For the purpose of this question, the target age range is 20-30. Asking because I feel like I’m wasting my youth.
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
- Tecumseh
Master your inner dialogue and emotions.
Practice speaking positively and rationally to yourself. Use affirmations, mantras, or visualisations for confidence, for forgiveness of yourself and others, relaxation, motivation.
If you ever feel like crying, it is important to cry hard and deep, and then it’s important to recover after with some kind of happy celebration, whether it’s playing or a treat, just something nice to help your body learn to get happy after being sad, angry, or scared.
Stop reaching for distractions when powerful emotions come on. Face the emotion. Study it with curiosity. Feel it fully. And comfort yourself positively until it passes.
Start down this road now. You don’t want to end up 40, done with school, done with your parents, done with your first couple of real jobs, and have no idea how to control yourself throughout the day.
Forgive yourself and others but learn from those experiences. As a saying goes "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
Just want to back this one up: as someone rapidly approaching 40 who never loved himself, if anything absolutely loathes himself, repeating to yourself how absolutely horrible of a failure you are and how completely and utterly undeserving of anyone’s love you are daily will cement itself in your head as absolute fact.
I can no longer actually comprehend that I can do anything well. I’m either a complete failure, or if I did it literally anyone with 2 braincells can. I actually do not believe anyone who says otherwise, it has become an objective truth in my brain backed up by decades of “evidence.”
I’m sure there is much more evidence that this is not the case. You were probably raised in an environment with lots of shame and blame, I suspect, and so it’s hard to give yourself credit for the many, many things you have been successful.
Also, reframe your negative evidence. You’re not the same person anymore, for sure. Everyone makes mistakes and that’s how we learn, and it’s supposed to be uncomfortable. It also helps to remember that you are likely the only person thinking about this past evidence, and it’s okay for you to let it go, release it from your body and mind, and move on from it too.
When you feel yourself thinking negatively, go stand in front of a mirror, up on your toes, arms up high over head, bear your teeth, and growl at the mirror. You are a large and powerful predator, and seeing yourself as such will make it true.
Another good tip, when you’re feeling discomfort with memories, pause, and look around the room making sure to look over your shoulders, behind you on both sides. This is a trick to calm your brain down, take you out of fight or flight. You’re not in danger and the feelings of danger may have been helpful as a child, but you don’t need them anymore. You are a large and powerful predator now.
This is really valuable advise. I’m 20 at this point, and (after therapy) I’m looking back and realizing now much self-acceptance and connection with your own emotion shape the way I perceive the world. I’m really glad that I started this young, and for people who live in a country where psychotherapy is covered by healthcare - there are usually offers of a short psychotherapy (in Germany it’s called Kurzzeitherapie, short-term therapy) which will in my opinion as a psychology student will benefit every person.
Male or female?
I want to hear what you have to say for either case.
Why does it matter?
Grow some plants. Whether it’s a small succulent or a big lemon tree; it’ll definetly make your life more enjoyable watching them grow.
Grow some herbs and such. It is fun going through a recipe and thinking “Oh, I can run outside for this ingredient.” I like to tell my wife “In a way we are eating our lawn.” lol
Seconded. Something you grow picked at it’s optimal time will nearly always taste better as well
Meditate as much as you can. An hour a day would not be overkill.
Enjoy nature before it gets clearcut for money
Protect your hearing. Listen to loud music in moderation and use earplugs in loud environments.
I’ve always had the anti-neighbour style setup. Much less harmful to your ears than headphones
Please wear them at shows. Coming home with your ears feeling like you are underwater and ringing is a sign you’ve damaged them. I don’t know why they insist on making shows so damn loud.
Most practical advice I’ve seen in this thread. For anyone who wants to protect their hearing at a concert without making the music sound muffled, check out these flat frequency ear plugs:
https://www.etymotic.com/product/etyplugs-high-fidelity-earplugs/
Those are great but I recently switched to these. They are a little more expensive but they come with three different filters for different decibel levels.
Floss and make regular dentist visits, prioritize fitness and make it a habit for the rest of your life, and don’t allow negative people in your life
Learn to cook!
It’s great fun if you can get into it, it fulfills one of your basic needs in a much more fun and satisfying way, and it can be a good and attractive quality in a future partner and / or fun to do with them.
