I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can’t safely lift anything that’s heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn’t the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can’t be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don’t know for sure if they will, since we’re not close emotionally. I also don’t know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn’t have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don’t know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won’t miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to wait, but I also can’t do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
With conditions that severe, do you have access to a medical transport service or an understanding friend? One way or another, have them get you to a bus depot, buy a ticket to the nearest sane state and tap their social services to help you get established with basic care - Ohio is likely beyond broken intentionally, and it might not feel like it, but you will find social systems that function (not perfectly, but function for those truly in need) in other states.
If you’re in active danger, focus on moving (or being moved) away, as fast and far as you can afford.
You need to come here to Australia mate.
Honestly, I feel like there are going to be a lot of refugees from the US if Trump wins
Have you seen Australias immigration policy? If hes got a disability, hes probably already denied. And how many of Americas allies do you think are going to start accepting refugees from the US? They wouldn’t risk the optics of it.
He could request asylum. He’s under threat of political violence.
the fact this is even being suggested shows a lack of familiarity with Australia’s position on asylum seekers.
People from war-torn countries or fleeing genocide are held in international-law-violating limbo for decades, there’s no chance in hell that somebody from a developed country is getting political asylum here, especially with the current poisoned rhetoric on immigration.
I have plenty of friends who just became Aussie citizens.
One literally was less than a week ago
What newspapers are saying and what’s actually happening is two different things
I was joking about asylum, but there are many paths of entry
And with Canada next door with a fairly open door immigration wise (even with recent reductions) that’s the more likely play.
It feels like we’re starting to set the scene for the Handmaid’s Tale, with Americans claiming asylum in Canada.
I dont really think an ally of America that has almost 300 billion dollars tied up in trans-national investments is going to accept a refugee from America because they can’t just take one without acknowledgeding the same violence threatens the entire lgbtq commubity as well as all the women who live in abortion ban states, and soon enough anyone in an inter racial marrige. Australia least of all, the immigration laws there are tight.
Firstly, I live in Australia… We have lots of migrants here. So yeah, I’ve seen the policies. In fact, I get along better with migrants than many multi generation Aussies
And yeah, calling them refugees was part joke, but part truth. There are lots of ways to enter including work or study. If Trump wins, its possible he’ll mess up so bad he’ll be overthrown within 4 years (that’s the worrying thing. I lived in Indonesia during the riots). So, anyone migrating might not need to last long (even the right wing will realize they fucked up bad)
Considering how many people Trump has pissed off including our ex PM, I don’t think countries will hesitate as much as you think…
I don’t think countries will hesitate as much as you think…
There are 280million dollars worth of trans national investments between just the US and Australia. The US is the number 1 foreign investor in the Australian economy by a lot. I think you over value what politicians say and undervalue what they do.
Mate, you’re just spitting out numbers…
Trump already said f you to our ex prime Minister. You think Trump gives a toss about foreign investment?
If Trump does what everyone expects him to, it’s even possible he’ll get in a position where he loses allies
World leaders in general don’t like trump.
He’s openly being a Nazi now. If it’s a cutthroat win, he’ll start prosecuting anyone he disagrees with to Guarantee control. If it’s a huge win, it’s less likely. Don’t forget, there were a lot of people affected by the Nazis, and he is openly being a Nazi now
But he’ll do whatever he needs to do to have ultimate power.
Don’t think world leaders though will bend over and take it from the golden diaper man… They’ll simply tolerate him. Especially since he has a reputation for breaking contracts.
And he’ll find every excuse he can to not pay either (if we send wool for instance, he’ll find a few grains of dirt, claim it’s low quality and than demand a refund or he’ll send it back).
Don’t underestimate the risk management other world leaders use on him
Id love to hear about this risk management plan and about how much of the 280 billion gets divested in it, if any.
Yeah… I’m wrong. You’re right
I’m sure internationally everyone loves dealing with a guy who breaks contracts.
You were joking - obviously!
You need to call your relatives. If one of my second cousins whom I never met gives me a call saying that they are in your position and don’t know where to turn I am driving out 4 hours to pick them up at the drop of a hat.
It is going to be be hard but there are means to get free. Explore your options once you are safe but right now job one is get safe.
Sadly, the local police/FBI likely aren’t going to do shit for you and will only increase the risk of you getting found out by the people you’re living with. I’d wait until you’re out to contact them.
Your non-crazy relatives seem like your best bet, provided they’re willing to put themselves between you and your potentially violent acquaintances should it come to that. Be honest with them.
Otherwise, people have suggested abuse hotlines and organizations, that’s probably a good place to start. If I were in your situation and I had nowhere else to turn, I’d probably reach out to the church I went to when I grew up. I’m no longer Christian but the church I went to was exceptionally open minded and left leaning and I would trust the leaders to understand and help me how they could. Maybe you know of or could ask around about a place like that in your region? I would avoid anything within your town if possible since word is likely to get back to the people you’re currently living with.
Really sorry you’re in this situation. I’m all the way on the west coast but I have a network of resources in central IL if you end up there. Reach out if you can think of more ways I can help.
