I hope everyone had a great week last week. Hopefully this one turns out even better for everyone.
hey uhhhh my left tiddy feels weird again. there’s a mild pain/pressure underneath there :)))
there’s no way that it’s what I think it is, especially this soon on HRT, right? this is way too soon for that
It takes some time before actual breast tissue starts to form, but changes to nipples/aerola come very fast, along with the soreness. Ymmv if you find that gender affirming, or just annoying that you can’t wear white shirts any more.
Ymmv if you find that gender affirming, or just annoying that you can’t wear white shirts any more.
they always poked through anyway. though if that’s affirming? idk get back to me in 2 weeks
Friends have been using my pronouns. My family stopped using any pronouns for me. I’ll take that as a win.
So I’ve been playing Celeste recently and heard somewhere on here there’s a fan theory/something like that that she’s trans. Is there a good video on the topic, maybe explaining what some of the things represent?
or at least tell me what the hotel owner guy isI don’t think it’s a theory. I think the creator confirmed it as such. If I remember correctly, it was a sort of Matrix thing where it’s a trans allegory, but it was only recognized after the creator’s egg cracked.
The game has trans flags in it iirc =)
Oh 😅 probably could have found that. Thank you.
Im finaling my finals so hard they are final’d
my finals just said assad must go
time for E shot #2 tonight :))))))
THE WOKE MOB IS MAKING SHOOTING WOKE
lets gooo
Taking being a catgirl to the next step by having to climb over my house to get in because I forgot my keys
Surgery really scares me as much as I want it
The transphobic ppl in my life dont understand that we go into these things fully understanding what its going to be like
Like i know recovery is going to be hard, so why are you making it harder for me instead of supporting me through it
It’s certainly exhausting, but recovery is kind of like that thing looming in the distance for so long that one day you realize is suddenly there. Of course there’s always the risks of complication, but with a good support structure everything is so much more bearable. There’s good progress to make and it’s pretty clear to see too. Scary, but very much doable!
I hope the transphobes in your life disappear one day (by whatever circumstance)
down with cis
gotta buy a bus
More and more people are saying this.
Thanks for the heads up, i’ve edited the post accordingly
i think if i can get it together enough to call a teledoc to get hair pills i might be able to do more later
hope everyone is having a good week
my weekly allowance of
I HATE HAVING A VAGINA
I played Outer Wilds recently and kept thinking “if only I was in a time loop…” A 15 month time loop would be intense, but I’d go through a loop even longer to undo this
I am officially raising your allowance
you can now hate your vagina twice a week. Don’t spend it all in one place.
Haha I appreciate that
but I think if I’m not strict about it, I’ll just start posting about it all the time. It’s too heavy and sad
these big ass drawing needles are bullshit. they’re big fuckin needles but they still take like a minute to draw out .4ml of gel
careful with large drawing needles. if your vials (i’m assuming) have that rubber stopper you’ll punch pieces of it into the vial
it’s better to use a small one and just eat the time commitment
LITERALLY INJECTING MACROPLASTICS DIRECTLY INTO MY BLOOD LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOanyway, they only gave me some 22 gauge drawing needles so i’m just going to assume that’s what they meant for me to use. i guess i can look for some smaller injection needles next time around though
i think the risk is more rendering the contents no longer sterile than it is sucking up bits of rubber and injecting them (though that probably isn’t good either)
22g is probably okay, i was worried they started you on 18g needles like they did me
it’s called vial coring. you can look up techniques to avoid it, just searching the term on youtube should steer you right
I draw and inject with 23g needles, so you should be fine.
I did exactly this. When I called my doctor about that, she said to try and avoid getting the rubber bits in the syringe when I fill it, which was not comforting.
doctors are rarely comforting, i finddef look into the proper draw technique to avoid vial coring if you still have this issue.
goofy bloomer posting, navelgazing
All that blogging I did about body hair last mega feels really incredibly healthy to me. Between that and realising I never identified that closely with the “woman” label, I feel extremely at peace about me rn. I value this feeling of being at peace with my body, I’ll never fucking ever take it for granted. I am zen, satisfied. Unbothered. Moisturised. Flourishing. Happy. In my lane. Not focused though 'cause lmao.
One of the problems I had was, I always knew it didn’t work like this for everybody else, but in terms of myself transition and gender were so tied up in the medical aspect, because that was the biggest change in my life then, that I couldn’t really consider it in more granularity, 'cause my stupid brain would go “if my gender changes, some physical or presentational aspect of me must also change”. Plus the fact that I’m indifferent to they/them pronouns confused my tiny mind somewhat.
