So. Without trauma dumping, I’ll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What’s a father’s day gift that says “you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay”?
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Sixpack of beer? (Optionally alcohol-free, if his bad behavior is related to alcohol abuse.)
That would be especially funny because he’s Mormon, and he’s very upset I’m not.
A “Moroni is full of bologna” T-shirt?
Copy of the south park episode on Mormons?
same thing I always give: no contact
it’s more of a treat for myself, really. fuck him
That’s the goal. There’s some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that’s where we’re headed.
best of luck. it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
there comes a point where you realize you haven’t thought about them in months and it’s delightful. Hang in there!
Off-brand scented candle set.
It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.
Ooh I like this. Especially since he hates strong smells.
Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.
Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.
It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.
I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.
Hm… I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. “But dad, it smells just like summer!”
Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.
Yeah my wife loved the smell in the aisle, but it got old really fast at home lol
As a bonus, with those cheap candles there’s a decent chance burning them fills his house with toxicity.
Just like him!
Jean Luc just died a little, inside.
I didn’t think Father’s Day gifts were that much of a standard thing. Most I’ve ever done is a text and maybe taking him to dinner or golfing.
So a “happy father’s day” card if you need to get something
If you want to give a gift that’s simultaneously very thoughtful AND a very shitty gift: buy him a pair of knee pads. Refuse to elaborate on why you bought them.
Drugs from the darknet delivered anonymously.
A blank card.
Best thing though is what others said, nothing.
That sounds like a great gift though.
Put some bedbugs and fleas in his house.
I was trying to think of a way to trick him into planting bamboo in his yard, but those are good.
Bamboo? Why?
It can be highly invasive and destructive. That said, there are two types, clumpers and runners, runners are bad. Unless you’re a Panda.
The same tie you gave him last year.
What about a difficult plant to maintain? Maybe a cactus or something? So he has to make an effort keep it alive, or slowly watch it die, like the relationship he has with you
Hm… getting him more work, I love it.
A mimosa is excellent for this purpose. And it’s pretty too.
But then the plant would die :(
Any of these passive aggressive comments and in addition something for yourself. Because you deserve it.
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Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.
What’s his issue? Give him something tangential.
Big drinker? Cheapest bottle opener or a nip of his favorite sauce.
Angry asshole? Get him a therapy ball.
The biggest thing my condescending asshole stepdad taught me was “Kill them with kindness”. If you’re kind in a backhanded way, it’ll piss them off and you can feign innocence.
Personally I’d give him a box of dogshit
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Is it wrong to save your money and get nothing? Maybe a card with just your name?
I totally would but he’d throw a whole fit lol. Maybe for his birthday in a few months…
Ugly socks?
Honestly that’s kind of what I’m thinking. Then he has to store them, and he’d feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.
