I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
It’s funny you say that. However it’s a Fox News person that’s asking for this.
They’re too stupid to know that proving something like fucking a couch didn’t happen is impossible. They think that lack of video evidence will prove it, but they’re just jagwagons.
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Harris also has the skull shape of a Marxist! And the fact that she’s a girl will make all the other manly nations call us Sissies!
Any hacker group willing to recreate that one Black Mirror episode but with a couch instead of a pig?
Why are these people so fking creepy weird?
Well if politics doesn’t work out for JD there is always OnlyFans
OnlyFutons
I’m sorry… I’m way outta the loop on this one.
Someone explain?
Vance fucked a couch
(It was a joke someone made. I think it was originally amplified when AP decided to “fact check” what was clearly an internet joke)
Edit: https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/jd-vance-couch-memes-associated-press
AP pulled the fact check at one point
This is extremely simplistic and reductive, but essentially, after JD Vance was named Trump’s VP, someone made a shit post saying ‘Wow, I can’t believe he said he had sex with a couch, that’s wild’. To their slight credit, the same person commented like an hour later admiting it was all a lie (they just posted the Arthur meme of “You think someone would do that? Go on the internet and tell lies?”), but that didn’t really matter and it got shared around a lot, mostly by people who knew it was fake news but still thought it was funny anyway.
Later that week, AP News did a fact check on it (because, sadly, they have to do A LOT of false-fact debunking) and they essentially said “JD Vance did not have sex with a couch”. HOWEVER, they have an internal policy that says their fact-checks must say only the truth, even if they have to be extremely specific in their wording. Since they originally said “No, he has never had sex with a couch” but, technically speaking, unless they’ve been spying on him for his entire life, there’s no way to actually PROVE that, so they had to take it down. Lots of people saw it get taken down and jumped on that fact as a ‘Well, then he must have done it, obviously’ and the memes continued.
Fast forward to today, and some FOX host who probably still uses Yahoo as their search engine and has no connection with meme culture is demanding the video proof that they presume to exist despite no one EVER saying that there’s proof.
Hope that answered most of your questions
Edit: slightly wording fix
My favorite part was that Vance, supposedly, wrote about it in Hillbilly Elegy. Reading the book would easily solve the issue once and for all, but no one wanted to.
It’s also why the AP article was retracted. They could obviously prove that it’s not in the book, but like you said, it would be impossible to prove that he never, at any point in his life, when no one was around, fucked a couch.
…but also, the AP article didn’t even involve reading the book. They just used Ctrl+F on key terms because, again, no one wants to actually read that book.
Is yahoo search even a thing still? I used it like a week ago and it said powered by Bing. I wouldn’t be surprised if they took down their search engine and just use a version of Bing instead of an amalgamation.
Yahoo search was killed years ago by the guy that now runs Google search.
This should be the most insane sentence in the thread, except that we’re in a thread about a vice presidential candidate possibly fucking a couch.
There’s only one way out. The VP candidate now needs to prove beyond all reasonable doubt that he has never fucked a couch.
tl;dr version: the left has learned to meme
And right is weird
I didn’t even know it was a story until I read about the retraction. Like, “What do you mean they retracted their story saying he didn’t tuck a couch…? Does that mean…?”
There’s a lot to unpack in that statement:
“We don’t buy the hoaxes and believe the hype anymore,” he continued.
Yeah, Fox sells them, not buys them. Get your facts straight.
“Our eyes are wide open.
Uh-oh. That sounds pretty woke to me.
And if you’re gonna accuse someone of having sex with a couch, you better have video.” He then brought on a guest to discuss whether Harris has a chance at winning the election in November without further explaining his request for the video.
Yes, because you want to see it…for totally normal reasons.
“Absolutely revolting claim! And where’s the proof? The video? I need to see that horrible, disgusting video before I believe these claims! Show me-I mean us the video!”
I mean… they can’t possibly miss the joke, can they? It fucking racks my brain, the density of these fuckwits sometimes. The whole reason this is still a thing is because they’re saying shit like, ‘If you accuse some of X, you’d better have proof.’
Weird people
AGOPAW All GOP Are Weird
Does word weird equal cringe?
It can mean cringe but it’s more similar to the word strange and can be good or bad depending on context. Someone who learns Elvish and wears clothes from the 1920s could be considered weird but interesting. Republicans are the kind of weird that makes you feel uncomfortable around them. “Why are they so concerned about what my children are wearing?” Kind of weird
Yes, and I feel like the Republicans as you describe them would aptly be called “creepy.”
And I think “cringe” is often a feeling of second-hand embarrassment.
“Weird” and “strange” are more general and synonymous with “unusual” and “peculiar.”
None of that is in disagreement with your take, though
If one of my kids started speaking knife ear I’d be concern too.
Way to be racist towards people who aren’t even real 🤦
Having a grudge against Elves is a part of my race.
And which race would that be? The New York Marathon? Le Mans 24h? Liege-Bastogne-Liege? 😛
Sofa king weird.
Finally we’ve found a use for AI.
All you gotta do is ignore it and it becomes a weird little internet thing. And here we are lol
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it? Bonus points if he refers to the couch as Flipper while borking it.
“Guess we know why they call it a blow hole now, don’t we you stupid fucking cetacean”
Put that shit up on a screen like what happened to the old and wrinkled Italian regime. Tifa up there screaming, giving heart attacks to poor old men, that scene was so obscene.
Now imagine the travesty, bunch of out the closet conservatives projecting their desires, watching what transpires as JD Vance has a relationship with an entire set. They’re the ones that must bear witness to that.
Ai might be useful afterall
Anyone else hoping that a video surfaces just so we can make the conservatives watch it?
The new Rick Roll is inserting footage of JD Vance fucking a couch in between scenes of Hunter Biden fucking a prostitute.
Once Republicans regain power, these will be the only two legal forms of pornography.
Double bonus if he shames and belittles the couch for not getting pregnant, and says if it were up to him, it would not be allowed to vote
For science!
I just want to know if the couch consented…has anyone been able to verify? I hope so :(
We’ll never know until we get the video!
Rules potentially invoked… 34, 35, … 49…
Well, we do live in the age of AI generated deepfake videos, don’t we? We could feed Jesse Watters’ unnatural curiosity, couldn’t we?
Hi!👋 me again, don’t forget to:
Print photos of different couches or dolphins and mail them to any or all of these locations:
https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/
Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”
And, remember kids, drink your Ovaltine!
Hey, I like you. Keep up the good work!
Thank you! It is much appreciated.
