Man… I am so deeply in crisis. I’ve massively avoided talking about just how severe things have been living here but with the crime and untreated mental illness/substance issues ramping up again it’s really affected my mental health.

I have really severe ptsd developed over the years from repetitive harassment and stalking, attempted or semi-success break-in’s while I’ve been home and credible physical threats. (The pocket I live in is a hotspot for untreated mental illness and substance abuse issues with a lot of resulting crime, and I’m considered an easy target due to my size, disability, isolation and gender. The cops do little to nothing because it’s so entrenched.)

It is still constantly being triggered by further threatening incidents with no end in sight. I just don’t feel safe living here and yet I’ve been trying to escape for a very long time with no luck.

People are trying to help me but it’s getting nowhere soon. I’m afraid that my physical health is going to give out, my mental health will end things for me, or my luck will run out and I’ll no longer be able to avoid the threatened physical attacks.

I may be forced to move from public housing into dedicated disability accommodation or mental health housing but I don’t know how long that could take or if there would be any suitable places.

I’m using all my coping strategies but they’re just not enough against this.

I have a psychologist but she seems to have hit the limits of what she can do for me and is now giving really minimising and toxically positive responses that are incredibly stressful and unhelpful. There is a secondary support worker I have who is much the same and I’m getting so stressed out by them that I’m just canceling appointments and withdrawing.

The psych ward is not an option. I explored that option years ago in response to intense suicidal ideation/planning due to this and found it is both ineffective and genuinely dangerous for an AFAB even somewhere with a ‘women’s ward’.

I can’t afford the private rental market, can’t go to any family, and can’t cope with share housing so there’s nothing anyone here can do for me.

I desperately don’t want to die but without safe stable housing I really don’t see a future for myself.