Rudeness to cashiers, wait staff, housekeepers, children or elderly people. If you are mean or rude to these people I assume you think you matter more based on social standing, and can’t be bothered to even be polite. At that point I don’t care if you are nice to me.
Being rude to service staff. Immediate indicator on who they are as a person. There is zero reason to ever be mad at someone making near minimum wage whose job it is to grab you a drink or check you out or something. It also shows that they’ve themselves never worked service, which is a rite of passage
“Why should I tip?! I’m already paying for the service!”
Immediately leave without even telling them to take a cab.
Edit: 1, I am in the US, yes.
2: the wording sounded like it implied a behavior of a date while out dining. I was answering based on how I’d respond if a prospective mate treated underpaid US staff shitty.
Happens to be true in all modern western countries though, only the US seems unable to force companies to pay a livable minimum wage.
If I am ordering and picking up at a counter fuck tipping. If I’m actually being waited on then I’ll always tip if the service wasn’t dogshit.
I tip in those situations because the $5 won’t make a difference to me, but might to them.
Like, if you’re broke, whatever. But some people are pulling in seven figures annually and still whine about a $5 tip.
That is specifically a US problem.
Not necessarily. I’m not in the US, but we’ve imported a lot of their less savoury customs, and tipping culture is one of them. It is costumary to tip 18% where I’m from.
Certain accents. She can be gorgeous and all, but some accents are an immediate turnoff for me…
Now we need to know which ones.
I’m gonna bet bri’ish
I’m German. Foreign accents (I.e. some foreigner speaking German) are either funny or cute to me. If I feel neither, that’s probably because I need to concentrate to understand. In German accents, a Bavarian accent, a Saxon or a Frisian one turn me off.
In (to me) foreign languages, I don’t care, meaning that I’m just as fine with „Oi com frum Birmingham“ as with a posh Oxford accent. Also the southern French accent is fine with me, as well as the northwestern one. I’m also fine with Breton, but that’s a language, not an accent. And I don’t understand the latter very well anyway, let alone speak fluently.
🚨 Eurocentrism incoming 🚨
What accents in specific?
Not OP, but I’d find Liverpudlian and the Birmingham accent difficult to live with.
The ones associated with poverty are the usual ones that catch crap. Regional or recent immigrant.
Maybe this person is going to surprise me and just finds Australian or Parisian French grating personally, though.
Not OP, but I kinda agree. Around where I’m at, posh accents are really annoying.
Immediately self describing without you asking.
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drinks/imbibes beyond group vibes.
How about drinking while cooking? Yk, having wine while cooking steak au jus or something.
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Hm, yeah that’s more than reasonable.
Drinks/imbibes beyond group vibes.
Man, I have a couple friends that have this exact problem and it’s tiresome…
Might be picky but if they don’t return their shopping carts or just leaves it in a parking spot
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That already happened to him in Texas hahaha
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Probably. That would be wrong, though. If you’re really sure you want to leave the cart right there just ignore them.
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Ah, and then you go to jail, where you can put your epic tacticool alpha-wolf skills to the ultimate test! Shit fury on them! They’re dead kiddo! /s
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What an excellent understanding of stand your ground laws. /s
Unfortunately no amount of bait will allow you to shoot me through the keyboard.
Unaware status-seeking behavior. Almost everyone does it.
More common in urban and younger environments
Absolutely false. It’s a universal truth of our species to seek status, everyone does it.
Your statement itself is essentially an attempt to gain more status. You’re likely not part of “urban” and “younger” environments, thus “badmouthing” them raises your status comparatively.
My telling you this is an attempt to sound intelligent, which raises my own status.
Well you failed.
Yes! It’s crazy how noticeable it is when I’m in the city, rather than out here in the boonies with all the geezers. Why do you do that, fellow youngs?
I’ve half a theory it’s a new boomer generation and these things are cyclical, you get a boomer one every third. 70 years back from 20 years old today you find the Boomers. 70 years back from Millennials you find the dirty 30s. 70 back from the eighties you find the flappers.
… Doesn’t that include every generation, calculated that way?
I’m skeptical it’s generational. People just chill out in that way as they age. And not to say the geezers are totally nice either, they just don’t do active dick measuring anymore. They know who’s in the club, and that I’m not, and will throw me a bone out of good manners anyway.
