Sofia “Buff Girlfriend” @sofiabuffgf
Installing a bidet at home was life changing but unfortunately it’s transformed pooping on company time from a small proletarian victory into yet another grueling humiliation of inadequate working conditions.
I relate to this on such a deep level. I really dread using any toilet that doesn’t have a bidet now. I can’t figure out why they aren’t everywhere . It has to be better for the environment.
Go for a portable one. Be clean and proud. Nobody is gonna ask you about the flask-thing anyway unless they want one. https://www.happypo.de/ No idea if it has a translated site, but it’s quite butt-forward anyhow.
We have those in the US as well. They’re meant for women who just gave birth to clean their privates. The hospital gave my wife 3 that we got to take home since they can’t reuse them.
Bidets can generally also be used for lady parts, but it isn’t just for that. In the link, it does call itself “butt shower”.
Yeah, but this “portable bidet” is literally the exact same product that has been marketed towards post-partum women in the US. I mean that literally, it’s the exact same product made in China, marketed by some slimy western asshole as a “revolutionary portable bidet!!!1!11!”
I was in Japan for two weeks and not once did I use a toilet without a bidet. It was glorious.
I don’t know if I’d trust a public bidet, the amount of poop people leave on the toilet seat doesn’t give me confidence they wouldnt find a way to get their explosive slosh into the nozzle
I think we just need tiny sinks in stalls, or rather, all public stalls should be designed as semi-ambulant stalls.
Growing up as a crutches user (hip deformity) I didn’t fully comprehend that the standard stalls don’t have sinks in them. I kind of knew they didn’t all have sinks, but I didn’t think too hard about it, I sort of assumed the reason most people flushed then came to the main public sink was to use the mirror or dryer.
I got to used to filling my personal bidet at the sink, using it, and washing it at the sink, all behind the privacy of a closed bathroom door.
When I had my hip surgery and no longer needed semi ambulant stalls, or disability access stalls, and it was just so inconvenient to fill and rinse a bidet bottle in a regular public bathroom I stopped using it.
Then a few months later started using the semi ambulant stalls again so I can use my bidet, because it turns out my lichen sclerosis doesn’t like public toilet paper and I was getting really bad infections.
But yeah, personal bidet bottles are great, but they require a tap near the toilet.
Some public sinks are easy to fill a bidet bottle, but a lot aren’t, you physically can’t fit a bottle under the taps and because bidet bottles aren’t common it can feel embarrassing to fill it at the public sinks. Disability stalls almost always have a proper tap and sink for washing toilet aid devices.
Do you have any recommendations for a portable bidet bottle? Honestly it seems like I could just make one out of a plastic bottle but I’m curious if you’ve got any fancy recommendations
I don’t have any fancy suggestions, because much like you, I often went DIY. Because of my skin condition I’ve always needed a bidet, so convenience and utility was my draw, the fact I had to carry it with me everywhere my whole life since adolescence.
Pretty sure when I was first taught to do it by my chronic care nurse I was just using hospital peri-bottles. For a while I just carried a 50ml syringe in my bag and a bottle to draw water from.
But at some point (probably around 12 when I joined Scouts) I found these “bidet bottlecaps” at hiking stores, and I remember a time when I just had these bottle caps everywhere and would have plastic bottles with hair ties on them in random purses (I’d put a hair tie around the bottle to remind me it was not drinking water anymore) the brand name I’m seeing pop up is CuloClean, but I mostly see cheap screw on no-brand ones near the register at camping stores.
Now days I mostly DIY them with a lighter, a q tip and a pin.
Just take any plastic bottle lid, heat it up with the lighter to soften the plastic, use the q-tip to push the soft plastic to make a “nipple”, you’re basically trying to make the bottle lid resemble a baby bottle. Then take the pin and make a ~1-2mm hole in the side of the nipple. It’s a good idea to sit down and hold the bottle and see how you’re planning to aim the stream so you can plan where you want to angle the hole you’re making in the lid.
I’m glad I found this method, because I like the little 250ml bottles of Quench Juice, they squeeze easy, hold just the right amount of water, and fit really neatly in all my purses (and the juice is nice too, lol). But the lid was never compatible with the bidet bottle caps, so now I DIY the existing cap of whatever bottle I prefer.
But in either case, you need to have a second, unaltered bottle cap to swap out after use, so the bottle is water tight for storage again. (though, you can always leave it empty and just refill immediately before use, then empty it completely afterwards)
CuloClean
As a Spanish speaker I love that name haha
Back when I needed a bidet I kept my portable full and would refill it when I washed my hands. It took up half to all of my purse, depending on how large of a purse I was carrying, but it was worth it. I’d just use a peri bottle (kept two in my bag) I’d get from the hospital. Not sure where to get them when you’re not inpatient.
