Which side of the bed is the left side? Is the answer based on the perspective of laying in the bed (person’s head at the head end)? Is the answer based on viewing it from the foot of the bed, looking at the head of the bed? Is there an “anatomical position” or special terminology like in boating for this?
For context: My boyfriend and I can’t agree on this. We change who gets which side based on the shoulder we’d predominantly sleep on and how it’s feeling. This let’s us get good cuddles before shoulder pain gets irritated. He comes to bed after me. A while back he asked what side I’m sleeping on. I said “left”. Later that night, he comes in and almost lays directly on me because he claims “left” is the other side. Since then we have to describe which side using complicated descriptions.
Where is the head and foot of the bed? Where are the top and the bottom? If the bed were stood up on the foot, is the top the front or the back? These questions may have something to do with the answer or are completely meaningless.
The answer is easy, but to get to it, a little bit of a thought experiment is probably helpful. I say, look to how we define our own left and right sides for guidance. When facing forward, our left hand is on the left side of our body, and the right hand is on the right side of the body. Perspective doesn’t matter, and there is no ambiguity.
Now we need to extend this to the bed. A bed has a head, just like a person does. So where would its face be? It seems clear to me, unless you are sleeping on a dead mattress, that the face is clearly going to be looking upwards at the ceiling at the head of the bed. So the left side of the bed, if you are standing at the foot of the bed looking at it, would be on your right. Just like the left side of your friend, when you are standing in front of them and looking at them, is on your right.
Now if you just imagine the mattress to be perfectly spherical and in a frictionless environment…
(Obviously just having fun with this answer, but it’s also the right answer)
I’ll have to counter his argument with this. I think it nullifies the standing at the foot line of thinking.
It’s easiest if you think of the bed as a person. I call mine “Ed the Bed”
Imagine you are driving the bed. If you lean up you’re looking forward. You could call them driver and passenger side based on this. Sort of like port and starboard lol.
but that would make beds the other way around in some countries
It is left as an exercise for the bed users who are from countries which drive on different side of the roads to determine their own phrasing.
Imagine you are driving the bed
actually quite enjoyable, ty!
Following because this drives me nuts too
Someone save us, give us an authoritative answer
Happy to hear we aren’t the only ones.
take a cue from the theater folk: stage left/right is defined by the performers’ perspective. Call it “bed left” and “bed right” to talk about it from the perspective of someone on the bed, and “standing left” or “standing right” to talk about the perspective of someone looking at the bed
Although it’s kinda silly to me that anyone’s default orientation would be from looking at the bed, which is not the position most commonly associated with the thing famous for laying in it.
Nice job renaming stage and audience to bed and standing. I would’ve used their original terms. Our bed is not a stage and we don’t entertain an audience so that would’ve gotten weird/entertaining at some point.
And absolutely agree. I was dumbfounded when he said otherwise. There’s a good few who agree with the logic. Personifying the bed breaks that logic though.
But that’s the position you most commonly look at a bed from. And when figuring out where you’re gonna get into the bed.
Like the only time you actually use the information about sides of bed is from the perspective of outside the bed.
that’s another flaw: standing left only conflicts with bed left if you’re standing at the foot. At the head they’re the same. On either side, it’s an arbitrary decision.
Whereas bed left will always be the same side of the bed regardless of its shape, its orientation in the room, or your position in relation to it.
If you lay in the bed, depending on if you are lying on your back or stomach, left and right still change.
Ususally a bed is positioned with the head against a wall, so if you are facing the bed from the foot end, left and right are always the same. So I vote left/right is as seen from the foot end of the bed.
But what if your bunk is on a marine vessel?
Good to know that I’m not crazy!
You’re in agreement with my BF.
I didn’t consider stomach sleepers. It’s a good counter. I sleep on my stomach for short periods of time, but laying prone isn’t default orientation (we typically don’t face the ground) so therefore shouldn’t be used as an indicator of default direction.
How do you reference position while in the bed? Just “your vs my” side?
If I’m talking about sides of the bed, I’m almost never in the bed at the same time, so I would be talking from a position at the foot of the bed. Beds are practically never in the middle of the room, so I wouldn’t be standing over the head of the bed while orienting. So the foot of the bed is the default position to reference.
If I’m in bed and talking about sides, I usually just guesture and say, “this side” (or “your/my side” if I’m talking to my wife) instead of designating left or right.
Your logic is that of my BFs.
If the bed to be used with people in it, I think that perspective should be the fixed perspective how it is used. If you’re partner is on your right hand side, the side you sleep on is the left.
