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Authorities in the Russian Republic of Chechnya have announced a ban on music that they consider too fast or slow.
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Wait… Did The Onion buy out CNN?
My exact thoughts as well. Im like:
“Huhh wtf, this cant be true. Ahh it must be the Onion. Wait wat… This is not the onion…”
Was trying to figure out why this felt so familiar, then I remembered it’s literally a plot point in the game Beholder 3, a game about an excessively oppressive surveillance government. Wild.
It’s also similar, though not quite, to the plot of Footloose. In that a town banned dancing, but this seems to be an effort to limit it to traditional folk dances.
More than just that one game has this plot point, I’m sure. During the early 90s, when Joe Leiberman and Tipper Gore made “Violence in Music/Movies/Games” their cause celeb, we got a glut of artists producing dystopian prophecies of hyper censorship.
I’m saying the game has the exact plot of the government banning certain tempos of music, not just censorship in general, though that is also in it.
I think I know what happened. Russia’s capital is in the Eastern Orthodox region of the country. They celebrate big Christian holidays such as Christmas using the Julian calendar; so about two weeks later than most. So, it makes sense that they celebrate the smaller holidays one week late. April Fools?
I guess Low is going to have to cancel their Chechnya tour.
Imma go blow some Chechnyan minds with my happy hardcore outfit that plays songs at 100bpm, but only plays 64th notes.
Are you a genius or a madman?
saving us from the national menace that is cotton eye joe.
I’m sorry, where did this come from? Where did this go?
Where did it come from cotton eye Joe?
The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….
Which is banned
Your logic isn’t very patriotic. Please allow yourself to be escorted to the nearest window.
So did they do this to ban the Russian anthem intentionally??
Hmmmm
Music too fast? Straight to jail.
Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.
Just a little bit too perfect? Burned for witchcraft
and after the burning, whatever is left, straight to jail.
Straight to jail! Right away!
Thanks to jail we have the most moderate musical tempo in the world!
Sounds like a healthy form of governance. People can’t be trusted to manage tempo on their own. They should do this for heart rates as well.
Checks out. If your heart rate is too slow or too fast you’re probably doing a sin.
VladBit health health trackers now mandatory. Better keep yours charged up or gulag for you.
We have the technology
Rimsky-Korsakov is rolling in his grave
their president is stupid as fuck
Lol
80-115 bpm only.
What is their legal definition of a beat?
What kadyrovites do to their wives
You? Jail!
RIP nightclubs. RIP Cheeki Breeki.
They like to cha-cha real smooth. But not too smooth.
No anime intros for you chechnya!
Neither outros.
