Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
It doesn’t seem like you’re a sociopath, it seems like you have ASD. That kind of analytical, no nonsense approach to socialization is typical of high functioning ASD.
It might be worth looking into, of for no other reason than to better understand yourself
No, because I knowingly manipulate the people around me. I’m firmly against violence, including emotional and verbal violence, so I make the effort to manipulate people with misdirection and incentives rather than threats or punishment.
Every manipulates others all the time, whether they know it or not, whether they admit it or not. The important thing is to do it ethically, and how can you do that if you’re not aware of the effects you have on others?
It’s good that you are engaging in self-examination in this way. I might suggest that there’s a difference between being honest and being blunt. Just because you refuse to lie does not mean you always need to tell the truth, rather that you only tell the truth. You’re allowed to keep silent, to leave a true-but-painful confrontation unspoken.
The important thing is to do it ethically
No, the important thing is not doing it for nefarious or merely self-serving purposes.
I think most people would agree those are ethical concerns.
But not the only ones. There are almost infinite ethical considerations beyond being self-serving or nefarious.
Well, sure. Not sure if you’re disagreeing or clarifying, honestly.
Your comment is too broad. I’m tightening my position back.
Oh I definitely omit information. It’s just that I don’t say things I don’t believe/mean.
No of course not. If I’m a psychobath I wouldn’t worry about it.
No. I crit fail on every charisma check. Besides I have dealt with people who have conditions in the dark triad and nothing I do is like that.
Just remember not giving a shit isn’t a superpower. For every millionaire that is a sociopath you see there are hundreds of ones you don’t see divorced and poor. It is observation bias and no one cares about the boring ones.
The undiplomatic straightforwardness you describe makes me think your empathy might be severely limited, which is sometimes looked at as a defining aspect of psychopathy. Have you heard about this guy? It’s a great story.
Troll.
I choose to handle this by not interacting with people.
If that’s the case I’m a lousy one.
Personality disorder characterized by persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits Wikipedia
Seems you’re not since in this post you show empathy, remorse, and examining your flaws is anti-egotistical. Though you may think of not conforming to social norms as antisocial behavior, many people do this and put on a “public” facade.
Though, being “honest to a fault” is a little antisocial depending on how far you take that. Is it just “I never give a lie to a direct question.” Or: Do you always correct people who you know told a lie? Do you interject in stories where a lie has been told? Do you tell people unsolicited truths that are hurtful? Some would consider the latter list of behaviors to be antisocial.
It’s good to self-evaluate. I know I have some manipulative habits, I definitely lie too easily, sometimes without remorse, but I don’t fit a majority of the markers: I feel immense remorse at certain things, I’m not arrogant, I’m genuinely helpful, not just manipulatively so, etc. I would consider talking more in dept with your friends that want to cut ties or express frustration and hear out their concerns. We all have areas for self improvement, so don’t just yourself too harshly. Maybe as another commenter suggested, go to therapy and see what you can uncover.
Well, if I am, I’m really bad at it.
I can’t convince a mouse to eat cheese.
Offer peanut butter, they like that better.
Psychopathy is a popular catch-all term. “Low-empathy” is better, but I think you’re just a critical person and most people don’t like criticism or self-reflection.
Maybe look into being tested for ASD. This isn’t uncommon amongst us.
The fact you are even asking this makes me think you’re not a psychopath or sociopath.
A (psycho/socio)path would probably not be introspective at that accusation. They would probably just dismiss it or be angry that someone could even think that about them.
I am not a therapist or licensed to diagnose someone and no professional would/could ever diagnose someone without meeting them and interacting.
I would strongly suggest seeking out a therapist. I am a huge proponent of therapy for everyone - everyone needs an impartial party to talk to about things, even when things are going well.
Exactly… a psychopath is not worried about being a psychopath.
Maybe you’re undiagnosed autistic. Im serious.
One of us
One of us
Yeah maybe. It’s the same as with ADHD; many of the sympoms fit me but most don’t.
New to lemmy I see. Welcome.
I feel like it might be better to think about whether your specific words and actions are manipulative than whether you’re a psychopath or what your identity is in general. Is that person justified in feeling gaslit? Are you in fact manipulating people or not? That’s a question that can be looked at more objectively.
