I hope everyone had a great week! Hang out. Chat. Talk about what’s going on. Have fun :3
I wanted to go to the monthly meeting for the local trans group last night but I chickened out at the last minute. Why am I liked this?
In other news, I got a really cute shirt that has a cartoon corgi that looks like mine and it says “world’s okayest corgi mom”.
anxiety is normal. there’s always next time
been having an interesting experience where my bisexuality helps clarify gender stuff, and understanding my gender helps being bi finally click for me, in a reciprocal way. For example ill watch something and seeing a cool confident fem character alongside a cool confident masc character will cause clear gender envy for the former and a now-comfortable attraction to the later, such that everything finally makes sense.
most recently happened while watching this video lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qve_9Ut05qk
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
The time has come.
on my 3rd injected dose of estradiol after switching from pills! I’m not sure if there’s a noticeable difference yet, but I do feel that I’m more-or-less past the weird phase where the estradiol levels from the injections hadn’t stacked enough to match the estradiol levels I had been getting from pills. and my 4th injection will be this Thursday!
on a related note, has anyone tried an autoinjector for E or T injections? I’m specifically considering this one from Union-Medico, as I’ve seen it recommended by trans people on reddit. I’ve noticed the hardest part of doing my own injections is getting past the fear of the initial jab, and this lil’ device handily overcomes that by making it a simple button press – but for a whole $125, after conversion from EUR to USD, which is a bit steep.
and related to that, for my fellow transfems doing subcutaneous injections, do y’all jab at a 45º or 90º angle? and, if so, with what length of needle? I have 5/8" needles, and I’m wondering if those may be too long to go straight in at 90º…
i do IM but i jab straight in to the hip at 90° with inch and a half long needles, so i think you should be fine if your concern is going too deep
I use the same needle and I jab at an angle that’s closer to 90º now, but not quite straight. When I started out I did closer to 45º, but I got a lot less itching and irritation when I switched to an angle that wouldn’t put the medication that close to the skin.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m actually giving myself an IM when I do thighs, because I have skinny legs (
), but it won’t really matter if you do, and recommended IM for skinny peole is still a 1 inch needle at a 90 degree angle iirc.oh, you inject subQ into your thighs? is that fairly straightforward?
the nurse that trained me on self-injections said that lower abdomen was a better place to inject, but honestly I’m not liking injecting there (it’s itchy for a bit after injecting, and oddly sore for a couple days), so I’ve been debating switching to thigh or ass (literally just for the meme of being able to say I’m injecting HRT straight into my ass).
Yeah, I rotate between both sides of abdomen and thighs so I don’t use the same area too often, but for me thighs are more comfortable. It’s pretty straightforward, the area of the thigh that you can use for subQ is really large and hard to miss, but be sure to search it up beforehand if you’re considering it of course.
the area of the thigh that you can use for subQ is really large and hard to miss, but be sure to search it up beforehand if you’re considering it of course.
oh wow, I was under the impression it was a fairly small area, but just looked it up and there’s about as much thigh to aim at as there is belly. thank you, this is really helpful!
I went to a small robotics tournament this weekend and was worried that making my robots pink, white, and blue with trans flags painted on them might have been a bad idea at such a STEMmy event, but I actually met a couple other really cool trans gals there and my bots got a lot of compliments! The whole community was actually super wholesome in general and there were a lot more women and families than I expected.
It’s also starting to get warmer here which is a real double edged sword. Winter means I get to bundle up and hide my dysphoria in oversized hoodies and overalls, but if I feel like dressing up cute I don’t have many options. Otoh when it’s warm I get to be adorable every day, but if my BDD decides to ruin my day I have nowhere to hide my grotesque body.
Being trans is weird.
I love hoodie weather soooo much why can’t it be hoodie weather all the time 😤
idk what kind of robotics you were doing but IME the whole field(? hobby? idk) has gotten very trans lately and I’ve been loving it
I have the same (sorta) reaction every spring. It takes me a while to acclimate to showing skin, even showing my knees feels awkward after a nice long tundra winter. But every year I figure it out because it beats cowering in the AC 24/7 or overheating in jeans and long sleeves
I apologize for being cringe on this forum before. I strive to be a better poster in the future.
