Not quite a command, but I seem to have confused my oldest cat so that he thinks “excuse me” is a threat. He’ll be blocking a doorway, and if I say “excuse me” as I try to pass, he hisses and possibly swats, but if I just silently try to squeeze past, we’re all good. Currently working to undo that one.

Wife taught our dog to crawl.

She was trying to teach the dog to lay down and stay while she backed away with the treat. Our dog figured that if she kept her belly on the floor and crawled over to the treat it should be fine…

So my wife said “Good crawl!”, and kept working on it with the dog. Now the dog crawls on command.

“After you”.

My dog would walk right on my heels and nearly trip me. Taught her “after you” kind of accidentally and now she goes ahead a distance and then waits for me if I’m not fast enough.

My cat once hurt their foot and was limping so I gave them some treats and food.

They now limp around with their front paw raised anytime they want food.

Other way round actually, I mentioned this I another comment about my neighbour’s geese

I pass them every day when I’m walking the dog and always give them dandelion leaves; it’s basically goose-crack. They go nuts when they see me, and will even let me pat their heads

My wife mentioned one day that when she’s walking the dog, if she passes the geese they go nuts and run up to the fence, honking like mad and it freaks her out.

Took us a few tries to figure out the geese think the dog is bringing the human with the dandelion leaves

We lived in a house with a bunch of roommates when we got our dog, and at some point “fuck off” became “go lie down on your bed and get outta my space”… So now if “go lie down” isn’t taking, then “fuck off” works…

There were two.

1. Every time he farted it was awful so we’d shoo him out of the room. Eventually, he’d immediately walk out of the room right AFTER he farted.

2. We’d end the day watching TV in the living room. Eventually he learned that the click of the TV meant it was time to go to bed, so any time the TV got turned off, he’d get up and go into his bed in our bedroom.

I taught my pet rock to “stay” in 1988.

It hasn’t moved since.

Cat screams constantly when he wants anything and he’s so damn cute we always give in. So it’s just screaming to wake up and feed me, screaming to scratch his bum while he eats (he LOVES that shit), screaming for attention, screaming to go outside. He’s so annoying but god damn do I love him.

My dog learned the sound of the keyboard shortcut to put a windows machine to sleep: Win + X, U, S

He’ll be dead asleep on the bed next to me, but the moment those keys are hit he full sprints to the backyard for his final potty of the night while I brush my teeth.

My bichon/poodle mix has learned the sound of a telephone call. Whether it’s vibrating ringing, the ringtone sound, the ringing sound the phone makes when you are calling someone, or just the inflected way that I say “hello” when answering the phone. He even picks up on any of the above sounds on TV, and he seems to be able to differentiate between the short vibrate of a notification versus the long vibration of a ring.

I have a lot of phone anxiety which means I often get up and pace around my apartment a lot when I’m on the phone. He thinks this pacing implies that I want to play with him, so he gets super excited, chases me around, and tries to grab my ankles or jump on the furniture and nip at my fingers. When I want to play with him, these behaviours are cute and fun. But he has associated me walking around my apartment with wanting to play which is distracting and frustrating when I’m already on edge from my phone call anxiety.

I train my cat to speak. I wish I knew it was forbidden cursed knowledge. She dose not shut up. If it’s 10am and im late on breakfas, she will meow non stop.

I can’t sleep in anymore.

Kinda somehow trained my dogs to expertly remove socks from feet… Started as a puppy with an interest in toe biting, decided to try to mould it into something positive. Lots of "OWW"s later, she will delicately nibble the tip of your sock to seperate a bit of fabric from the toe, then grab on, and tug straight backwards (you gotta point your toe to help her out) and voila! Sock removed.

Thought it was dumb but 7 years later, my pregnant wife thinks it’s the fucking bees knees

My dog responds to swear words by doing the kinds stuff you see emotional support dogs do in videos- press on your chest, give you kisses, nuzzle your face, etc.

Except she’s small, blind, and a bit… intense, so she kinda launches into you if you’re sitting, with some intense affection.

IDK why. I guess we don’t swear very often, ao when we do, its special, and we swear with enough gusto for her to think we’re very, very upset.

I can make my husky howl by saying “space camp.”