I did a summer contract in forestry, up north, in the mountains, middle of nowhere. We had to get into an area that was beyond a pipeline blockade - meaning a group of indigenous leaders were blocking a pipeline from being built on their land.

The higher ups negotiated with them while we spent days off gaining bad reputations in town.

When we were allowed through, they welcomed us individually and explained their reasons for being cautious. They told us that people dressed as (or actually were) cops tried to convince them they were on public land and force them to leave, they had people pretending to be blockade protesters who came in and tried to burn down their buildings, they had people blow up their signs, they had helicopters drop off equipment and workers beyond the blockade in the night. Taking all this with a heavy pinch of salt, we got through to work.

Not an hour after we started, black goddamn helicopters showed up. About ten of them. They hung out all the first day, there were fewer the second and only one for the next two. And they were low, I could feel the wind from the rotors at times.

I don’t know why. We discussed it over plenty of drinks without coming to any good conclusions. I don’t know if they thought we were with the blockade and wanted to intimidate us, or why the pipeline people didn’t talk to the forestry people to figure out we were just labourers. As it turns out that kind of thing does happen in real life.

A bunch of us took big shits in the open where they could watch.

I was walking through the city, watched as a man in a suit in front of me (I was walking behind him for a couple of blocks) picked up a briefcase beside a newsstand and got in the passenger seat of a waiting black car which drove off.

I’m in a spy movie, I guess.

Lots of weird sex stuff

Been in several car accidents. Rolled a car down a hill. Was hit by a car and went over the bonnet, roof and landed on my feet behind the car bruised but OK.
Got run over by another car dislocated my knee and my heel burst open, the lady in the car gave me about 20 chocolate penguin biscuits for the shock, then I got on a bus and went to my mates house for a joint.
Done illigal bridge swings off of railway bridges and damns and abseiled away from the cops.
Climbed onto the roof of a moving steam train dressed as Indiana Jones walked along the carridge then climbed back in through a window, scaring the crap out of the people in there.
Then met the girl of my dreams, had kids settled down (a little) and lived happily ever after.

The most movie-like event for me was when I got a job working on a cruise ship and they sent me and a bunch of other people out to Baltimore for training. When I got there, my luggage never came down the coral thing and I ended up missing the bus to the training facility. A couple others had the same issue and the company had us stay at a hotel nearby the airport for the night. It was me, another guy who was gay, and two girls. We all had dinner together and then went to our single room and the girls were arguing over who’s tits were better because one had implants and the other didn’t. So they asked our opinion and had us feel them up at the same time to compare.

I honestly couldn’t tell the difference. They were both awesome.

Was in an expressway pileup and man you sense of time just does go wack. I had somewhat the effect when I was young and we used to walk on the train tracks and we turned around to see a train coming and it seemed like it was ontop of us and we literally lept to the side and actually it was pretty far away we were just surprised by it. got all dirty and scratched up for nothing. Had time to get up and look and see it was a way aways and wait for it. Okay the last thing was not preciesly a movie thing but im just talking about wierd time perception things they sorta immitate with slow motion and such.

Had an emotionally painful, self-esteem crushing experience at the hands of a high school girl that left me bitter and angry. Reconnected with her 15 years later and set about trying to hurt her the way I hurt. Wound up falling in love and getting married.

That’s some Hollywood bullshit right there but we’ve been married going on 15 years.

Kind of a lame example that depending on who you are may make you go, “Uhh… yeah? Duh?” but…

Y’know how Hollywood has been using the same library of stock sounds for like half a century? Wilhelm scream tier stuff? Like, if I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard one of those stock baby noises, or that ape screeching, you know the ones, I’d have a good chunk of change by now.

And if you ever encounter real world examples of some of these things, they never sound quite like those recordings. This is in large part because Hollywood loves pairing sounds of specific creatures or objects with footage of completely different creatures or objects that in reality sound nothing like that (e.g. no, bald eagles do not make that noise at all). So these sounds become reified in your head as “the sounds fake shit in movies make”. The acoustic equivalent of what fruit flavored candies are to actual fruits. Does that make sense?