Idk man. The young ones today are self centered and narcissistic as hell.
Explain?
Humans are all about resources (look at how everyone wants to make more money). Status effectively means access to (human) resources. When you have status, you can tell someone what to do or think and they’ll do it or believe you. When someone does something for you or believes what you tell them, you don’t only have access to your own resources, you effectively have access to their resources as well, so in the end, status is more important than having resources yourself.
The managers/bosses in a company have status. The musicians in a band playing at a pub have status. The pastor at the church has status. The millionaire has status. The politician has status. The teacher at a dance class has status.
These are easy examples. But there are a myriad more, especially more “sneaky” ones. Status doesn’t have to be obvious/institutionalized like the examples above, status is part of every single human interaction.
The “popular friend” has status. For example, they might organize gatherings that people actually come to. If another one of the friend group, that has less status, tried that, less or no people might come. I’m sure you noticed something similar.
Or some gossipy/overly friendly person in the office has status. They make little friends everywhere, give people small meaningless gifts, pay attention what’s happening and offer people information (also a resource) for free. If they suddenly start badmouthing someone (even if that person has not deserved it and only angered them for some trivial reason), they might cause the badmouthed person lots of trouble through reducing their status.
Of course, status-seeking behavior is not necessarily bad. A philanthropic, intelligent, always (actually) being nice person also gathers status. People like them, they say true things that help people, which gives them status. They give people favors, like inviting them for food, which also gives them status. And so on.
As you can see, status-seeking behavior is literally everywhere. Our psyche is built to seek more status and it’s one of our main drivers in life. For example, if you want to get good at playing an instrument, your driving force behind that desire is seeking the status that comes with it. You might say it “is just fun”, but what is fun but a motivational force of your psyche to make you do something? Fun things are fun because doing those things gave an advantage in an evolutionary context. The status that comes with getting good at an instrument and being able to make other people feel good through music is the ultimate “goal” of your evolved behavior.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere. And almost everyone is completely unaware of it. I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you, I give you a “smart” explanation demonstrating my knowledge that thus makes me look intelligent. There is no direct advantage to me explaining anything to you. It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That’s an unnervingly cold, reductionist, cynical take.
What’s your alternative?
“My” alternative is to not treat every human interaction as transactional maneuvering to curry favor. It’s an incredibly strange commodification of immaterial concepts that rejects or ignores the complexity and nuance of human emotions and motivations. It’s simply an inadequate theory.
Well can you at least please tell me some examples of alternate motivations that governs our behavior?
It’s hard to answer your request because, you see, your statement is like saying: “Everything is just atoms, so everything is basically the same”, it is “reductionist” of higher values, which even atheists have, but the statement itself cannot be denied, nor replaced with an alternative.
Edit: I read your other replies, and you seem to not need this one, to ignore it.
Good response. Though it was a bit wordy.
I know what status means, but I didn’t realise what status-seeking behaviour could be referring to, since it was vague. I know you tried to reduce your response to a level that everyone could understand, but that was unnecessary. People have the internet now.
For future reference you could try defining status in a single sentence, which allows people to look it up in a search engine or dictionary without room for confusion/vagueness.
I myself am essentially looking for status right now by explaining this to you
That’s not true. You’re taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with. I’ve made the same mistake before. Of course, your original thought isn’t completely wrong, but you stretched it to almost irrelevant (but not unrelated) levels.
So yeah, once you understand this, you actually see status-seeking behavior everywhere.
No, I’m afraid I don’t. What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some. Calling it status seeking is a misuse of the term and gross reduction of the behaviour’s quirks.
Perhaps a better term would be power-hungry person. But maybe that’s not the intent of your thought.
It makes me feel good to share my knowledge, which is why I do it. It feels good because demonstrating knowledge/intelligence raises my status.
That all may fall apart when you realise your knowledge is biased too much towards a single concept. Or too narrow minded.
Note: No insult intended, no sarcasm inserted.
- an imperfect human
The abused want freedom from abusers. The enslaved want freedom from the slavers. The poor want sustenance from the rich. The not-poor want greater quality in their life.
None of that is status seeking, unless you twist the meaning. It’s hurtful to call it that.
Would materialism or consumerism, then, be the turn-off? Making more of “possessing” than “being” or “doing” is a real turn-off for me.