Messed up my T injection so I had to use my back-up ampule. R.I.P.
Also first time going to a psych today. It went a lot better than I expected, probably going towards a legal ID change but I got prescribed Lexapro on first sitting and I am not sure whether I should take it.
Good news: got my hair cut in a way I generally like
Bad news: sometimes makes me look like Lord Farquaad
Worse news: the job I interviewed for (which precipitated the haircut in the first place) rejected me, although it remains unclear how much of that was due to my Farquaadity
I’ve decided to tell my mom I’m trans, probably this week or the next. I know she’ll be supportive, but I’ve been worried (probably irrationally) that she might feel sad or hurt. Which is kind of a dumb reason, because I know if it was up to her she’d want to know anyway. but I’m still nervous about it.
I think she might have figured it out anyway. I live pretty far away from my family, but I’ve seen them a couple times the last two months, and even though I was boymoding I know I still appear pretty different than I did before, and some of the things she said to me on the phone lately made me think she suspects something’s up.
I was laying in bed last night and came to the sudden and somewhat panicked realization that the disparity in my mental and emotional moods between when i’m at work where I’ll never be able to come out and when i’m at home or with friends who i’m out to is so large that I’m eventually going to burn out, and it may be sooner than I think.
I need to leave this place asap but I have so many things I need to get in order before I can even think about applying to new jobs. I really wish I didn’t let myself become dependent on this fucking place but unless I can find a new job that will pay me enough to afford rent I’m stuck here.
A friend did mention working at the casino he works at. From other friends that have worked there before it seems to not be the best, but it has potential to pay 1.5k+ a week working in the cages.
Maybe if I time things out correctly I can apply to the new place while being visibly trans and make my own life easier.
OH OH OH I told myself I’d buy paperback versions of Nevada and Whipping Girl after I started coming out and I finally picked them up on saturday. Unfortunately I only found out about this cool little anarchist-coded bookstore in my city AFTER I bought these books at B&N.
I still want to check them out tho in hopes that they have some feminist books available.
I’ve been interested in finding and reading Who’s Afraid of Gender as well as Gender Trouble among a few others.
Is there any that some of y’all transfemmes can recommend?
Gender Outlaw by Kate Bornstein! Also if you like Nevada, Detransition Baby by Torrey Peters would be worth trying
among some other thingsAlso read the Gender Accelerationist Manifesto if you haven’t!
Thank you for the recs, will do!
This is everyone’s daily reminder starting now to read Unjust Depths. Thus far it’s literally so good that I regret fucking around with other books and whatever before it. I was wasting time I could have spent reading Unjust Depths
i’m literally always saying this
More and more people are saying this!! :)
trying to spread the good word. i’ve been about as aggressive about this as i am about utena, though my success rate is lower for some reason (the reason is that one is a reasonable length tv show and the other is a 1.5 million word web novel)
never seen utena but you and u/ashinadash got me started on Unjust Depths the other day (I didn’t realize how long it was but got curious while procrastinating) and I’m now scared for how long its going to take me to finish lmao because I’m in deep. I was up half the night reading it last night, and maybe 1/3 of my workday today
this is gonna be like whenever I get into a new webcomic but way longer isn’t it?
you might be there a while, yeah, took me a few weeks reading it pretty regularly. how far in are you?
Arc 1 Intermissions [I.4]
apparently
it’s really good I didn’t realize how much I needed this
it’s not very subtle but that’s kinda my exact shit for some reason
yeah it’s so nice to be able to read a scifi story of this kind and completely root for the heroes without reservations or going “well they’re fighting people who are worse in this case but they do basically represent america,” not even getting into how nice it is to have all these trans lesbians
it’s INCREDIBLY refreshing, and not at all subtle.