In Australia, most larger chemist’s sell peri bottles in the antenatal section, near the breast pumps and maternity pads.
They also sometimes sell cheaper, less pink, peri bottles in the OT/home aid section, or in the ailse with the laxatives and enemas.
You can definitely get them on Amazon. I also find them occasionally in the toiletries section of Muslim grocery stores, and occasionally Asian stores, near the buckets, stools, and tabo cups.
Imagine the filth in your average public restroom.
Now imagine if they were all designed with powerful fountains that spray water up and out of the device if not intercepted by an anus.
I’m pretty sure “this is why we can’t have nice things” is true in this case, just pre-emptively.
The wonderful thing about every bidet I’ve ever used is that they require intentional actions to be activated. I have never gotten a surprise spray yet.
I had one with analog pressure control. It was basically just a valve with a limiter you hooked up to toilet’s water line. If your hand slipped, you got to do a little spring cleaning. It was not as refreshing as the task sounds.
Ah, the poor mans enema. Sometimes if you have a poop that’s not cooperating you can squirt some water up there and it comes out. Source: 😏
Surprises of that sort aren’t really the problem, tho that would be… wild.
The intentional abuse of the devices would be the problem, as would unintentional misuse (eg they are in the wrong position and it misses entirely, or they don’t know what it is and mess with the controls while standing in front of it).
You’re right. There is nothing stopping folks from throwing toilet paper (clean or dirty) all over the public restroom on purpose and I have spent enough time in airport bathrooms to know that people can make a mess perfectly fine with how restrooms are kitted out today.
Mine won’t turn on unless your ass is detected on the seat and it set me back less than $200.
People do mess with stuff, gotta agree there. Don’t agree that the solution is to not have stuff though. Might as well not have any public space if that’s the attitude.
First thing I did after installing a bidet was shoot water 3m onto a wall.
I would like to see an AMA from a first time owner that didn’t end up with water on the wall. When in the process of deciding to get one and having it functional did it occur to watch out… or not?
I did after putting it in and watched my partner test it and got another in a different spot.
I got 20 on it.
Same, honestly. You have to make sure it works and you don’t really think to cover it, and even if you did you don’t really know where…
And then you find out. And giggle a bit.
My bidet toilet came with a “demonstration tool”. A (transparent) plastic contraption that can be put on the toilet which 1) activates the bum-sensor and 2) blocks the water stream.
The toilet also has a “demonstration” mode, I did not dare to turn that on, though.
I definitely have but it was 100% user error :( I was cleaning my toilet and meant to turn on the nozzle clean but turned on the regular wash instead. I screamed so loud my partner thought I was injured. Thankfully I was wearing glasses I guess.
People are quite intentional in their destruction of public property. And then of course there are all of those incompetent idiots roaming around.
Well let’s pull out the toilets too. They can and do make plenty of mess of those. Let’s just get rid of public amenities.
I wasn’t arguing that we shouldn’t offer them in public restrooms, just pointing out that there will be issues, even though you and I can handle them just fine. I hate using public restrooms ever since I installed bidets in my house. I even take baby wipes backpacking with me now, since I can’t stand only using dry toilet paper. It’s gross!
Surprise sprays tend to happen when your staring over the stradle-style bidet, trying to figure out how the hell to work it.
Met a new friend and his wife once. Had no idea what it was. Touched a knob and the ceiling got wet.
The guy got me set up with a nice job in what ended up being a lucrative career.
They got divorced a few years later. Husband moved out west with a friend’s girlfriend. Said friend ended up marrying the wife. She’s a slut, and they’re going through a divorce now.
nice fuckin story lmao
Yeah. The upside down shower I use works great. I clean myself off, and the shower head between my feet keeps spraying what I’ve just washed off my body… back onto my body. Totally reasonable, no reason for criticism.
A bidet only sprays your asshole though? And it doesn’t get it’s water supply from the toilet bowl, it’s hooked up to clean water? I don’t understand why you think any of that happens.
Edit: I read your other comments farther down, so the context changes matters. I get what you were aiming to say.
Thanks for at least trying to understand my admittedly poorly contextualized metaphor.
WTF are you on about, do you think bidets use toilet water from the bowl or something?
Using just toilet paper is like if a bird shit on your arm and you used toilet paper to wipe it off. There’s still shit on your arm - you’re still dirty and need to wash it off. Bidets are really superior in every way.
