I’m starting to think that my life is over and I don’t want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can’t find a job.
When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C’s and B’s and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn’t he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.
I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I’m addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don’t see my life going anywhere and when I’m not on drugs I’m miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can’t do this anymore.
EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It’s not glamorous but it’s some money.
I’m sorry about how you were treated. That was fucked up and you didn’t deserve it.
I don’t think it’s over for you, it’ll just be difficult. You’re clearly able to overcome (presumably with effort and time) some of what you talk about since this is pretty well written.
Alcohol is pretty hazardous on all levels (I assume that’s what you cite as an addiction) but if you need pot to function, I see no problem with that besides it being another expense. It’s probably worth finding a support group in your area with respect to the alcoholism, though.
As far as I know, low IQ, insofar as we treat it as a credible concept at all, doesn’t correspond to not being able to do things, but it just taking longer to learn them. That’s probably not much of a consolation with respect to all that you’ve been through, but it’s relevant for looking forward because it means you don’t need to write things off as being something “for smarter people,” though there are definitely circumstances where the extra time it takes could make something not viable (like needing more time in college representing a significantly greater financial burden, possibly).
I think you can do it. Just remember that there is no shame in leaning on others; We’re a social, cooperative species.
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This doesn’t look like it was written by someone that isn’t intelligent.
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You’re probably self medicating yourself through ADHD and/or anxiety and it’s also not helping with the anxiety and/or depression you might be experiencing.
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20s is prime “what do I do with my life” for most - and it doesn’t always go away as you age.
“1. This doesn’t look like it was written by someone that isn’t intelligent.”
Thanks👍
“3. You’re probably self medicating yourself through ADHD and/or anxiety and it’s also not helping with the anxiety and/or depression you might be experiencing.”
Idk why you’re saying this I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but not with anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression tho.
“3. 20s is prime “what do I do with my life” for most - and it doesn’t go away with as you get older”
It’s not that I don’t know what to do with my life it’s that I’ve got nothing to do with my life as I’ve got no resources. I have no education and the education I do have is pretty bad and I have qualifications for anything. There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
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Disclaimer: I’m not a social worker or other mental health professional or anything in any way related to those.
I’m a bit over twice your age though, so I’m speaking based on my experience in life.
There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
All those occupations you listed require very specific types of intelligence. I fully agree with the poster above who said that there are many different types of intelligence. To expand on that a little, someone may be the best car mechanic or cook in town but be a terrible programmer or nurse. And vice-versa, a great programmer may be a terrible nurse, mechanic, cook, etc. The idea that IQ is anywhere near a full measure of someone’s abilities is truly, completely wrong.
Don’t let the fact that you “couldn’t” do those things stop you from trying a myriad of other occupations where you may be successful and find fulfillment. If you believe that you can only be successful or fulfilled by being good at one of the latest occupations trending in media, please don’t. Someone can be successful and fulfilled doing pretty much just about anything. Some examples: building trades, mechanic, driver, janitor, cashier, cook, bartender, hairdresser, anything. FYI, I’ve heard that in France, people in any occupation demand and get the respect they deserve for being experts in whatever occupation they chose for themselves. Just as an example, my hairdresser told me an amusing story of arriving in Paris and stopping at a fruit stall where she promptly started to squeeze the fruit like we do in the US. The fruit stall minder literally smacked the fruit out of her hand and selected the fruit for her. He was the expert in fruit and she had no business picking the fruit herself.
It sounds like your main issues probably stem from your father’s neglect and abuse and perhaps your ADHD and other learning disabilities, not from your IQ. You would do well to address your drug addiction first with whatever treatment options are available to you (this would also impact your IQ test scores, but do yourself a favor and forget about IQ). After that, or maybe at the same time, if you didn’t graduate high school, work towards getting your GED. After that, enroll in community college and take whatever variation of “succeeding in college” (study skills) and “career exploration” classes they offer as your very first classes. After that, many options should present themselves to you in community college. Focus on the careers that you can do with either only a high school / GED diploma, or that plus trade school or community college. Many community colleges also provide mental health counseling and assistance finding jobs. Take advantage of any opportunity you encounter.
I, like apparently many others here, believe in you! The answer to your question is yes, there is hope for you!
I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD but not with anxiety. I’ve never been diagnosed with depression tho.
I’ve got ADHD too, and I can see some similarities in how my struggles in school (influenced by ADHD behavior) led to constant anxiety, frequent depressive episodes, and overall poor self-esteem. It’s pretty darn common for people with ADHD to have these kinds of issues because they’re often told it’s all their fault, when in actuality their community failed to give them the support they needed.