I think you might be underselling it slightly by not mentioning that the setting has catgirls
I laughed out loud when the narration was like " CAT-LIKE EARS TWITCHED", more people need to read 1.5 million word web novel.I was spooked by the length at first but now it’s like, okay so exclusively sapphic ensemble cast featuring catgirls and trans mech pilots, and it doesn’t end??? I’m gonna pay for this because I want it forever ❤
i didn’t know it had catgirls when i first read it, and it reads as totally normal to me now. like, of course it has catgirls! and yeah, i get a massive new like, 10-20k word chapter every other week where i either get cute gay shit that always has at least one trans woman involved and often has more, kickass mech fights, or lengthy political diatribes that i eat up like candy. or if i’m lucky, all three
if i mentioned catgirls i’d mention a couple other things that you haven’t seen yet, which i’ll drop under a spoiler box just in case you’d prefer to be excited
not a real spoiler
doggirls! and elves! and various type of fishgirl! and they all have distinct cultures that are a delight to read more about
OF COURSE it has catgirls
why the fuck wouldn’t it?! This is such an easy sales pitch, everyone should be reading this. I convinced the goodreads commie lady to read it lol.I’ll sequester myself from the couple other things and come back even more hyped in all likelihood :) I really thought this was gonna be the all-Murati-all-the-time show, but I’m shocked at how much I love Yana. Everyone thinks she’s a pro cause she cleans up well, but actually she is trash
Also is this mega the best place to yammer about it? I have tons of little thoughts I could be spilling 24/7 so I wanna make sure I’m clogging the right thread or comm with em.
hell yeah, i keep trying to get more people to read it but somehow this pitch isn’t working literally everyone i talk to? but i’ve now gotten at least 3 or 4 people to read it through this site, maybe more who didn’t mention it or who i’ve forgotten
i post most of my thoughts in the general site mega, but when i’m talking about new updates i also post in the trans mega. everyone on this site should be reading it, but like. especially the trans posters
Just started Utena today after seeing you recommend it a few times, so I guess I gotta start Unjust Depths soon…
I’m on episode 29 of Utena now, and I’m downloading the Unjust Depths epub for when I have more energy to read next week.
yesss, hahaha, YESSSS
the last 10 episodes of utena are incredible, and i hope you enjoy unjust depths!
wish my hair was longer
probably going to take like 2 years minimum to get it where i want
damn
Horse shampoo. I am not even shitting you. It’ll take 6 months, will smell like oats tho. Get it on amazon
She could probably just start with biotin lol
It’ll take 6 months, will smell like oats tho.
so what’s the downside?
on a serious note, is there anywhere I can read about using horse shampoo for hair growth?
https://www.healthline.com/health/horse-shampoo#benefits
you could also take keratin supplements or use some product intended for humans and likely get a similar effect, though I’m sure the horse shampoo is fine.
anecdotally my friend did say keratin supplements made her skin break out a lot though so maybe the shampoo is a better move
I can’t find anything other than personal testimonials but my hair is at ass length after using it for a year. If I wasn’t going through a mental health crisis I would find some for you
Also the only downside I had was I smelled like oats
that’s literally not a downside???
Just got asked if “that transgender stuff” is my mom’s fault by her. For context I came out as an IV drug addict and trans at the same time. She was more upset at being trans than me slamming heroin. Thankfully it was ten years ago. Still hurts.
Damn that’s one way to soften the blow of being into heroin I guess
For context it’s been 8 years clean of heroin and ten years on hrt
8 years clean
made a whole 4 sandwiches and 5 little snack packs for me for work this week. this is gender affirming care :)
i know this reads like a shitpost but honestly it took me being nice to myself for the egg to crack after not doing it for over 2 decades. being nice to myself really is gender affirming care, dammit
That’s a big mood. I know how you feel.
:)
Just be sure to never stop. Self-care is probably the most important tool you can have.
Got really fucked up drunk for St. Patricks day yesterday (its a dumb ameribrain holiday but I like going out with my friends okay) and predictably don’t remember like half the night.