I mean, If a bird shit on me, I wouldn’t consider myself clean if I just hosed it off with water either. Soap needs to be involved. Bidet or TP is just a stopgap until you actually wash your ass. With soap.
Wet wipes and soap bro
Wet wipes are a problem to the sewage system. They don’t break down, they clog. Don’t use them unless your selfishness outweighs your sense of responsibility. This isn’t a TED talk, just be a decent human being.
Huh I never really knew that. I just normally wipe 1000x times
They may say “flushable”. They lie.
Soz, can’t tell what your point is with the 1000x comment.
Using a bidet is like a bird pooped on you and you just splashed that shit all over the place and got everything wet.
If you really believe that, possibly you are too thick to be using a bidet.
Steps for using a bidet:
- After pooping, remain seated on toilet seat with bidet
- Turn on bidet to desired pressure.
- Wiggle your butt around letting the water jet spray you down.
- Turn off bidet.
- Grab a few squares of TP and fold them over.
- Wipe water off and inspect for cleanliness.
- Repeat steps above if TP wasn’t clean.
Congrats, you’re now a pro, an clean, pooper.
So poopy water goes everywhere and soggy TP goes all over my butt. You call that clean. Enjoy the splashed about bits of everyone else’s poop around the thinnest and least protected membranes in your body. I’m not wasting any more break time replying to you.
Please take the words of experience of this thread: your perspective is incorrect. It’s OK to change your mind. Bidets don’t plash shit everywhere and your but can be as clean as it could be without using soap.
How tf do you clean your butthole
In the shower. How clean does a butthole need to be?
You take a shower every time you take a shit or do you just shit, take your clothes off, head to the shower and spread your cheeks for a minute?
I’m sitting here wondering… Do you think a bidet uses the water currently in the bowl? Or that it sprays through that water? Because it doesn’t.
No
Once again, it looks like you have never used a bidet yet somehow have the confidence to get everything wrong.
Or, you have tried to use a bidet and did some kind of three stooges bit in the process.
Clearly bidets are not for you, Sir.
Did your parents not teach you how to clean?
Did YOURS? Where I’m from, if you’re playing in the water but the dishes still have food on them, you’re in trouble.
The bidetphilia is strong at lemmy, which never ceases to amaze me.
we’re not all americans, here
deleted by creator
Buff Girlfriend … posting about butts, poop, and bidets.
No baiting going on at all.
Nope.
None.
Buff.
Sure.
Username checks out.
You realize that is the stupidest, lowest effort response possible. And it’s, by definition, a targeted personal insult.
Lemmy really is filled with stupid trolls.
I’ve used many a bidet, and I had one installed before eventually removing it.
Isn’t it kind of gross to have shit-spackled water being sprayed around a larger area of your undercarriage? I enjoy a nice bidet, but it just kind of seemed gross to me. You wipe clean, then whatever fecal matter and microbes are left then get sprayed onto your taint? That doesn’t really help things much.
Do what I do: only poop in nearby businesses so you never pollute your toilet, and then immediately come home and take a shower.
The nozzle needs to be constantly sanitized, or you’re basically just letting shitty water be sprayed on you. Studies have shown that regular use of a bidet disrupts healthy vaginal microflora.
Pregnant women should especially not use a bidet.
Even a constantly (every use) sanitized bidet is generally less sanitary than proper wiping. Using a spray of water to handle fecal material is very obviously suboptimal. I feel like it’s absurd that people need to be told this. You might “feel” cleaner, but you just allowed bacteria a vehicle to spread over a larger area of your body.
It’s fresh water from the plumbing that gets sprayed on your butt. Like having a butt-exclusive shower with CLEAN water. I don’t think you can even buy bidets that recycle shit water to spray your butt. That sounds awfully unhygienic. Are you OK, friend?
Curious why you feel its absurd people need to be told this? Even in the the study you linked, they note in the discussion
It is of great surprise to find that detection of fecal bacteria was prejudiced against the bidet toilet users.
Still a concerning study to me, since I’m a habitual bidet user. Fortunately I don’t need to worry about vaginal microflora. Furthermore, I could only find this one small study that shows correlation (not necessarily causation), so I’d be hesitant to immediately regard bidets as less sanitary than wiping, especially for men.
There are several more studies. That was just the one I was mentioning because it relates to serious health concerns for pregnant women.
For men, perhaps less of an issue, but I’m just generally in favor of keeping fecal matter as localized as possible and cleaning myself regularly. I would never take a shower where the shower head sprays up from the floor, you know what I mean? I wash top down, paying special attention to the stinky and the dirty areas, and I clean myself with the idea that everything I’m washing off is going down, into the drain. Not up, back onto my body.
