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Don’t worry about things you can’t control.

Focus on the things you can control.

Confidence is sexy. Having your life in order is sexy. Having your own life agenda, life activities, life goals is sexy. Physical fitness is good for you. Having a active and full social calendar is good for you. Having hobbies that are interesting is good for you. All of this combined together will give you confidence, and that is sexy!

Don’t maximize your life for other people, do it for yourself, and other people will naturally be intrigued by it.

These are all bad ideas. The more you change yourself to “please” everyone else, the less happy you will ever be. One of the hardest lessons of life is to learn that, you can’t ever please everyone, and when you change to please someone, they’ll soon change what they want and you’ll never stop having to change to please them.

The real secret to happiness is not to change yourself at all. It’s to learn how to like who you are, the way you are. Yes the world is cruel and cold - and it’s awlays going to be that way. You aren’t the problem here. You are fine just the way you are, and it’s a secret that could save many lives and keep many people from self-harm if they only realized it at a younger age.

The truth is, nobody wants someone around them who is trying to please them all the time. They want to be around someone who is self-confident and radiates a healthy well-adjusted persona that says “this is who I am, love it or leave it.”

Becoming rich to attract people may work to attract people, but they’ll only be attracted by the money, not by you. As soon as that runs out, so will they. And usually they will run out anyway, even if the money doesn’t.

You need to get some help with your attitude about yourself, and start deciding that you’re OK as you are. Do not do the surgery option - it’s wrong. Women who get surgery to “look more like so and so” are never happy. Surgery isn’t the answer to your problems in life, at all.

if you take the time to really get to know someone and make them feel understood and comfortable around you and trust you, you’d be amazed at what you can pull off.

be handy, be emotionally available, be good company, be funny, be functional and fun.

theres countless dime pieces that are tired of being abused by gorgeous losers.

You might think you’re ugly, but I guarantee there are plenty of people out there that find you wildly attractive.

The first thing to do is believe that and start working toward finding yourself attractive. I’ve been working on this for the past few years and just yesterday had my first moment where I looked at my naked body in the mirror and was like ‘oh…. That’s nice’. Having that confidence is a game changer.

Also, short kings are a whole demographic of highly sought after people. Being short is not a detriment except to toxic masculine men.

There really isn’t such a thing as ugly in an objective sense. Certainly some people have looks that will appeal to more people, but there are a lot of people out there who have unusual taste in terms of what they find attractive. There are girls out there who are into skinny guys, fat guys, short guys, hairy guys, guys with weird facial features, etc.

Some women don’t care that much about looks and are more interested in personality traits anyway. The looks just need to pass a minimum threshold for them and then they’ll care more about what you’re like as a person.

You’re not ugly, you’re just a niche. I’m saying this as someone who is thus far in the same situation you’re in (28M, haven’t ever kissed or anything with a woman), but I recently started dating someone, and it’s always a shock to me when she honestly tells me she thinks I’m cute.

I hear money works.

How fulfilled is your life without a romantic partner? Do you know what you want?

The worst partners I had were the ones that had nothing going on. No goals, no hobbies, nothing. They expected me to be their world.

The better relationships I had were with people that knew what they wanted from life. They didn’t need me to complete them, but I was definitely a welcome addition.

I do not believe I am conventionally attractive, but there are people that like me. For every fella that only dates skinny blondes, there’s another that wouldn’t give them a second look. Additionally, if someone really likes you for you, you might just get more physically attractive to them even if you’re not their type. (It has happened to me!)

As for money, yes some people will only look at you if you have a lot of money. At least they filter themselves out if you don’t have it. You don’t have to be perfect with money, but as long as you are reasonable enough with money, you should be fine.

Some low self-esteem is workable, but if you are always ragging on yourself it gets grating. I was with this guy and he kept telling me how ugly he was. I would always reassure him. It was exhausting after a while. I think everyone needs validation every now and again, but constantly?! Ahhh!

If you get this stuff down, at least then you will have better chances with women. (Or whatever gender you prefer.) If your only goal is to get a girlfriend, then that is not so great. If it’s only one of your goals or something you’re passively open to, then you are in a much better position. Relationship opportunities, romantic or not, seem to crop up when you’re doing something else you enjoy.

There’s a lot of preferences out there. Most try to chase unicorns but each of them have their own phases.

I think you can compensate it by not giving up, or just know when your time to chase unicorns is over.

First of all, it’s very common for a woman to say they like tall guys. Just like most guys would say they like girls with big breasts. But at the end of the day no one can get their ideal person. It’s either looks or personality. Everyone has to compromise.