And, materialism/consumerism is — truly — promoted everywhere.
True.
You’re taking one thought and extending it to try to interpret all of human society with.
That’s absolutely not true. I’m saying that status-seeking is a part of almost all of our unconscious decision-making processes, not that it’s the sole part of our decision-making process. A part != Interpret all with it. Of course there’s other parts, like you say, survival.
I can not convey all my knowledge and thoughts in a single comment. Even though I tried to shorten it, you still find too long. The “it’s only a part” I found obvious, thus I didn’t stretch it, but you would have needed it to be included. You personally didn’t need the other parts that you found too long. It’s basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don’t know each other’s knowledge base. It’s even more impossible in a forum-style format, where one comment is read by potentially every human on Earth, each of which have vastly different knowledge bases. What is obvious/superfluous for one is not for someone else.
What you call status seeking can be called survival in some cases, enjoyment in some, and a waste of resources in some.
Do all these things not play together? Isn’t having status a way to survive better? Aren’t the activities that are enjoyable also the ones that allows us to survive (in a non-modern, ancestral world context in which we evolved)? Isn’t having status enjoyable for most?
I feel that you’re 70% on the mark but then why is it a turn-off for you, as you said in your original message?
Part of the 30%:
Status seeking behaviour has many justifications i.e. that it helps smoothen human interaction, to say the least. So why is it a turn-off for you?
I don’t think it helps “smoothen” interaction at all. Of course it depends on the exact situation, like I already described, if it’s about helping other people or not affecting anyone negatively, it’s completely fine.
But for one example, an unaware status-seeking behavior I see very often is having an Instagram account and posting pictures of their life, in an attempt to gain followers. This could not affect anyone negatively… but 99% of the time, it is, because they interrupt moments that should be enjoyed by being present within the moment with trying to get the perfect picture to show to other people what amazing moments they are experiencing.
The “unaware” was as much of a part of the turn-off as the “status-seeking”, maybe even more so. I think if you’re aware of your status-seeking behavior, you’re able to find much better ways to apply it than if you’re unaware of it.
It’s basically impossible to know what you need to talk about when explaining something without a conversation, because we don’t know each other’s knowledge base.
Okay, but in this case “status” was a basic word while the “it’s only a part” was something deeply specific to this conversation. It’s not fair to compare the two.
Someone that takes abstract statements personally and responds in anger. It shows a lack of self awareness and depth. It also implies that they have a limited binary view of the world around them; a bipolar me versus others perspective outlook.
Status quo defender
I’ll have you know, Rockin’ All Over the World is a fine song.
Whatever you want…
I like it…
Whimsical, fame-seeking change maker.
fame-seeking
I agree there, lol. I’m not into people who are doing what they do for the fame.
I do all my activism on the sly. Publicly, I’m a status quo defender.
More this for me. I deal with activist drama enough just doing activist stuff.
Lemmy.ml mod /s
+1 to being rude to service staff Also MAGA apparel or citing Jesus/God constantly
Can I interest you in this Chick Tract?
/s
It depends. I run a bar and also frequent bars. I see a lot of behavior from wait staff I’d fire them for. Wait staff endlessly bitch about customers but its a two way street, staff develops a blind spot to their own behavior due to spending so much time in a bar.
Bro they are working in a high intensity environment. You are there to have fun. They are talking behind your back. (So how does that affect you?) Versus actively being a jerk to someone just doing their job (which is, unfortunately, to engage with you). It’s not the same.
Are you really trying to explain running a bar to me? Anyways your answer is horseshit. I work in that high intensity environment and see the blinders go on. Innocuous requests by customers turn into staff acting like it’s a massive imposition. They openly talk to me because they’ve been at my bar, served by me, and I know who’s I’d hire and I wouldn’t from the free talk.
Cool story bro.
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being mean to animals, not washing hands habitually, littering, leaving the shopping cart out, buzz cut / crew cut and variations thereof (for dudes, some chicks can rock it), having no weird behaviors at all. refusal to be emotionally honest (oh no, its me i’m sorry)
Buzz cut for me screams “I’m an NPC and I have no personality.” At least that’s the first impression it passes to me.
Eh, some of us are just balding and it’s the least bad option.
