I have imposter syndrome, both at work and in my relationship.
I have imposter syndrome in life. I constantly feel like having to behave in a way I’m not. I’m often times scared in the public in fear of embarrassment or whatever. Certain scenarios already make me freak out in my head before they even have a chance to occur. I keep on not … living … enjoying life. always fearsome of bad things to happen in the future, not giving myself time and room to grieve. My last relationship took my belief that everything is going to be fine, and I was kinda bitter before that already.
I also have imposters at work esp. because I don’t have any degree whatsoever to prove that I know what I am doing, but since it’s worked out for a couple of years that is kind of the least worry most of the time.
Everything, but specially my ability yo make decisions.
It doesn’t matter what we are talking about. You just have to say “Are you sure?” to make me feel insecure about any topic, at work, home or with friends. And, of course, then every bad consequence is my fault.
I would feel insecure anyways, but i can usually control my feelings. Say that sentence and i struggle even to walk.
are you sure?
Not getting enough updootes.
I don’t have a girlfriend (because I can’t get one) when everyone around me is in a relationship.
do women approach you or flirt with you?
Unfortunately no. If it was the opposite, I wouldn’t be in this situation.
So when I was dating a while back I was apparently fuckin terrible at picking up hints. the ladies were dropping hints but my insecurities had brainwashed me into not seeing them. It was embarrassingly bad on my part.
One thing I had to learn was that if I asked someone out and they said no or didn’t reciprocate wasn’t a loss or rejection. You’re in the same space and you can move on.
One thing I had to learn was that if I asked someone out and they said no or didn’t reciprocate wasn’t a loss or rejection.
Not only that, but you dodged a bullet. I thank women when they respectfully reject me. It’s awesome.
Also, think about all the times you were turned down. Does any of that matter now?? Nope. No one involved cares at all if they even remember. I think something that might help with this is for OP to place themselves in a position where they reject others. They could experience the other side and see that it’s not a bad thing. It’s just that they think it’s not for them and nothing else. And even in the rare chance that the rejection is seen as something else by the rejecting person, then even better because that’s not just dodging a bullet but dodging an artillery shell.
What do you got?
I have a mild speech impairment. I don’t stutter on a daily basis but when I’m under heavy stress or when I’m tired I tend to stutter-ish. On top of that I live in a country where I don’t speak in my native language and sometimes I feel self-conscious about small mistakes I make (like using the wrong word or messing up the grammar) which induces the stress response. It’s not a big deal but it makes me crazy when I can’t express my thoughts in public.
people who shit on people for imperfect language are insecure assholes.
it’s just as stupid online when people grammar police you for written words.
I have this mildly interesting story. When I moved to Australia I’ve shipped whole bunch of things by sea to cut the cost. It took months to arrive but when I finally got here I had to pick up my stuff from a storage location. The best part is that because I’m a white guy the person who was designed to handle the forklift (also white) was more than helpful (despite my accent and some grammar issues). But once the delivery guys arrived (mostly middle east) he turned into racist asshole. And the “best” part was that I was part of his racial slurs, mostly because I wasn’t using proper grammar…
I don’t mean to belittle your feelings about it, but I would find that cute af. There are certainly people around you that would feel the same.
Well, sometimes I get away with some petty wrongdoings just because I stutter. And I’ve learned it to use it for my advantage. Just to be clear, I’m not abusing this “power”, it’s mostly “organic”.
my ethics
Work ethics or moral ethics?
both :(
I guess mental health. I am all kinds of fucked up.
Irrationally insecure? My weight, or more accurately, my size. I was an eating disordered teen, still get stress anorexia, but even when healthy and relaxed my mind just thinks I am too big, when objectively and logically I know I am in great shape for someone with kids and over half a century of years. I feel fat unless underweight.
Rationally insecure? I don’t trust my job or the economy overall. Have been homeless and so poor, dug out of it and doing great but I am not relaxed about it at all. I don’t think that’s irrational though.
Being overly secure can be a problem too… I’m quite secure, because I’ve gone out of my way to work on insecurities. Buuut this has the consequence of insecure people seeing me as arrogant 🤷
Take it from me op. Drop the imposter stuff in your relationship, that can kill a relationship. I very nearly lost my wife early on because “I just can’t believe you want to be with me”. That isn’t attractive.
They like you, that’s why they’re with you. They weren’t tricked, you didn’t fool them, they like you. Who you are. All you gotta do is like them back :)
The best way to deal with imposter syndrome is to remember what got you here. All the things you do and did that other people can’t or aren’t willing to do.