But if your crush is obsessed with height then she’s a dispecable human being who doesn’t deserve anyone’s attention or love. If it’s any consolation there are a lot of tall fuck boys that will use and dump those kind of height obsessed women. And those guys will only pick the best of the best for romantic partners. All other women will be devoid of happiness and forever keep on searching. So scratch all women like that off your list!!

Now, you mentioned money to get attention of women. Although that would work to some extent, most of the attention you’d get would be from gold diggers. They are experts of manipulation and gaslighting, they would take all your money and will leave you in a worse mental situation than before. And no, it’s not that easy to spot a golddigger. Again, they are experts in their craft.

But there are some things you can do:

• As others mentioned, grooming and looking your best. I won’t go into depth here.
• Being funny. Women really are more inclined to like a guy that makes them laugh. The trick is to find the right amount of funny. You shouldn’t be a clown. Smart and a bit of sarcastic goes a long way. If you can also be able to make fun of yourself (a healthy amount) that will also show confidence. And confidence is always a winning feat.
• Success / Passion. One of the reasons (besides golddiggers) that women like men with money is that it’s a form of being successful. Be passionate about something and try to be good at it. Creative endeavors like art and music will attract a lot of attention. Make you more interesting. Yes, that won’t help out with all women but quite a sizeable amount of women. Also keep in mind that to some level everyone likes to show off their partners. A tall but boring accountant wouldn’t be as good as a partner than a short king who creates art, puts up exhibitions, being passionate about his subject, fun to talk to.

Women have much more words-orientation than we guys do.

Invest in:

• Wonderworks
• The Anatomy of Genres
• The Anatomy of Story
• a couple of Gottman’s books
• Logan, King, & Fischer-Wright’s “Tribal Leadership”
• Halvorson’s “The 8 Motivational Challenges”

& understand both how to woo women much more competently, as well as how to make your woman live a healthier life ( the “Tribal Leadership” book & Gottman’s stuff ), & know how to recognize different unconscious-mind styles from Halvorson’s book, so you aren’t investing in a lost-cause.

• Kegan & Lahey’s “Immunity to Change” is required if you’re in it for the long-haul ( in your own life, or in a marriage/family, both paths need this leverage, in our world ), and want to competently dismantle your unconscious-mind’s obstruct-growing-up-to-protect-status-quo mechanism…

Life’s worth much!

A little study can go a long way, if one knows what one ought be studying, you know?

People judge others by appearance … when we have nothing-else to go-on.

When one has significant evidence of someone’s worth, and that evidence isn’t their appearance, their appearance becomes rather irrelevant…

Some people are entirely-visual, some are entirely non-visual ( like me ) in thinking.

Unless you’re clawing-your-way-out-from-reincarnation ( like me ), there likely are good-matches for you.

The significant-evidence item, though, identifies that you need to be hanging-around among women, for them to get to know you, like volunteering somewhere, or something…

Do well, eh?

_ /\ _

People are saying being funny and having confidence, and they’re right, and I’m going to tell your why. When being around you makes someone feel good, they will want to be around you more. That’s not exclusive to romantic relationships, it’s true also of friendships and business relationships, too.

An acquaintance asked me out not long ago, I declined. His looks had nothing to do with it, it was his negative personality. The few times I’d talked with him, all he ever did was complain about stuff. Complaints (without solutions) are inherently negative. I don’t need negative energy in my life. A romantic partner has to make life better.

If your expectation is for someone to come and make you happy, then you are a happiness-sink. You drain joy from other people instead of mutually building up each other. No one wants a joy-drain, and I’ll be honest with you, your attitude is one of a drain.

So, the question is, how do you make a someone’s life better? Do you being laughter to her? Do you make her feel safe? Do you give her confidence in herself? Do you bring interest to her life? Do you make her feel heard and seen? And to be clear, someone should do all those things for you mutually, too. Two people should be building each other up.

The last guy I wanted to ask out (but he abruptly lost his job and had to move to another city, so I never did) he was in his late 20s and already balding quit a bit, lanky, and has terrible posture. Physically, he not very attractive. But not only was he very funny (a good start), he was also doing his masters (intelligent and hard working), played musical instruments (passion and interest), and spent a lot of time volunteering (kind and caring). Everything about his personality drew new to him. (And honestly, next to that, what positive would I have brought to him?)

@[email protected] By being funny and interesting, ugly and boring → you are fucked.

Additionally, growing a beard might help you

The point of dating is having it as an option for people who like dating.

The point of love is having someone who will care for you relatively as much as you care for them.
That person doesn’t have to be the opposite sex.