I guess. Though if I ever start balding I plan on going full on egg bald, it looks better to me.
If you’ve got the head shape to pull it off, go for it. You don’t really know until you try it. I tried…
I’m gonna find out soon enough, and I’m worried. I already know I have a couple small bumps on my head (they feel like pimples/ingrown hairs, but I’ve tried squeezing them to no avail), and I’m almost positive my head is shaped differently than normal.
To me, it looks more like social camoflauge. “I’m just a normal guy, i have normal opinions, trust me bro” is the vibe I get. I get putting it on for things like work, but if you decide to blend in as your preferred look, ehh, i dunno, maybe I’d rather hang out with the bear, you know?
i’m probably in the minority w this, but blending in is comfortable as hell, as someone who doesn’t really enjoy being social.
Long after the pandemic was under control I was still using a mask, partly due to health concerns back home, but mostly because with a mask, cap, and glasses, I could walk by people I know but would rather not strike up conversation.
It’s a fucking haircut. You sure are reading a lot into a person based on their haircut.
Buzz cut to me screams “I have so much social anxiety, have been bullied so badly, that I don’t trust a barber to give me a good haircut”
I just like my hair short and not in my face. :(
right? i mean, i’m balding and i find the alternative of growing the little hair i have left far more unpleasant than just having a buzz cut. but hey, that’s just preferences.
I’m glad you think so, honestly, but most people don’t give a shit about being mean to animals. That’s a hard one to find a like-minded person on.
Fr? Maybe it is just the people I hang out with but I dont know anyone who is outwardly mean to animals. Atleast I haven’t seen it
It depends on whether you think the existence of livestock is ‘mean to animals.’
Ah, in that case everyone I know is cruel. I suppose what I meant was that no one I know is cruel beyond the societal standards.
I would use the same definition as you, but that’s the only definition I can think of that would leave one thinking many people engage in animal cruelty. Unless your entire circle of friends is an illegal dogfighting ring.
I firmly believe that love should be color blind, which is why I never see any red flags.
Far right or far left. Both obnoxious. How hard is it to do what’s right for people and not have to be on either end of a fucking seesaw?
What if an opinion held on the far end of the spectrum is what is actually right for people? Do you dismiss it because of being on the end of the fucking seesaw?
Obviously. Im just not dumb enough to put myself in a box.
Some of us have held our political opinions since before 2016. We’re much more bearable, even those of us on the far left. I firmly believe people need to go through an obnoxious political phase. It’s just way more normal to go through it in high school/college. But will it be just a phase when people are going through it in their adulthood? I dunno. But I guess we’ll have to find out the hard way.
I was so apathetic in my early voting years, so I guess I’m doing my weird political thing in mid-life.
I mean, it’s great that people are getting more involved and aware. But I think the combination of the explosion of political awareness with the current state of discourse thanks to social media/the devolution of the right into petty, bald-faced, reactionary rage (some of you may not have been around for this, but the right used to have a mask over their petty reactionary rage) has made for a noxious cocktail of nothing of value ever being discussed.
Now, was it more frustrating when they were less open about their intentions? Sure. Because it felt like shouting at a wall. And it was more “boring” to be politically aware. But under those wraps we had the patriot act, PNAC, intelligent neocons playing politics way more competently, and a serious problem with somehow even less conscientious democrats.
But now we have companies operating blanket eavesdropping via apps/home aid/LLMs (and the patriot act is still hanging around), project REDMAP/Project 2025, less than intelligent far right lunatics not understanding how to play politics, and democrats playing conscientious for appearances while still being, at best, useless neoliberals and at worst, reactionaries themselves.
Things have changed, and not for the better. Add on top of that discourse deteriorating into nonsense while everyone throws their hat in the mix with their uninformed opinions…it’s a depressing landscape. So, I don’t know if people can grow out of that obnoxious, I’ll-informed political stage because that’s just politics now.
Definitely a skewed signal to noise ratio, which at this point feels intentional. Politics felt far more boring in the before-fore, but I think most of that was me not paying close enough attention.
I had a casual conversation with ChatGPT a while back about how this level of political division is unprecedented in the country (I guess I conveniently forgot about the civil war during this), and the response was basically “Everybody says that in every era,” so I wonder if I just have too narrow a focus. I should look into that…
