For me to be comfortable with entering a long-term relationship with someone, they have to meet the following requirements:

1. Straight Edge: I want a partner who follows a straight edge lifestyle. They don’t have to identify with being straight edge as a label, but they must abstain from recreational drugs such as alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, psychedelics, etc. while intending to stay that way permanently. I have personal trauma with drug use in my family and even myself for a very brief period, so I don’t wish to be with someone who doesn’t have a principled rejection of drug use for themselves personally. I have no issue with coffee and prescriptions whatsoever, as the only reason why the sXe community ever tried to include such is a semantic concern. For instance, they might say something like “Well, they’re by definition technically drugs, so we should abstain from them to be logically consistent!”, but it’s silly to me because straight edge subculture came out of hardcore punk fans wanting to reject excesses in the scene, and problems with those excesses sure as hell weren’t from drinking coffee or taking medication.

2. Vegan: When I say vegan, I mean abolitionist-minded ethical vegan. This means no carnists, apologists, utilitarians, and people who are “doing it for health” or “doing it for the environment.”

3. Radical Leftist (Preferably Marxist): Anyone who identifies with any of the following terms: anarchist (excluding ancaps, anprims, etc.), communist, radical leftist, revolutionary socialist, and of course, Marxist, likely meets this requirement. I’m not fond of considering social democrats or any kind of liberal, but I possibly might consider a democratic socialist that is an actual socialist and not just someone who uses it as a synonym for socdem.

4. Non-Religious (Preferably Anti-Theist): I am an anti-theist, but I open the door for people who are atheist (without simultaneously identifying as anti-theist), agnostic, and irreligious/unlabeled/something like ignostic or apatheist. The gray area consists of people who identify with religious terms like Christian, Muslim, or Hindu for maybe cultural reasons but are non-practicing. It’s a gray area because I don’t know how truly comfortable they’d be with my anti-theism. The red area consists of people who actively practice a religion and those who might be “SBNR” or a new age kind of person.

5. Childfree: Out of all of them, this is the most black and white. They have to not have any children, not desire any children in the future, and they must be completely settled on it. I have this one so strict because it’s one that cannot be compromised on whatsoever. There basically is no middle ground between “wants kids” and “doesn’t want kids.” At that point, somebody would just have to comply with the other’s wishes and roll with it if they are to stay together, and that doesn’t sound pleasant at all.

I’d love a mask wearer too, but these are generally the 5 things I consider a part of my definitive list. I sound extremely picky, right? I know, and that’s why I have a few additional considerations I’ve thought out.

1. Overlap: These things overlap in the order I listed them, i.e. straight edge people have a higher chance of being vegan, vegans have a higher chance of being radical leftists, radical leftists have a higher chance of being non-religious, and non-religious people have a higher chance of being childfree. You can’t necessarily overlap all of them, though, in that you likely can’t easily say “non-religious people overlap with straight edge people” for instance.

2. Comfort in Being Single: My last relationship gave me a shit ton of comfort in being single. I was so deeply in love with her, and that all got shattered into the ground simply because I couldn’t reconcile our differences. Hell, some of our differences weren’t as big as you might think, but it still was a deal breaker for me regardless. For example, even though she was vegan, she was a far more utilitarian type and an apologist, and that alone was something I felt highly uncomfortable with, let alone dating a carnist. I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than loosen my standards, full stop.

3. Casual Stuff: I might be open to more casual encounters that aren’t intended to be long-term but more like a FWB kind of deal (volcel police, please stop monitoring me. Chill!) This person wouldn’t be a candidate for marriage or anything like that, but I’d be totally fine doing these kinds of things with people who do not meet all of my strict requirements to the degree I desire. However, I’m not a fan of one-night scenarios; I’d like some kind of emotional connection with this person, and I’d establish these boundaries with this person as soon as we agree upon it.

4. Conversions: Some people I’ve told this about have asked me “Would you be open to dating someone who you could convince to change to meet your requirements?” I’m not comfortable with this for the most part because of a few reasons: A) It makes me feel like I’m “manipulating” or “forcing” things, and that sounds very off-putting and just not fun, B) I’d be concerned about the genuineness of some people changing, e.g. I wouldn’t know if my partner would actually accept vegan ethics wholeheartedly and they might just see it as “appeasing” me, and C) It’d just be really damn hard in most instances. A lot of people are really hard to change, especially in the regards that I listed above.

• All this being said, the one caveat I will offer for conversions is that, even though I’m seemingly leaning in the direction of “no, I wouldn’t be fine with ‘converting’ someone like that,” I still think this could be case-by-case. Like, say, for example, if I meet someone who is a straight edge, anti-theistic, and childfree Marxist, but happens to be a lacto-ovo vegetarian who doesn’t understand why vegans oppose dairy and eggs. It’d be at least worth an effort. If we do end up being more than just friends, however, things will remain at the 3rd point of “Casual Stuff” unless they end up changing.

5. Love is Irrational: The last thing I want to acknowledge is that I’m wholeheartedly aware that love is hella irrational. I often develop pretty intense feelings for people who do not check even 3 of these boxes, let alone all 5. It creates a very rough battleground in my heart and mind, but ultimately I tend to let rationality lead the way with this stuff regardless, especially with what happened with my former partner. I literally have avoided pursuing relationships with people I was into simply because of the fact that I enforce this stuff very harshly.