I also think my sad tiny mind needed the “woman” label back then, kid me sort of clung to it for a sense of validity. It was something I could angrily assert at people if they questioned me. But now I’m a lot more chill, (cohabiting with my wife, long removed from the struggles of obtaining HRT) I’ve come far enough to decouple all that stuff in my brain, really consider it for myself, interrogate it thoroughly, and it’s made me feel a lot better. I don’t feel like such a weird, out-of-place non-trans-woman, I am content to just be a vaguely transfeminine lesbian critter and not worry about it. To look at myself and my body and realise how content I am, that it really truly brings me joy being just how I am now.
talking about dirt_owl subject
it’s too early to tell if the T suppression is working but the spiro is clearly doing something to me. not only am i pissing way more but it even smells different. i think i can faintly even smell the spiro in my urine now. this is wild
owlposting
Yeah the change in pee smell must be fuckin awesome for watersports enthusiasts =)
:jesse-wtf: I am never reading owl posting again
owl subject
yeah lmao. every time i piss now i keep thinking about how hot it would be if i somehow got a piss kink. am i turned on by this? no, but if someone was into piss they’d be horny as fuck and that’s funny
I'm going to make this worse somehow
While we were discussing a certain gender neutral bathroom in the UK, a friend of mine recently stated that a piss kink might be the only excuse to get a Maggie Thatcher tattoo. I think that’s a bit much dedication to a bit, or to piss, but i think it’s worth mentioning in this context, beause it just doesn’t feel right when a transfem conversation about piss doesn’t include Thatcher.
Amazing how Caesar doesnt even pay you or give anything to entice you to support his LARPING slaver army, like he literally expects the Courier to just blindly follow his orders . Legion route is literally one of those evil fallout choices thats really just picked for contrarianism.
ok but it’s worth it to hear the guy scream his head off about how inferior women are forbidden from his combat arena though
Nevermind that the final boss of the arena fight is a female NCR ranger lol.
Cognitive dissonance all the way down
Pretty sure estrogen is just making my anxiety go absolutely crazy. I pretty much had a mental breakdown last night and I still feel like there’s an elephant on my chest today. I just want my brain to be normal. I don’t want to detransition either :( I’m so upset I wish I could go back to before all these intrusive thoughts started it’s ruining my life :(
From one intrusive thoughts haver to another, what you’ve described in past posts sounds like OCD to me. If it’s taking over your life, it’s no longer really subclinical imo. I wish I had a good solution, but to be honest I’m still mired in this hell myself and trying to claw out of it.
Here’s an OCD channel that helps me sometimes when I get really stuck in my head and need some perspective that it’s not just me.
I’m hoping it’s something that goes away with adjustment of my hormones. I want to get my levels checked today but I’m trying to figure out if my doctor put in an order for me… I’m just hoping there’s a more simple fix for this because I spent a lot of my life with for sure intrusive thoughts and anxiety but this is some other beast, I’ve never felt this shit for so long and I’m so so so scared that it means that I can’t be on estrogen or something…
Somehow I just need to not care about the thoughts, or just kinda ignore them which is what I did my whole life. I need to get back to there but it seems impossible
Haha… sitting with my thoughts instead of doing mental compulsions? What’s that?
I’ve also had the experience where my intrusive thoughts and anxiety flared after a period where they were present but not a huge problem. For me it happened a few years ago. I think this is a relatively common experience with OCD; at least I’ve seen other people describe similar things. I hope things get better for you.
Hopefully you’ve had moments of relief over the last few years at least. This lasting years is… horrifying. Have you had any luck with medications?
I have, I should try to get back on them again.
Are you seeing a therapist or anything? In my experience most therapists are… not very well-equipped to handle and treat OCD and I still haven’t had luck with finding a therapist I like. I’ve been thinking about seeking out an OCD therapist specifically. It’s unfortunately a really poorly understood mental health issue for how well-known it is.
Fuxking OCD therapy is so expensive. Wondering if my insurance covers NOCD or whatever that app is. I’ve also been listening to an audio book- “Freedom from Obsessive compulsive disorder” and that’s been good. It’s on spotify for free if you already pay for spotify
Yeah, my therapist strongly doesn’t believe that I have it and thinks I just need to like, fight the thoughts and tell myself they are wrong and stuff (this absolutely doesn’t help me because I already know that intrusive thoughts are just that, intellectually. But it doesn’t feel this way, which is the problem and I’m neber 100% sure either)
Specialized OCD treatment is definitely way too expensive, it’s an issue. Also, worrying that your intrusive thoughts aren’t intrusive is another common thing in OCD.
Also thank you for the resource. I have watched a few videos now and really he is so right about just sitting with the thoughts but my god it’s so much easier said than done. I’m gonna really try though
