EDIT: Thanks so much everyone. Great answers. This has been fun. Keep it going as long as you want!
DISCLAIMER: Silly Thought Exercise: NOT AN ENDORSEMENT OF REPLACING BIDEN. I personally do not think replacing Biden is a good idea at this stage in the election. I think that’s more dangerous than keeping him, sadly, but he’s who we’ve got. I’m just looking for shitposty thoughts on this question, please and thank you.
What-over-the-top absurd person would you choose to replace Biden who you think could actually body Trump, and why?
For an example, my choice would be based on the idea that the only thing that makes a bully like Trump wilt is a bigger bully. Secondly, US citizens love trash talking and sports and absolutely will vote for someone who is already famous, they certainly love their celebrities. Finally, what better sport for trash talk than basketball?
In that, my choice would be basketball legend Larry Bird. (he’s famously apolitical, so it’s hard to know if he would actually be politically aligned against Trump.)
…but, the thing is, Larry Bird is a masterclass trash talker.
And that is really what throws Trump off and throws him into obscene tantrums where his composure is lost and he comes off like a whining loser: when he’s been taken down a peg by someone else. Nothing sticks deeper in his craw. I don’t think he could handle Larry Bird’s level of shit-talk, Bird is like god-tier.
I can imagine Bird calling Trump out and saying he can smell his shit-filled diaper from across the auditorium, obviously Bird would describe more colorfully than I. The thing is, I can also see that absolutely throwing Trump into hysterics.
Also, at 67 Bird’s a fucking spring chicken compared to Biden or Trump.
So, I’m hoping for answers that are a bit silly, like this. Larry Bird is obviously not actually a good choice for this. I just like chuckling at the idea, because real life has gotten so absurd I need to hide in even deeper absurdity.
What’s your absurd Biden replacement? Please, I think we could use some laughs.
Idk why but Kelly Clarkson.
Dr. Jordan Peterson.
That tool is team Orange my dude.
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I do love the idea of seeing team trump trash talk Peterson because he isn’t a true believer anymore
Whatever happened to Whiplash? You know, that spider monkey that would dress up as a cowboy and ride around on a border collie at rodeos and in a few Taco John’s commercials. Put him in there. The border collie can be his running mate… (get it? get it?)
A Martha Stewart/Snoop Dogg ticket would be interesting. I kinda want to see Snoop in the debate though so maybe a Snoop Dogg/Martha Stewart ticket.
If you want to guarantee a win though Oprah is the answer. Just to maximize Trump’s rage I say we need Oprah/RuPaul 2024.
forget Martha Stewart – but Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson as heads of the DEA and FDA
Martha would throw biting sarcasm at him until he cried, and Snoop would just laugh his ass off. It would be wonderful.
Bill Burr or Jon Stewart, either one of them would absolutely crush Trump on a debate stage and people would line up to watch it.
I can almost hear Bill going “ohhh, shut the fuck up, ya fat ahrange piece a’ shit!”
While I think Jon Stewart would make a better president than either of those jackasses, that would be such a cruel thing to do to such a good person.
I don’t know that I want Jon Stewart as a POTUS, I just want him one on one with Trump and Trump isn’t allowed to leave or call off the debate. Jon Stewart is what the Founding Fathers meant the press to be. They wanted the press to be a 4th check on government outside the separation of powers and not a mouthpieces of the government.
Elon Musk! It’s time for him to take over USA. Like he did with Twitter. Let that sink in!
Twitter has died. That shitshow is called X now.
So now you do not chirp, you do xxx?
I’m gonna keep deadnaming his company for as long as he keeps deadnaming his kid
Amen.
eX-Twitter
The United States of America is now known as X.
Everyone will have to call it ‘the USA (now called X)’
Arnold Schwarzenegger. Or maybe Cyclops or Magneto if we’re allowed fictional characters. I think it would be funny
obligatory demolition man clip. https://invidious.perennialte.ch/watch?v=Awr2YhW3HEE
Haha nice
If we’re going fictional characters, then Havelock Vetinari from the Discworld novels.
Oh hell yes. Barely know anything about him (just started reading Guards, Guards!) but yes.
You’re in for a treat, my friend. I hope you love the book.
I’m loving it so far!
Trump would kill himself in a week. Vetinari wouldn’t even have to do anything except talk to his dog during the debate. Vetinari would even put through a request to the Assassins guild to make sure the price to beat was too high to have him assassinated. Just to make a point.
Hell yes. All Vetinari would have to do is raise an eyebrow.
I could see trump being anti mutant
Yeah
I’ll remind you that the “Allow For Arnie” campaign was a real thing.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal_Opportunity_to_Govern_Amendment
Oh wow. TIL
I was actually thinking about something similar today. We’ve already had an actor as president, then with Trump, we had a reality-TV star. Social media is the new “TV” for the younger generation, so it’s only a matter of time before we have an influencer or a YouTube creator as a candidate, right? Let’s see MrBeast go toe-to-toe with Trump.
Not even kidding, Mr.Beast would topple Trump way easy in elections; While he certainly is the type of person that knows to communicate with millions of people, I doubt he’s a person that wants to be president. Making crazy internet content and leading a country are two different things after all.
“I’m giving 10 people one million dollars if the can pass House Appropriations Bill 5031.662.7H!”
At least Marques if we have to select from that pool.
Linus Torvalds or Theo de Raadt
Theo de Raadt. You get a baby mulching machine. And you get a baby mulching machine. Everybody gets a baby mulching machine!
SpongeBob
It’s Vermin Supreme’s moment
I really, really want to see Jordan Klepper debate with interview Trump and not hold back at all.
The Rock. If you’re going to sink your ship at least do it with style.
Taylor Swift. Not that I think she’s absurd. I just think she’d have absolutely zero time for Trump’s bullshit, and would probably write some very cutting lyrics about it.
Let’s not pin cult leaders against each other now
Cult problems require cult solutions
Vermin Supreme, because every American deserves a pony