So many people I know who after college ended up living on crap. At best they only knew how to boil pasta. I got a cookbook on my favorite cuisine at the time and started trying all sorts of recipes when I first lived on my own. I tell my wife “If you can follow instructions you can cook” and she said “I hate following instructions.” lol
Save at least $30,000 for retirement within ten years of your first adult job.
If you can, put 15% of your check into your retirement every single check, at minimum.
That will set you up for retirement, especially if you’re entering the work force in your late teens or early twenties.
This for sure! I never understood the power of a 401k being a tax shelter and the power of employer matching. Do as much as you can, even if it’s 50$ a paycheck. It’s best of you can put in as much as the employer will match.
try a bunch of stuff, find what you like, pursue that.
repeat as needed.
Get out of your comfort zone.
Kill your sacred cow.
Learn how to be happy alone. Simple!
Really though, if you figure this out, a lot of other things click into place. I used to think it was impossible. Just words miserable people said to make themselves feel less lonely.
Okay, sometimes it’s still that, but I’ve come to enjoy being able to focus on whatever I want to focus on without the distractions, drama, and/or gnawing desperation.
Don’t drift through this phase or you’ll regret it later. If you go to college have a plan to graduate in 4-5 years. College isn’t the place to find yourself, it’s a place where you trade money for knowledge. You will learn about yourself, but you can get more self discovery in other environments for far less expense.
This is the time to establish a career and not just a job. It doesn’t have to happen at 22, but you need to know what you want and work towards it by 30.
If you want kids younger is generally better, but not so early you have no means to support them. There’s never a perfect time, but there are bad times for kids. Aim for a good enough time. It’s a lot easier to chase a toddler at 25 than 35.
Your life will likely significantly change several times in this period, embrace it and enjoy it. Single life, dating life, married life, college life, full time job life, and parent life ate all very different. You’ll experience many of these in this period.
I disagree with your having kids sentiment. I didn’t find the right woman until I was 33 and didn’t have kids til 39. I worked hard, got promoted and accumulated wealth before then. I started from nearly nothing. Now, my kid (hopefully) won’t have to struggle as much as I did.
And I chase that kid for 30 minutes until she gets worn out.
…
My advice, in your 20s: travel, make friends, make mistakes.
Get a job that has growth potential or become a rockstar in a small pond.
Find some hobbies, work out. Even better, find a hobby that also is a workout. Sock away 5% of your income towards retirement if you can handle it. Volunteer. Habits are formative in your 20s, you’ll find them easier to maintain (or avoid) in your 40s.
Don’t spend all of your time chasing tail or trying to find a mate. That’s a trap. instead, open yourself up to experiences, events and places where those things can naturally happen. And make memories along the way so you have fun things to share with that person when you do find them.
Get out of your comfort zone, get off of your comfort phone. Read a bit, learn to weld or sculpt or play an instrument. Take a dancing class, even if you go alone, there are usually people around to partner up.
Learn 5 or 10 jokes. Don’t be embarrassed to tell them often. Anyone from politicians to public speakers to hey, even comedians, will tell the same jokes over and over and over.
Get an Education, even if it’s a community college or a few professional certifications. It will demonstrate that you can learn. Absorb as much as you can while you’re young, because it’s true, learning does get harder as you age.
Take a course or two in psychology. Avoid people who bring you down, find people who build you up but are honest enough to keep you grounded when you need it.
Don’t live for anyone else, live for you. That isn’t to say be selfish, you’ll need people in your corner. But know that, no one else can experience how can experience. No one else lives through your eyes; no one else loves through your heart; no one else dreams how you dream. We have so few precious years on this tiny rock, so make them tell the story of you.
Have fun. As I got older, I deeply regret not going out or doing fun activities now that I am in high school. I had so much fucking time, but I wasted them all on stupid bullshit. Now I have only like 7 hours of freetime, and I can imagine that my freetime will be even less the moment I start working.
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I know, I said "I can imagine that my freetime will be even less the moment I start working. " as well. I also spend at least 30 minutes doing my homework or studying for exams every day for 1-2 hours. So let’s say 6 hours of freetime
I had the opposite experience. Once I started working full time after college, I felt like I had SO MUCH FREE TIME!
I did have a part-time job during college, though. That might have skewed things for me.
