I’m not a very angry person, I don’t really have it in me to be genuinely pissed most of the time. Sometimes I’ll get irritated, and I can usually kinda DBT my way through it, but honestly I’m really pissed at my ex. The more I think about everything horrible she did and continues doing, the more I kinda spiral into being pissed and it’s not helping me at all but I don’t really know how to decompress all of it. I’m rightfully pissed, she did some truly nuclear shit I’d need content warnings for, and having that anger is healthy at some level. But like I said, I need to get my mind off this shit so I don’t become a bitter divorced dad lol
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Depends on the situation. Sometimes I vent to people I trust. Sometimes I get pretty passive aggressive.if I get angry enough I start crying.
I get so intensely pulled into hobbies that it’s hard to focus on anything else, so working on some hobby project is usually a good way for me to forget about shitty things and shitty people. Anime and/or weed can also be effective for that purpose. Oh also, my dog can sense when I’m upset and will do her best to comfort me, so that helps quite a bit too.
Buddhism has good advice on this.
Or read Ch.7 of this, it’s about 50 pages: https://archive.org/details/feeling-good-the-new-mood-therapy/page/n17/mode/1up
Yeah OP if DBT helps, give buddhism a try.
DBT is basically just buddhism secularized.
smoke ouid
I did some therapy for anger issues, and one thing I realized is that anger, for me at least, is an emotion that feels safer and more powerful to experience than what I’m actually feeling. Hurt, insecurity, sadness. It helped me to get into the habit, when I’m getting angry, to ask myself if there’s another feeling that I am masking with anger.
Felt the same way after breaking up with ex. I just had to sit it out I guess. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep because of the feeling and distracting myself was difficult. After half a year of talking about it with friends and just thinking about it and trying to figure out what exactly made my ex do the shitty things he did I kind of accepted that he’s a bad person but not worth as much of my time.
I don’t think there’s a magical way to suddenly not be angry anymore, you just have to go through it for a while.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with that though.
Do you have someone you can vent to about it? Sometimes that helps.
It sorta depends on the scale of the anger, for me.
If it’s momentary, reading a book or doing drugs that make me largely incapable of violence (non-alcohol downers, muscle relaxants, etc.). Drugs can be a bit of a trap though, being too reliant on them to manage emotions is dangerous.
If it’s long term, therapy is where it’s at. It’s also good to find something useful to direct your anger towards.
I think it’s helpful to have a healthy outlet for it. I have relationships where we can vent and get it out, and it feels better just releasing it. Not every friend and romantic partner is good for this, so you gotta choose the right person. Venting on Hexbear is also free, if you gotta do that, then it’s OK.
Some people find journaling helpful. If you can afford it, you can do therapy, it did help me to vent my bs.
I think it’s absolutely fine to need to complain about shit that happened to you in the past. It’s really hard to let go if you’re stuck in the “I’m not allowed to discuss this feeling in my head” process that a lot of people can get trapped in due to their circumstances. Like not everyone has the social or financial resources. Honestly, I didn’t until quite recently.
If you want to complain about your ex in this thread, I’m cool with it. I needed to spend 100+ hours complaining about my ex to get over her, and I wouldn’t even consider her abusive or anything.
cope and seethe quietly
I don’t really deal with it. I just scream into the void or pillow until i become tired and sleep
void gang,
rise uplay down(same, btw)
Going into the woods near my house and screaming my lungs out into a backpack seems to help
Being humbled by God after making reckless decisions due to self pity as well
During a hard period of time for me when I was also rightfully angry about some fucked up family shit, it really helped to just sit down with my guitar and vent all my anger by playing music, and now the hard times have become better but the guitar skills stay
It’s not for everyone definitely, but any hobby will probably help to redirect that anger instead of going through the events over and over again in your head
Time heals a lot of wounds.
acclimating to pain isn’t healing.
No but objects in the rear view mirror appear larger than they really are.
Perspective comes with time and perspective can change everything.
Healing is a process and it takes time to do its work. Having the heat of recent emotions fade can put them into perspective and make them easier to understand and process. It’s very difficult or even counterproductive to try and process something when you’re in the heat of anger or otherwise inflamed about it.
I think it helps to forgive yourself for your mistakes and shortcomings. Forgiveness in the sense of coming to an understanding that you are not perfect or omniscient, and that you can and should still lead a life of meaning and happiness outside of the past grievances, or understanding that you should, because of them.
Your ex, your abusive parent, sibling, boss, or friend have come and gone and the scars and wounds are remnants of those times but they don’t define you. Forgiving yourself is understanding that you define who you are, and you can choose what you can be. It sounds cliche, but as anyone who has suffered can tell you, anger itself is also just enervating.
There has to be a life beyond a past grievance, fantasy of retribution. Or else you’ll be doomed to repeat those mistakes and relive those feelings, because your minds unconscious way of reproducing the traumas in order to overcome them this time around will just remain on loop.
Resentment and anger isn’t worthwhile. It isn’t cathartic. It isn’t vindicating.
What it is, is torture. Forgiveness isn’t absolution but transcendence of the pain. So let it go.