Maybe it’s just a weird mental imagery thing to me, but if I’m talking about sides of the bed, I first mentally orient myself in the room of that bed before I can explain which side I’m talking about.
If I’m talking to someone whom I don’t share a bed with, it feels weird to describe the bed from my perspective in it. I’d rather explain from a neutral position near the bed, not my position while using it. Especially if I’m talking about other people’s beds. I don’t want to imagine myself in their bed before discussing a side of the bed.
To me, there’s a huge difference between the generic “left and right” side of the bed from the perspective of the foot of the bed, and “left and right” side based on which side I occupy at night. One feels far more personal, and I’d rather not deal with that visual, or risk other visually-oriented people like me imagining me in bed.
Imagine the bed is a clock. The 12 o’clock position is at the head — I don’t think anything else makes sense. That makes it unambiguous.
The positions are 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock.
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And 3 is obviously on the right side of a clock and 9 on the left so the debate is settled.
Not if you consider the clock’s face is facing you. Facing your face. And so you can’t expect its right and wrong to be the same as yours.
Let’s say you have a day to move your stuff and you’re down to the last minute. You only have time for one more trip back inside. Your girlfriend says to grab whatever’s left of the clock. You go inside and look at its clockwork face, still gazing up at you with blank, bright numbers. Where the clock has hung all these years, to one side there’s a window with a bottle sitting there. To the other a vase with flowers. What do you take? What’s left of the clock, the vase, or do you say screw it and grab the bottle, without bothering to read carefully what’s inside?
I’m afraid this is all just more confusing, sorry
This will only lead to more confusion.
When we sleep, the monsters are at our 6.
Either:
- you establish a convention and both learn to choose one perspective or the other
- one of you tries to do that and the other pretends not to agree, because it’s cute and fun as a form of teasing
Pick one and I hope whatever you pick works for both of you. Agreement is easy, but teasing can be fun.
A very realistic answer. It’s unlikely either of us will concede so this is will be a perpetual joke.
Enjoy! “I’ve chosen to find it charming.”
We use “my side” and “your side” so it’s always correct from any perspective.
To avoid confusion, just say driver and passenger side.
I meant this to be a joke, but if you assume your bed drives forward toward the side with your pillows then it actually works. But if you read in bed with a reading pillow then I guess you probably want to drive your bed toward your feet side of the bed…
Driver and passenger side confuses me more because of your last point. It’s backwards. But it still needs to be named foot of the bed and not head because it’s where it feet go. So your first point also makes sense. Both are right and wrong at the same time
Forget left-right. Use port and starboard.
Well, so which is the front and which is the back?
You mean “prow” and “stern”.
The front is where the spoiler isn’t.
Race car beds FTW.
I actually love this. Imagine all cars are race car beds and then use driver and passenger side lol.
Beds have a head and a foot, so the head is fore and the foot aft.
Ah. But in a bed race, it’s foot-first, implying a direction of travel that itself dictates head==aft and foot==fore. Totally different from how ironman flies, fwiw.
port and starboard are based on the orientation of the ship, not the outside observer
Yes, but without knowing which is fore and which is aft you cannot make that judgement.
fore would definitely be the foot of the bed. that’s where you are looking when you are using the bed properly
Define “properly.”
the bed was designed for sleeping. just because you can face any direction while fucking on it doesn’t mean anything, because the same can be said of a ship
Driver’s side and passengers side?
Stage left and stage right? (Depends on where your curtains are).
People drive in different sides in different parts of the world.
I assume OP and their partner drive on the same side of the road as each other though lol
The majority of people occupying the same bed will have congruent driver/passenger sides. Distant strangers don’t need to know which side you are referring to. Couples from different regions could adopt the local convention.
Seems like a flawed system. Why would auto manufactures not force the whole world to do it the same?
Fuck it, topside, underside.
This is the correct answer. It’s how ships avoid running into each other. When whoever is steering the vessel is facing the bow (front, usually the pointy bit), port is their left, starboard their right. Ship’s running lights are red on the port side, green on the left. So if you’re out on the water at night, you can immediately see whether a ship is coming towards you or moving away. The rule for passing an oncoming vessel is “port to port”, thus avoiding confusion and collision.
Sitting up in bed I would consider the headboard the stern, because I have my back to it, and the foot the bow. So the area to starboard is right, and portside is left. Ahoy maties!!!
Ahhh, it’s chips and fries I see.
Stand at the base.
Face the head
Now the age old question of “where is the base?”
On the bottom, holding up the mattress (optional)
My girlfriend lies on my right arm, so she’s on the right side of the bed and I’m on the left.