This morning my friend sent me a couple pics she took of me well after the point I can remember and I wanted to cry. I just look so happy, and weirdly it gave me like, significant gender euphoria? I present pretty masc, and haven’t made huge efforts to change that and last night was no different (though I think the fleece I was wearing might technically be a womens)… but something about the expressions I was making (and maybe a little bit the glitter shamrocks on my face) just hit different. Not even like I looked femme or androgynous really…, I think maybe its just that I looked genuinely happy?
I always get the feels after drinking too much (usually weirdly positive actually which is fucked lol) but seeing evidence that I was there, and having a good time with my friends, uninhibited of some of my more sober hangups, just really made me feel things. Makes me really want to pursue transitioning more seriously. That should be me all the time but instead I’m clammed up and feel like I have to act like a man :/
Cw sex
spoiler
Uhm I had sex with my ex again. She’s the only person who will have sex with me lol but its definitely not healthy. Today I didn’t feel as bad but I’m always left with this feeling of “Am I even trans?” afterwards. Like, frankly I enjoy fucking and I was pretty good at it as a guy at least. And so when I have sex I just kinda… do that. Idk what else to do tbh. It’s fun for sure but Like yeah… not very gender affirming. I find it’s much more gender affirming to have sex with guys foe that reason but… ugh men. Idk. I’ll take any advice
Sex
spoiler
I understand what you mean when you say fucking isn’t really gender affirming and that you are kind of accusing yourself of falling into old habits as opposed to working with a newer “feminine” thing. However, you might try to reflect on this and try to decouple the idea of “giving” and masculinity vs “taking” and femininity. You mention that you enjoy it and you’re good at it so… Keep enjoying it! You’ll just be a woman who’s likes to fuck and is good at it.
Now, if you feel your partners are pushing you into that role or you only do it because it’s familiar, then that’s a different story.
Try not to overthink it and just enjoy the things you enjoy. And keep experimenting to see if you like other things more.
CW: More sex talk
I have been and currently am in the exact same boat as you (minus the ex part). As a warning, my advice isn’t fun, but it is what worked for me, kinda.
Up until a few months into HRT, I used my penis to have sex with my partner. It wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but I certainly didn’t like it much. It solved the problem of I’m horny, she’s horny, do this and we’re not horny anymore. However, we had to take a break for a few months because surgery, but we did it eventually have sex again. This time, it sent me into a wild spiral of dysphoria that took me a while to recover from because of the exact question you posed yourself. “Am I even trans?” After recovering from that extreme spiral of dysphoria, I came to a solution. It was to simply take a secondary role in sex and not bother with my penis or my own pleasure. I simply pleasured her and when she finished, I was finished. That means I’ve simply not had any active role in sex for a long time now, but it also means that I’m not falling into deep depression because I used my dick.
This is not an easy mindset to get into and just straight up might not work for you. After all, I’m mostly a top with other women so it wasn’t any sort of issue. I also garner pleasure from the pleasure of others. So who knows. It might work for you. I genuinely hope you do find a solution though. Your situation is a very unfun one to be in.
I think it is made even more complicated since it’s with my ex, but yeah. I may consider this.
spoiler
The thing is… I kinda like using it? It just leaves me questioning and feeling weird. And there are so many women who top in a gay way. I just don’t know how to top in a gay way haha. The secondary Weird feelings are that I’m scared I’m falling back into a relationship with my ex. There are a few reasons why I really shouldn’t do that and the first being that I can’t be in a relationship rn at all. I need to be self focused. But the second is that I’m trying to figure out what I want in a relationship, and I kinda wanna try dating guys too because I’ve just never given that a shot. Idk I’m venting now 😅
CW sex
spoiler
I’m post op and I love fucking with a strap so it is possible to be the penetrator while still affirming one’s femininity
sex
Having sex using your dick is a gender neutral action tbh - it doesn’t make you any more or less fem (or trans). As difficult as it might be to separate it from masculinity now, it’s very much worth internalising and spending some time with that thought. Fwiw that was a really difficult thing for me to accept and took a while to feel good about
