Either through memes or comments I keep seeing this sentiment pop-up from time to time. And I’m wondering what your (yes, you) consensus is on it.
I for one am too pessimistic to do anything with potential hints. Like even if there is a good chance I still just don’t want to risk it.
If all you can do is hint, you don’t deserve to get laid. You have to put yourself out there if you truly want to make a connection.
I agree with what everyone has already said and…
Some people flirt to practice, or see if they can get a response, to measure their own self worth, to see “if they still got it”, as a measure of power, or something to do when bored.
The game ends when the target takes the next step, and then it’s no longer fun, and now ‘creepy’. You can see similar behavior on dating apps with people who swipe yes, but then reject people in conversation.
So now not only do people have to recognize the hint, they also have to figure out the intention of the hint giver… i.e. was this a serious hint?
I’ve been married for 10 years and have two kids. I’m still not sure if my wife likes me. I haven’t picked up any hints. I must’ve missed them all.
Maybe she’s from Canada and is just being polite.
It’s a legit possibility.
Dude, it’s been 10 years… she’s definitely interested. Probably.
Make up some bogus tiktok challenge with a list of questions she has to answer. Slip: “Do you like me?” In the middle of the list.
Make sure to video it with your phone so it looks legit for tiktok… but really, you can study her response to dylm? over and over for years to come looking for clues to if she really does like you.
It’s still a coin toss. She may just be nice.
Sucks to be someone who only communicates in hints, I guess.
I think the definition of a hint is communication that’s difficult to clearly receive.
As a gay man and outsider on this issue, it seems mildly sexist. It’s the kind of thing that fits in with the content at over at r/AreTheStraightsOk.
The assumption that women are giving hints all the time rather than just trying to get through their day seems wrong.
And the idea that men need to get better at figuring those hints out rather than leaving them alone also seems wrong.
But whenever I hear the issues which men and women who date each other face I am often baffled.
Well you exist in a community (that I’m not a part of but have been pretty thoroughly immersed in in the past) where in my experience supply and demand of sex or sexual favors is roughly 50/50. It vastly simplifies things when the number of people who would like a blowjob is pretty well matched by the number of people who want to give one.
“You want to suck some dick? Awesome! I have a dick and enjoy getting it sucked. If you’re still cute when I have some post nut clarity I might offer to buy you a drink to get the taste out of your mouth”
I think someone downvoted you because cum tastes awesome!
I think what you described is more of a side effect of the lack of a gender-based power differential and equal sexual culture between the two partners.
I don’t think that gay men are as hyper-sexual as the stereotype suggests, but we do have the option to be so without having the repercussions women would face.
Yes it is a wild oversimplification, but I worked and ran security for a few seperate gay bars/clubs over the years so I saw more of the “meat market” side of the community.
In general that’s also where we got the stereotype, our bars and bathhouses. These were the more visible parts of our community for a very long time, and they’re places gay men went to meet each other and hook up before apps were a thing.
It would be like judging all men by the men who go to strip clubs.
It’s not that it’s necessary wrong, in that there are lots of gay men, myself included, who fit that stereotype. But it inherently excludes people who don’t fit from being considered.
I think that’s similar to the statement OP is asking about, but I am not sure where the “women give hints and men miss them” trope comes from.
Oh I’m not silly, I knew gay people outside of that context and worked straight clubs too, I just noticed the differences in that context were the same as in regular day to day life only amplified.
I think most men are so infamously dense because they don’t want to misinterpret things. It’s a really thin line to walk and falling might ruin a friendship or make things very awkward. Very good manners/kindness and flirtatiousness are very difficult to distinguish.
Making the first move and reading things wrong can really hurt, especially if the other party wants it too. I had a female friend that was very friendly, who’d hug and hold hands with me at times. Friends told me to go for it. When I did she told all of her friends and I was collectively humiliated by the whole school. You could say I dodged a bullet, but it felt like I was by a car.
I’m over it now but I’m now very risk averse. Unless somebody are practically yelling at me to date them, I will only assume friendly intentions
Lol, men should have a mantra, “She’s a WAITRESS, she’s just being nice!” “She’s a BARTENDER, she’s just being fun!” “She’s at the grocery checkout, she’s just making small talk!”
“She’s just a person being nice to other people. You are just a person she is being nice to. Be nice and leave her alone!”
The Apple Vision Pro will fix this. You’ll get a ❤️ symbol above people’s heads when they are interested in you.
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Women resort to dropping hints when they’re too scared to risk rejection by being direct.
They also respond to rejection with accusations of sexual assault as if that’s just the perfect way to save face(as if saving face is necessary).
This is not an incel community
Irrelevant.
I don’t why my comment has appeared as a reply to this.
Some of us are just bad at picking up on hints, whether they come from women, men, or grizzly bears.
Women give hints? :p
I don’t think anyone picks up on subtle hints unless they’re constantly looking for them. And most people aren’t looking for them.
And constantly looking for them will drive you crazy.
Everything will looks like a hint if one actively looking for it.
It’s true, I basically had to learn to be super blunt to men.
“I think you’re cute, want to go on a date with me”
Because literally nothing else gets through :|
Could you help fellow lemmings by saying how even approximately pick hints, i mean, many men mistake goodwill and good chat for relationship hints, as for me, I’m like op, I’m way too pessimistic to trust hints
Picking up on hints is a thing that requires a lot of social context and emotional empathy/intelligence. Unfortunately I don’t think there’s any pro tips I can offer to help you better identify them except interact with girls more and have honest conversations where you’re not trying to get the girl to date you - it’s learning the hard way, but bridging that emotional understanding gap is the only good way to get a better understanding of girls as people (and get your heart rate down so talking to them isn’t a panic).
That said, if you can find the confidence, being a little blunt yourself can work as well. Girls can be dense too.
A lot of the reason girls are doing the subtle hint stuff is because they’re also not confident / unsure / scared of rejection / scared of coming off too strong. It’s a way of feeling out a situation without strong commitment. We kind of expect guys to do that back so that we can have a sort of subtle social fencing game to figure out if there might be mutual interest. (unfortunately, most of the time, everyone involved is too dense for this to be effective)
Honestly both sides kinda suck at this in their own ways.
Thank you)
It gets through, but we’re not 100% and don’t want you telling your whole circle of friends how much of a creep some dude is because he shot his shot.
I am 100% thick as bricks when it comes to picking up on hints directed at me.
But I have no problem seeing others flirting and one of them being oblivious to it.
That being said, now I am married I am ok with being oblivious.
