If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company
If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.
Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but… That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
Im scared to look 😫Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
It’s text.
“If you were just more positive you’d not be complaining about being depressed all the time”.
And/or
“Have you tried just being happy for once?”
Aka fake it til you make it
Putting in my unasked for opinion that we should popularize ‘flail it til you nail it’
I don’t know, this one has pretty much carried me through the last 40 years. There’s definitely worse advice.
Yea same here but in a different way than what people usually mean. Don’t fake being rich until you are. I was and to a certain extent still am socially anxious and bad at talking to people and holding conversations. I started faking being more socially adept than I actually was by copying people I knew who were extroverts and by observing peoples interactions in the wild. Eventually I did get better with both and have no issue with either, although I do need some time to recharge later on after social interactions.
if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
Fax
“Count your blessings.”
Useless fucking platitude that’s synonymous with “You aren’t the person who is absolutely the worst off, so being upset with your lot is inappropriate.”
See also “At least you have your health.”
“Snitches get stitches.”
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
With stitches…
Or end up in ditches.
In ur Abercrombie &Fitchez
“Your ____ hurts? Stub your toe then you won’t notice it as much.”
This has the same cadence as my appleseeds one 🙃
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I’m not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I’m 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I’m nearing 50. I likely won’t have enough to retire. Maybe when I’m 80.)
Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.
The Toronto horse cops carried around trading cards for their horses as a part of a PR campaign. Ask a cop for one!
Just another way for you to be disappointed by the police. Can’t even do PR right.
If you cut the ground prong off and flip the plug upside down, it runs backwards.
Skillz that killz ☠️
I think a lot of people here misread ‘favorite’ as ‘least favorite’
“Be careful!” Oh thanks for the reminder because I wasn’t planning on being careful 👍
I honestly don’t think little kids understand what people mean when they say “be careful”. When my kids were younger, I’d say something like “be careful the sidewalk is icy!” and they’d just run full speed and slip on the ice.
I think kids just think “be careful” is just something nice you say like “good luck”.
Yours was definitely informative and I think partly because of your intentions but also because of the statement after about the danger that was there that they may not have been aware of.
The ones I’m referring to are the typical greetings where it’s just “be careful” or “drive safe”.
I know the intention is meant well but always still struck me as an odd way to greet someone.
Hard work always pays off.
smart work always pays off
;) ftfy
Being born wealthy always pays off.
I knew there was something I forgot to do
Not always. Sometimes you just end up as a waste of oxygen in jail.
“Calm down.”
And the silly stepsister of this saying: Calm your tits!
Very useful when you want the opposite reaction.
One thing that’s sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to “calm down”…
- 4/7/8 breathing is better advice :)
- also Physiological sigh
It’s that like “in, hold, out”?
You gotter, ~~crocodile!
ottermuskrat
SIR?!
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
Puttin’ it on ice, bitches
Take a salt tablet.
