

Drink lots of soda while sitting completely still so you gain fat and lose muscles.

I use Arch btw.

Time and keeping busy are the only things that help. You’re going to obsess over this regardless, but it will get better with time. Just try to keep your mind occupied.

I have, though it ended up with that person disappearing and trying to commit suicide. It took me a long time to get over the associated trauma.

The way I see it now is that love isn’t something that will bind people to you and keep them with you forever. If you love someone, let them go, let them be free. If they still choose to be with you, then they love you too. If not, you couldn’t have held on to that person without causing resentment and pain to both of you.

I hope some of this helps :)

Time heals all wounds. Make sure you don’t keep reopening them.

This last time, I couldn’t.

I’ve given up trying.

Many people find serious long-term commitments scary. A short-term commitment might be serious too, but because you expect it will end sooner, it might be easier for someone to get into. As a result of this phenomenon, expect that international relationships are going to end, enjoy them until they do, and if you’re one of the lucky (?) few who break the trend, kudos to you.

Eve: Time changes everything.
Dr. Gregory House: That’s what people say, it’s not true. Doing things changes things. Not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.
-House

Make new memories people. If you’re a friend of someone in this position make sure to get them out and do things.

That’s why falling in love is a very slippery road — in the emotional sense. If you fall, you will finally hit something, that’s how it works in nature.

Loving someone or building a solid relation based on love with someone is so much harder and not so automatic as falling, it requires committing and communicating — learning a difference is a key to not fall but to be more aware of the process and ones deeper emotions, especially someone else’s.

My guess is that’s why it is easier for so many people to love animals because they don’t fall in love with them, they just feel the love and act accordingly.

— Obviously, all this is a giant oversimplification because this is just a simple comment on the internet, not reality.

Hobbies, exercise, friends, family, and just putting yourself out there when you’re ready. Also, time.

It’s simple. I’ve just abandoned any prospect of having significant other. I don’t pursue anyone now

• I got so attached is because I very rarely meet guys I’m genuinely interested in

Yup, it seems like u were a lot more invested in the relationship than him

• Was there anything that made it easier to accept, or do I just need to let time do its thing?

That depends entirely on how u want to cope with it, some people (my self included) do some work out to sweat those feelings, some others go on a journey to experience any debauchery known to mankind, some other just drink some tea/coffee and call it a day.

Just do something that already makes u happy or try something new that u think is gonna make u feel better.

I’m sorry to hear about your heartbreak. been there, it sucks. what I find helpful is a little bit of pampering (live show, bubble bath, etc). a change of scenery or visiting friends can help as well. I know it may should silly, but if you need to talk about it, chatGPT is an option that can be easier to be open with. I’d offer to listen, but that would sound creepy from a random stranger on the Internet. 😜