Fecal bacteria were detected in 50 of the 268 cases (18.66%), 46 cases in users (92%) and only 4 cases in non-users (8%). Contamination by other pathogens was 4 to 6 times higher in users than in non-users.
It sprays shit around. I guess to me, that just seemed obvious. But I hear what you are saying to me. It even surprised the researchers, so why would I be surprised that other people find it surprising.
I take your point. It seemed very obvious to me after installing one, but I’m being rude by assuming knowledge. Thank you for correcting my attitude.
That’s not very nice to say. I’m not being obtuse – the writers of the article you linked it even said themselves they were surprised that the bidet-users had more fecal matter. I don’t poop on my bidet, and regularly clean it. You’d think that the jet of water plus wiping would get more fecal matter off your butt rather than wiping, alone. Dang. I’m just trying to have a conversation.
I corrected that comment almost immediately, and I apologize. You are absolutely right, I was being defensive.
Edit: I’m not an asshole, I swear. I saw that you were honestly engaging and I felt bad immediately and revised the comment as quickly as I could.
I gotchu, it happens. No worries. You’ve definitely piqued my (admittedly gross) interest – I’m gonna do some more research after work and I’ll look out for your link.
Good luck on zoom!
I’m being downvoted for pointing out that numerous studies have shown that the bidet is not the hygienic dream you all hoped it was?
You all are some weird people with more funk downstairs than I want to think about.
Directly from the NIH: “Kim et al. conducted a study of high-risk pregnant women with preterm labor and reported that the use of a bidet toilet was associated with abnormal vaginal colonization and increased the rate of preterm labor in high-risk pregnancies.”
I assume you all are also anti-vax because of the 5G?
I’m sorry, I’m in the middle of several zoom meetings and using my 15min breaks between sessions to comment here. If you remind me about this in five hours, I would be happy to link you several studies and a meta analysis.
Please also note that the study you’re linking is earlier than the one I’ve linked, the methodology is generally shoddy, and they, as I recall, directly reference this study in the link I’ve already provided.
It sounds like you think bidets use water from the toilet bowl, so it’s shooting dirty water at you.
That isn’t how they work. 🤦♂️
I think they mean it’s spreading fecal matter all around from the butthole outward, not spraying with poop water. I’m a guy. I find it ricochets, hitting the backside of my scrotum at times. I figure if you let it go long enough, it’s bound to wash the particles off, but can you be sure?
Maybe you’d like an original bidet, the ones that are basically just a sink low on the floor so you can wash yourself
I generally carry a portable bidet when I travel for this reason. But yes, I’m traveling in Japan right now and it’s great. Also the fact that the bathrooms are clean.
Wash up in the sink. Or the water cooler.
I don’t think I’ve seen a post that spoke so strongly to me
That said. Working at a Japanese company has some perks like this in particular
I got to learn to love those bidet toilets through my frequent (extended) work travels to Japan. Got one for myself at home when the bathroom was up for renovation. Now I am dreading any work trip to not-Japan because I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I’ll have to shit like a barbarian for that time.
I try and pre poop for this reason, if going to town and get caught out etc
Smearng shit around your asshole with paper might have appealed to 8yr old me but no longer is it the mischievous fun it was in the long ago.
It was also bemusing to see the great TP shortages of the Covid era and snicker
You just gotta hire a domestic worker to shoot a super soaker at your gooch.
Move to Finland. Problem solved.
You all just like having your poop splashed all over the place.
And you like putting paper up your holes? How does that argument make sense?
Up? No, that’s reserved for silicone.
You ever see TP splash around and get everywhere? How does that make sense?
Had no idea freaks came up with seperate bidets.
A (single use) water bottle with a sport cap is basically a portable bidet. One can even easily adjust the water pressure.
Now I take baby wipes backpacking with me. I can’t go back to dry poopy butt after owning a bidet for years.
Baby wipes are a life saver where bidets aren’t common! But please please don’t flush them people, most plumbing* isn’t built to handle them (even if it says flushable on the back).
So true. I was just at a client site yesterday, forget bidet, the stall walls barely even cover below the knees and above the shoulder, plus have inch wide gaps between the walls and doors. May as well just poop in the sink.
Yeah that don’t track. I poop on company time and walk away with a pampered butt thanks to my bidet. Feels fantastic and clean.
I think they mean when they’re in the office
Exactly. Unjustified RTO is basically a crime against humanity.
New plan everyone. Sue your company for their crime against humanity and the environment for their lack of bidets.
And our buttholes!