My home church growing up was right leaning and as much as I hate them, I still feel like if I was in OP’s shoes it would still be a good bet. To be fair they were more center right than far right but still.
The problem is that you are totally unknown to us if you happen to not update or something what would we do? Who do we call? What we will say? You’ll need to set up a network of people that checks on you and can ring an alarm.
I wouldn’t call the police as the others have said. That might instigate more anger and violence from your brother.
I would seek an abuse shelter first. They could provide you with the things you need and take care of you. Here’s one example.
If you’re serious go to the police immediately and remove yourself from physical danger, deal with the rest of it later
Murder threats are always serious. EDIT: When the victim thinks they are not - the most. It’s a protection mechanism or something, if a person receives murder threats and waves those off, it means the situation is really serious. When a threat alarms them, it may or may not be serious. But if it doesn’t, then run. Cause it means that the threat has been preceded by something less direct to desensitize them to threats from that person or group.
Having been involved in a conversation about this sort of family dynamic with police, I wouldn’t recommend it. Unless OP is in a gigantic city, he is not going to receive any help from the police that actually protects him. What will happen is the police will listen to his story, then go talk to the other parties involved to get their story.
If an officer believes him right off the bat, they can/may hold off on talking to the rest of the family and tipping them off that OP is making these claims, but even in that case OP still may be stuck in the house. They might be able to connect him to a shelter. Might. The problem is that he is male. Male domestic violence shelters are almost certainly going to be a shit-show at best, and 95% chance there isn’t a shelter for males of domestic violence within any distance that the cops would help him get to.
The best bet for OP that involves cops is to follow Chonk’s advice: https://links.hackliberty.org/post/3089471/5115602
Use the cops for what they are actually good at: protecting you in the exact moment they are there. Anything else is going to be a time-consuming investigation, unless the brother/father literally admit to planning to kill OP.
The cops are not good at protecting you, wherever they are, but sometimes they’re good at protecting themselves.
I agree that going to the cops probably wouldn’t keep OP safe. But it would give the cops a starting point if a dead body turned up. They would know exactly where to start looking, and they probably would do so. But couldn’t lead to more harm than it is likely to prevent? Yes, possibly. It’s hard to make that determination without knowing more details about the city.
Pigs are also more likely to side with the fascists.
I have to agree, local cops cannot be trusted to totally be impartial, and may be sympathetic to their ideology.
A bus ticket to a large city or college town should get you back to the real world, where you’re more likely to be safe.
Record and document everything.
Here is my advice. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Get out. DO NOT contact police or any kind of law enforcement until you are gone and safe. People like this will escalate if they feel threatened.
You can get new documents, clothes and items. Even if you only escape with the clothes on your back, wallet and phone. Make sure your family cannot track your phone. Make sure any communication you have with your helpers is locked down. Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord. Have your helpers or uber pick you up a few houses down in the middle of the night if you have to.
You would be surpised who still cares for you. Reach out to family, to old friends, to anyone you think could help, either by giving you a ride or taking you in for awhile. I haven’t talked to my best friend from collage for over a decade, but if she called me needing help I would drop everything and head her way.
Also, I live east coast and hell, maybe I could give you a ride to somewhere depending on where you are going.
Lastly, please take this seriously. You are not overreacting. Your life may very well be in danger, and just like with any other abusive relationship, leaving is the most dangerous part. Nothing you own outside of your ID and medications are worth dying for.
Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord.
Nah, use Signal, they definitely won’t use it, cause it’s “woke leftist crap”
Signal posted this on Twitter a few years ago:
And this is what the Trump cultists had to say about it:
So you can definitely be sure that they don’t use it
It’s also much more private and secure than Snapchat or Discord. I would avoid Discord, since it’s not encrypted and your chats are saved to your account. If someone gets your password, they can read all your chats. Signal only saves them on your device, so you’re safe.
How can they say that when Truth Social is a fork of Mastodon lol
There’s a pretty easy explanation for it. In fact, it’s just one simple word: stupidity
Your comment feels like it’s replying to the title of the thread and not to the context of the post.
OP is disabled, literally struggles to move on their own, and is financially dependent on their mother. Most of your advice is boilerplate and unactionable for them.
Call the police if your life and others are threaten. Seriously.
If you’re disabled like OP calling the police is dangerous. They will not understand OP’s disability and will make them do stuff that will harm them. It’s better to look for local mutual aid organisations specialised in people with disabilities.
And then the cops show up, interview everyone, and leave.
“Let us know if you have any further trouble, OP.”
Then everyone in OP’s family is insanely pissed off at him, even more likely to kill him, start screaming at him 60 seconds after the cops leave.
… You must not be American, to think that calling the Police in for a domestic dispute is some kind of solution.
Department of Children and Families
This is a long reply. I’ll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don’t like that.
It sounds like you already have your answers on _what_ to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:
- You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
- You can’t safely access your primary ID documents, so don’t (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
- This is the one you seem least sure about, but you’ve identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I’ll add to this and other “what” questions in a reply
There are two other ways to understand what you’re asking for in this post.
The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.
You have it.
Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.