I know a girl who just left her boyfriend because he didn’t show affection, didn’t try on dates, and just stopped trying altogether. Imagine the average person, then 50% of them being worse than that. Surely we can convince ourselves we’re above average if only slightly.
You ever think maybe you don’t have imposter syndrome? You’re just telling yourself you do because it feels like it, but you actually don’t have it at all.
Gasp! It’s actually imposter imposter syndrome!
Yup, I’m just an actual imposter
Sus
My singleness. I know the problem is me but I can’t seem to be the person people want.
Maybe it’s not that you can’t be what someone else wants, but that you aren’t finding or building relationships with the people that would want you. There are so many people with such vasts tastes, that there is someone for everyone, even serial killers or 40 year olds that dress in diapers. Whatever you are, there are people that are looking for that. It’s a matter of finding and building a relationship with them. ♥️
How long I’ve been single
Same
I have been single since 20 year so yeah it sucks
It’s almost impossible to find someone these days. Social media made people a lot more picky and everyone is trying to find the perfect person that doesn’t exist. Apps like tinder ruined it even more.
It depends on an age group. I would agree that in a group of 20-30 it’s a mess, but 35+ you can find a decent partner (depending on your age of course).
no you can’t.
I am over 35. I had no toruble finding people 20-35. Now I have a lot of trouble and I have nothing in common with people my own age, not to mention the ones i do meet up with… are incredibly angry at their exes/life, and many of them are still expecting to find ‘the one’ as in someone who saves them from their own bad choices/habits. It’s dark.
at least when i was younger people were optimistic and fun… now a first date is always ‘what’s your income, what is the price of your home, can you provide for me? if you aren’t you’re a selfish worthless asshole of a man’.
and i’m like, ‘ok’.
Odd. That’s backwards from what I generally hear people talk about. When you’re still in your early twenties, it’s very easy to meet people in college/university. Once you start getting older and leaving behind schooling and its associated extracurriculars, it gets way more difficult to meet people. Where are these 35+ people going out and finding partners? Not saying it’s impossible by any stretch of the imagination, just a lot harder.
people generally tell comforting myths and lies to themselves and collectively because the harsh reality of the situation is too terrifying to accept.
people also generally believe that ‘one day i’ll be rich’. even though they are 45 and working at a cashier in a gas station.
it’s also easier to tell yourself comforting BS because then you don’t have to take action and realize you are mostly a product of the choices you have made.
I agree it’s easier when you are older. Not in late 20s early 30s but there is a lot of movement when people break up because they chose badly when young. So after 35, it opens up again.
bingo.
the whole ‘you’ll do better when you’re older’ is a myth told to silence people who are unhappy in their 20s. Things don’t get better, they stay the same or get worse. People don’t magically mature at the age of 35 or anything… typically they just double down on bad attitudes.
I have never been in a relationship in my 36 years, in my daily life I feel secure, but I am fucking terrified when I think about finding a partner, I am interested in finding one as I am getting pissed at allways being alone, but I have no idea on where to start.
if you think not having anyone is bad, dating will ruin you. it’s brutal, illogical, and cruel.
That sounds like absolute hyperbole.
Also while there are times I do feel lonely and desperately want someone to share my life with, I am under no illusions that what I am imagining is a fairytale and that a real relationship will be very different.
In my dreams my partner has no real objectives on her own, that would be increadibly boring in reality.
In my dreams my partner is an accessory to my existance only existing to make me happy, in reality in an ideal relationship we both have goals, needs and wants, and work together to acchive both or goals, needs and wants.
I realize that my dream partner does not exist as I imagine her, and that we will both need to grow into a successfull partnership.
I am still quite happy living alone, so if/when a relationship doesn’t work out, I will still be capable of living on my own.
I don’t want a housewife, I find the entire concept unfair to both parties, unfair to me for shouldering me with all income for the household, unfair to my partner for forcing her to give up her carreer. I realize it works for some, but not for me.
Talk to someone who has been through a divorce and had their entire life destroyed.
And get out of your own head.
Well obviously if you just speak to people who has had bad experiences, then yeah, you will just hear about the bad stuff…
It’s just really hard. I would put it up there as one of the most challenging things we do in life. It can be absolutely soul destroying to be rejected.
Feminine hips and high waist?
femboys are in rn
So is John Mulaney. Again. Yass.
