For me, growing up, I was around people who saw games as useless and a waste of time, but I loved them
I’ve always been into computers and tech and was called techy and a gamer and each time, it was said with a sort of disgust from the person saying it.
It made me feel like I shouldn’t be friends with the few people like me, and I spent a lot of my childhood staying away from people, and making sure that people didn’t learn that I played games
Even now, I get slightly uncomfortable being called a gamer or techy or any synonym even though people don’t really think that anymore around here.
Anyone else have something similar?
Someone said I would be a good wife…I felt powerless and degraded. How did I manage to come off as so brainless and lacking in self respect that I’d have nothing better to do than be someone’s wife?
My family has said the same thing when doing something. Seems to be an old person thing to say.
I think it just bothers me that people shove the idea of being this cuddly nurturer at me and don’t give a shit if it’s what I want.
A chess improvement company once wrote an article about me and although I was deeply grateful for the opportunity I am also very glad I saw the first draft because the reporter invented a whole imaginary child. While cutting a lot of my thoughts about annihilation and how it’s a fairly staple tactical skill.
To his credit he removed it when I asked but…ugh. Can people not stay on topic ever? I swear to God I could be in the middle of defusing a bomb and someone would mention husbands or children.
How did I manage to come off as so brainless and lacking in self respect that I’d have nothing better to do than be someone’s wife?
genuinely curious, how did “you’d be a good wife” turn into “you’d be brainless and lacking in self respect, and would be nothing more than a spouse”?
Because what they clearly meant is that I came across as being nothing but help staff.
A good wife for someone, or for the person speaking? If the former, I probably agree with you. If the latter, I would mention that not all people have that image of a wife as someone defined by being housewife and executive assistant. Husband considers me a good wife because we love each other and I can handle the budget and hold down a job and cook so much better than he can (not a high bar to reach) but we are both adults, he cleans way more than I do, does the shopping at least half the time, we work together. He’d not consider a stereotype of traditional wife a good wife. I don’t know many people who do, come to think of it.
No a very traditional and backwards woman made a comment about how I’d be a good wife for her son who I don’t even know.
I don’t know how I managed to come across as that much of a worthless cored-out shell.
More likely she didn’t see you at all, only saw what she wanted to.
ETA: something like this happened to one of my daughters, her boss wanted her to marry his son (who she did not even like) basically because they liked her and wanted her in their family, and thought she’d be good for him, without even considering how bad he’d be for her!
Christ that’s so fucked.
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I get mistaken for Hispanic and told I look Colombian. My American name is pretty common white guy name but people call me by the Spanish variant.
But that’s not even the right continent and I have zero Hispanic heritage. All it tells me is that you look at skin color and not features, and you lump me into an “other” category. We don’t all look like KPop idols.
This is complicated by the fact that my South American wife is light skinned with green eyes, and when she speaks fluent Spanish people assume she is an American girl who learned the language due to me, her “Hispanic” husband.
Not a bad thing, just annoying, and please stop yelling that I “have to go back” when I’m in the park with my kids.
My girlfriend in college told me that her friends all agree:
You’re the best asshole we know.
Someone said that I “got skinny” (I’d lost a bunch of weight, on purpose). She meant it as a compliment, but in my mind skinny = underweight/malnourished, so I went out for lunch that day and ate a bunch of McDonald’s.
A “red wine guy”. Ugh.
Not so much a verbal thing, but just the general first glance demeanor on a blind date or an internet date…tough to forget.
Also, growing up I was always told I’d never amount to anything spending so much time on computers and that I needed to do something with my life. Well, I made over $500k last year in software engineering consulting…so…yeah.
certified gamer
When I was much younger, someone older said I’d grow up to be a heartbreaker. I was like… What? No. I’m nice, I’m not going to break hearts, what?.. Long after I realised it was a compliment on how I might look when I grew up. I still don’t think it’s a good compliment though.
It is a good compliment. At the end of the day, people will find you attractive and fall in love, even if you are already in a commited relationship or not interested. Being a “heartbreaker” is only shitty if you actively do something that makes it hurt the other person more - i.e. stringing them along, using people etc. Breaking hearts is part of life, even if someone is nice. At the end of the day neither you, nor the person that has fallen in love with you can change how they feel very much, it’s your actions in response to that that make you a shitty or good person.
It didn’t feel good and I was like 8 or something. It would be a nice compliment if they said… you’ll be loved or you’ll light up the room or something… But it was instead… you’ll hurt people.
Again, being a heartbreaker has nothing to do with you hurting people, unless you do it on purpose and use people. They are hurting themselves by expecting something out of you that you cannot provide.
I don’t want to think I have a negative impact on people. It’s just not a nice way to put it, especially to a little kid.
It’s not really a “not nice way” to put it. Maybe it’s not “the nicest”, but defo isn’t “not nice”. It’s a metaphore like many others and I think you took it like a kid would and overthought it for many years later. To me it’s the same as someone telling someone else “you will be Miss Universe when you grow up” and someone focusing on the exploitation in the industry and the general yuckiness around beauty pageants, rather than the compliment itself.
Anyway, we are kinda going in circles here, don’t think we need to keep this going on lol
My teacher said I had an “apple face”, apparently it’s supposed to be a compliment but kid me got pissed and felt insulted.
Oof yeah, my teacher used me as an example of someone with a round face in art class when I was about 10 and I still feel self-conscious about my face shape sometimes.
I feel patronized whenever someone calls me smart or funny. As if they call me that because they think i’m insecure and i need a compliment. As if they call me smart like one would call a dog smart. I generally have a self-esteem problem that makes it difficult to take any compliments at all, but these in particular are bad because as a kid people used these as a euphemisms to talk about my awful social skills
A lot of people seem to hold us asexuals as worthless because we don’t want families or don’t want traditional families, and many of these people speak their minds to me all the time, especially when they perceive an inconsistency in me applying the label to myself that isn’t really an inconsistency as much as a technicality.
As an asexual Moroccan, I was indeed a victim of this.
The best people in the world are people who don’t want kids and then don’t have them. The worst are the people who don’t want kids and do have them.
But procreation (or not) aside, people have way more worth to society than that.
I don’t mind people calling me nerdy. Once overhead someone telling someone else at work that I was “so funny” when generally I keep it in check at work, and that felt complimentary as well.
But one time a yoga teacher told us in a class “you are bigger than you think” and I don’t even know what she meant, my stomach dropped, I felt absolutely awful. And while I am womanly as fuck, absolutely delight in being a woman, I dislike being seen as feminine. I don’t like being complimented on looking curvy, softness and squish freaks me out much more than it should. I know people mean those as compliments but they make me want to cry.
I honestly can’t think of anything. Is there things people have said that I don’t like? Sure. But ones that made me feel awful? No, and if there was something like that it probably felt bad because deep down I knew they were right.
Offence is taken, not given. If you call me something I know not to be true I simply don’t care.
My second year calculus teacher called me baroque which rended asunder my math career.
Doesn’t that just mean without a well defined form? Used to grade pearls. Says more about the person saying it (I don’t understand you).
He was referring to the era from which my methods appeared in integration, which is to say there are more modern tricks that I don’t fully understand.
Years later, xkcd would be reassuring that it wasn’t just me. But it killed my ability to get a comsci degree.
As I like to say about music: “If it’s not baroque, fix it!”