The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn’t been addressed.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.
This suggests you don’t drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren’t good options for you. Since you’ve presumably lived with your disability for some time, I’m going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that’s wrong.
You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?
Driving
- Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they’re also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.
Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.
- There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.
First, don’t use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a “road trip carpooling” tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.
With your disability, you’re more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don’t tell them why you left. You’re going to visit family you haven’t seen in a while. Talk about things you’ve done with them in the past, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them now. Don’t mention things that convey their (or your) politics.
If you’re paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that’s what it takes. You’re vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don’t want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.
Air
You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don’t know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn’t be necessary.
After TSA, they’ll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won’t). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don’t have to answer to them.
When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it’s time for you to exit the plane.
When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.
Bus
Greyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.
Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won’t run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.
There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they’re full they’re more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won’t be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.
> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you’re going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there’s room left, pack underwear since that can’t be gotten used.
If leaving with anything would be unusual, don’t. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.
I’d add shelters to the list if you can’t immediately get direct travel to family. Many provide support services as well which can help you on your next steps.
you have to put
::: spoiler button textat beginning, not just::: button textCaught that within a few seconds of posting, but edits seem to take longer to propagate than the original comment
Great breakdown! I’d like to add train to the options. OP might be able to utilize an Amtrak train for a portion of the trip depending on the travel destination. Here’s a map of their routes. Tickets can be purchased online, they offer assistance for disabilities, and they have places to lie down or eat food.
If you decide to fly OP, consider getting a pack of gum to chew on to help with pressure/popping in your ears during altitude changes of takeoff and landing.
Thank you, I thought I missed one! Again, this will also require some form of ID. It also provides greater leg room and comfort than airplane or bus. The seats also recline more than either of the others, which may be helpful given OP’s cognitive issues with sitting up for extended periods.
Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
You can also just have it on your phone. You don’t even need to use Apple Wallet or Google Wallet, most airlines just give you the PDF file. @[email protected]
To be honest I would take some of the advice here, but in the immediate I would get a switch blade or bear mace or both and hide them in different places around your room.
When election day comes if anyone tries anything stupid you will at least have means to defend yourself and escape.
Switchblades are illegal in most, if not all States.
Lol @ switch blades being illegal but AR-15s are not
AR-15’s are also illegal where I live. Every semi-auto, center-fire rifle was banned January 1, 2024.
Alright.
Anyways I didn’t specifically mean an assisted switch blade, any foldable knife would do.
Obviously the best case scenario is no violent encounters.
Butterfly knives aren’t.
Leave now. Fuck your stuff.
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get a cab
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get a Greyhound to an area with a better outlook.
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look for roommates in your destination city on the ride
YES! Get to the city any way you can. If you don’t have any money see if you have something to trade or sell. Go to a homeless shelter, some have case workers who can help you. Some cities have shelters just for victims of abuse where they make sure your identity is hidden and they can help you get setup with housing and other assistance. You’ll likely have more options since you’re disabled. Your family is less likely to go to a city to find you. You deserve way better and I hope you find peace.
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First, you need to know, you did NOTHING wrong. Your family is the problem, NOT YOU.
Second, when you say you are “financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.” it’s quite likely the other way around. If you’re as disabled as you say, you should be getting disability benefits, paid to YOU, not them. Likely they were collecting before you turned 18, but at 21 those benefits are YOURS, not theirs.
Third, don’t sweat the birth certificate or SSN. Those are just paper and there’s a process to replace them, a process you can’t start if they harm you.
GTFO. Now. While you can. Take your benefits with you, cut them off and let them hang.
Absolutely agree with you, but one thing to note is the existence of what’s called representative payees. OP would have likely had to sign a form for it at 21, unless they were verifiably incapacitated at the time, but a rep payee is, for an intents and purposes, the beneficiary as far as the social security department is concerned.
Which is NOT to say don’t leave. It just means that OP needs to contact social security the instant they are clear of danger or being overheard.
The moment you’re safe, contact the SSD and ask them to verify your status as the primary on your account. If your mother (or someone else) is not the rep payee, then you’re clear. If they are, you need to ask for the paperwork to transfer your benefits back to yourself, which may involve having to go through a judge. That said, keep a record of any communications between yourself and whoever the rep payee is. Ohio is a one party consent state, meaning you are legally allowed to record your phone calls as long as one party is aware and consents, namely yourself. Text based communication is easier, though.
If you are able to contact anyone (guessing you can since you’re posting this) I would suggest contacting progressive organizations in your area. Women’s shelters, even if you’re male, may be able to help you, or direct you to someone who can help. Gay organizations often have some resources in place for teens who have disowned. The DSA, the episcopal church, the metropolitan community Church, the United Church of Christ, any Sikh, Buddhist, and often Hindu community centers are also notorious for being home to progressive members. Sadly, they likely don’t have anything in place for such a rescue mission already, but they may well be a member willing to assist.
Best option is if there’s an anarchist mutual aid org near you, but that’s unlikely.
I wish you all the luck and success in there.
This also ended up longer than I anticipated going in, so posting it as a full comment in and of itself, too.
