I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.

I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.

But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?

During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.

  • BarqsHasBite
    159•9 months ago

    Hope she washed it off well before putting it back in the fridge. So I doubt the post is real. As for the rest I’ll have to leave it to women to answer. But if you ever find your cucumber in the garbage, just leave it there.

  • @[email protected]
    11•9 months ago

    Teenagers do stupid shit. So while it’s not something everyone does, it absolutely happens. No it’s not something anyone should seriously try. You cannot effectively clean a vegetable and it can break, requiring embarrassing medical attention.

    And yes, one of the reasons for an allowance is because teenagers need some agency and privacy to become normal healthy adults. If they want to explore their sexuality alone it’s perfectly natural.

  • Dharma Curious (he/him)
    9•9 months ago

    Anything even remotely phallic shaped and sized has probably been used like that by someone. Depends on how horny you are, both in the moment, and as a person in general. I’m a guy, but during puberty, when I was exploring masturbation and bottoming, lemme tell you, nothing was safe from getting fucked or fucking me.

    I wouldn’t be overly concerned about your produce, though. Most folks would toss it afterwards. If you notice your cucumbers or bananas going missing, then it might be cause for concern. But honestly, if your kids are at that age, and you’re genuinely concerned they’re doing something that might cause harm, the bigger concern is a lack of information about safe sex. A no questions asked Amazon gift card is one idea, but I’d recommend finding a good book or website you trust with sex Ed info, including safe solo sex practices, and an agreement that packages that come in their name aren’t to be opened by anyone else. In my experience, parents who trust their kids and don’t snoop or invade their privacy have way less to worry about from their kids than the parents who toss their rooms. My friends with the strictest parents had great hiding spots, I never even tried to find any. Didn’t need to hide anything, and as embarrassing as it would have been had I gotten a cucumber stuck up there or something, I would have been able to tell my mom and get a ride to the ER. If your kids seriously don’t trust you not to freak out, they could end up literally dying because the embarrassment would be worse than not dealing with a medical issue.

    • spicy pancakeEnglish
      38•9 months ago

      yeah it’s wild. every time i open Lemmy any internet application I turn into a guy? it’s very handy when the women’s bathroom line is too long

      • @[email protected]
        14•9 months ago

        yes, that is the transgender agenda, we switch genders each time we open lemmy and use blahaj plushies to stabilize, don’t blow our cover like that in public though jesus christ

        • @[email protected]English
          2•9 months ago

          we are a tech company. we had several floors in two near but separate buildings. we had as many toilets for woman as we had for men. basically each floor had one for woman and one for men which had a pissoir too. as we had > 90% men, mens toilets always had a waiting line after lunch time (not for the pissoir, however). on one floor the only woman was a trainee who (normal here) often had to go to school for 3weeks in a row, that was when men just used womens toilet as there was no woman to use it on the floor and the other woman on the other floor of that building literally had her very own toilet to share with no one. (rest of all the woman happened to work in the other building)

          then the company started to build its own building to leave the rental situation and at the same time to better longterm meet some necessarities that come along with the market niche that the company serves. (there are some laws regulating some physical aspects of the building for our services.)

          one if the promises was, that the “toilet situation” would be improved with the new building.

          the new building then had larger toilets on each floor. the space was then used to still have one toilet for men, but now there were two pissoirs! and two large sinks just for washing hands. yay! womens bathroom now have 3 toilets on each floor each and also the large sinks too. same amount of toilets for 90% of empleyee, the 10% have now triple number toilets they had before and double the space for washing, using mirror etc.

          The woman basically gets her own.

          exactly, and when men don’t have enough toilets, women actually gets build more of them to “statistically” solve the problem !! 🤣

      • idunnololz
        5•9 months ago

        Technically the original statement could still be true. We now know there is a woman here but not women. \s

  • @[email protected]English
    71•9 months ago

    During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?

    🤣

  • @[email protected]
    42•9 months ago

    It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:

    That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.

  • @[email protected]
    31•9 months ago

    Veggies are certainly not unheard of, but everyone is different. Your wife and friend may be serious, or not, but some people totally fuck vegetables.

    • @[email protected]
      17•9 months ago

      When i was in the early weeks of getting freaky with my now wife we were at her place making out and I picked up the TV remote and asked if she’d ever used it as a dildo and she blushed a little and said yes.