All this to say, it’s really disorienting when you encounter things in the real world that actually make these noises. Particularly if you aren’t regularly used to being around them.

For me in particular, it’s roosters and horses. My mind is conditioned to assume that the stock noises for these creatures I hear in films and the like are, I dunno, extremely cherry-picked noises from some specific breed or species of the animal that aren’t the ones I’d commonly find around me. Not the case! They really do sound like that! To a spookily accurate degree, too. Being around them feels like someone is pranking me with a soundboard, I almost can’t believe it’s real.

It’s a bit depressing that sound design of film has disillusioned me to the point I’m shocked to hear that roosters in real life actually sound like roosters in movies and on TV, but nonetheless here we are.

We snatched a few Neighborhood Crime Watch signs from our rural neighborhood.

If anyone happens to have a recording from 1998 of when the Daily Show came out to rural PA and interviewed the state troopers and crime watch committee about it, we’ve been trying to find that recording for years. It was definitely during the Craig Kilborn years and I believe Steve Colbert was the field reporter who did the segment, but I’m not sure, because all those Daily show guys looked the same to me back before they got famous.

Jay Leno also did a Headlines bit on it, but that’s not nearly as fun.

My ex wife was going to quit her job. She had the papers printed in her purse, the conversation ongoing in her head. She is the right-hand of the boss, keeping the company afloat and they have a friendly relationship, like knowing each others family around Christmas dinner ect.

Her boss asked her out at lunch to talk outside of the office in a nicer environment. She took the opportunity to give her resignation at the same time but first she had to listen to what her boss wanted to say.

He told her that he’s been very lately diagnosed with throat cancer, too late to do anything about it. Doctors gave him 6 month to live. He then started to cry.

Her resignation papers stayed in her purse that day…

I saw a lady slip on a banana peel irl outside of the Disney store in Dublin, Ireland. I didn’t even know it was possible. I felt really bad bc I couldn’t go help her up because I was laughing so hard and had to go into the Disney store so it wouldn’t look like I was laughing at her. I was just more shocked that it actually happened.

Commuting home via train. It derailed. I didn’t really notice it because I had my headphones on and read a book. It was a slightly bumpy ride, but that sort of stuff happens, right? I only realised something was off when people started smashing in the windees and breaking open the doors, climbing off and running away.

I packed my stuff, hopped outside and looked at the train. Sure enough, it was fully off the tracks.

I’ve never been in that small town before and had no idea how to get home. So, I did the only reasonable thing I could think of: Finding the nearest local pub, drinking a pint of beer, having a smoke and figure things out from there.

Met a sweet couple about my age over there who were on the same train and lived in that area. We had a lovely chat, a few more pints and then they dropped me off at the bus stop from where I could get back home. We became close friends.

Maybe like 20 years ago, my partner and I were at a couple-friends’ apartment on a hot sweaty summer day. The four of us sitting in a small circle on the hardwood living room floor, smoking a bowl… Nothing but the sound of the flicking lighter, and the squeaky hum of the ceiling fan providing us with some margin of relief from the heat. Ahh…

Then boom. The ceiling fan’s loose screw squeaked its last squeak and the whole fixture fell, heavy-ass motor assembly and all, exactly in the middle of our circle. One of the wooden blades nicked my friend on the way down for a bloody eyebrow. But the heavy middle part, which could’ve killed any of us, landed right in the middle of our little arms-length bowl circle. This wasn’t one of those skinny modern fans you install by yourself… The thing was freakin’ heavy.

“Whoa.”

Walked out of the shower with a towel around my waist, facing a tweaked guy with a gun. Took my wallet and ran out of the apartment. Good times.

Once i had a bike accident. The car was parked and the driver opened the door milliseconds before i drove by.

The bike smashed into his door and i went flying onto the other lane, where luckily no cars were driving at the time.

The movie like thing was that i landed rolling a few times and ended up on my feet without any injury or whatsoever. The bike was trashed, as was the car’s door. The driver was also pretty shocked about what happened. I was just wondering why nothing happened to me.

Ok, i was young ( 26 ) and I’m sure my body wouldn’t be so lucky nowadays.