There’s a lot of things I wanted to do. I wanted to be a nurse, I wanted to go to university/college, I wanted be a programmer ect ect but I just couldn’t.
First off, it’s really good that you have ideas of what you want to do, that’s half the battle. The other thing is that these things can be achieved, they’ll just take time. Just because you didn’t do X thing before X time doesn’t mean you’re shut off from that forever, especially with things like getting a job you care about or going to uni. Those things can be built up to. Exactly how that will happen depends on your circumstances, but I know lots of people who worked a job they cared less about to support getting certifications or education, so it absolutely can be done. Having those aspirations is step one, so you’re already in a position to keep going that direction. The big thing is to remember you’ve got blind spots and you don’t know all your options, so doing research and asking help will help you get there.
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There’s a lot of good advice here. I have a son not too different in age than you. Your post made me want to give you a long hug. I’m sure you have many things about you that are assets and you haven’t had anyone in your life to help you find them.
As others have said, you sound smarter than you think you are, and your writing is good!
Small steps, and celebrate the small victories. Make one little thing better about yourself or your life every day. No matter how small. And be proud of yourself when you’ve done so.
Go take the good advice from others, but here’s a Dad Hug™.
How sweet but how am I similar to your son?
And he also is overwhelmed by needing to do things in life but not knowing where to start.
You’re a human and you need someone to validate you. I can’t do that from a keyboard, but I can offer an internet hug.
You vastly overestimate the competence of the workforce in general. If you show up on time, work hard, and work to improve over time (don’t expect to be perfect! Just learn from mistakes!) you will be a coveted employee.
Hopefully this leads to improved feelings of self worth.
Reminds me of the YouTuber Mat Armstrong w/motto “Hard work beats talent.”
As others have said, pick a trade. Make bank. Get some friends who value you for you. F everyone else. Not literally lol
“You don’t need to be smart, you just need to be useful.”
I live by this creed everyday and it’s served me well. I don’t count myself as smart, but I do have some skills that others dont and vice versa and that’s enough to get stuff done
Yeah well good luck with adhd at: work hard, show on time, remember that you have any work at all
First month is always all cool and nice thanks to inhumane amount of energy but then it catches up with you and you plunge hard
The more monotonous and routine something is the worse it gets. Same tram every day at same hour? Two weeks max before inevitable disappearance to never appear again.
It’s like walls are closing on you and anxiety attacks start and you have to run and regain your strength to try anew somewhere else.
Once it got so bad I almost got paranoidal psychosis because I just felt so bad so to preserve my mental health I had to disappear and barricade for half a year to recoup.
It’s no fun standing in public and feeling like you are about to die, freaking out about it, freaking out about freaking out about it and that you are crazy, running like mad from the place that gave you this suffocating feeling
Oh wait that’s an ADHD symptom? I’m considering going nomadic atm maybe that makes it bearable.
I dunno if all ADHD is exactly like yours, but I doubt it. Your version sounds pretty hellish, to put it lightly.
Good info though, thanks for deeming us worthy of your time (not sarcastically) and sharing your experience. Pretty eye opening for us neurotypicals.
Work at amazon they hire anyone over 18 regardless of diplomas/degrees etc (at this time they’re hiring a lot and quickly! only go to hiring.amazon.com) If you get converted to regular permanent associate they pay your College Tuition and there’s more too
Delivery station is the easiest and as someone with lower cognitive ability (ptsd sucks that bad y’all) I can work there easily and it’s not overwhelming
It’s been two weeks- Just checking in.
Thanks, I got a job and am now dating a guy
Aw yeah, it’s all coming up Millhouse.
Well, Millhouse was gay
- Get sober
- Figured out what you want to do in life.
Don’t think about jobs specifically. What do you want your life to look like? Traveling? Learning new things? Meeting a lot of people? Content solitude?
Once you figure out your ideal life, work backwards to form a plan. The pieces will fall into place and congrats, you now have a roadmap to your ideal. Make it happen.
When I was younger than you are now I was homeless. I remember one night I was hiding from the monsoon in an underpass, nursing broken ribs courtesy of some teenagers who decided to fuck with me a few days before. I knew this wasn’t the life I wanted. I knew I wanted my own safe place to live with a fridge full of food and hot running water. I stayed up all night and crunched the numbers - how much I would need to make, where I should live, what job and degree I’d need. It took 10 years but I followed the plan to a T and it worked out exactly as intended. It feels like a lifetime ago now.
23 is far from being too late. I know folks twice your age who have turned it around. The important thing is to start now and don’t stop until you’ve arrived at your destination. It is possible, you just need to take the right steps.
Much love friend. If you need help with the planning stages, send me a message.
Maybe a long shot, but as someone with ADHD and self diagnosed autism, I would encourage you to look into the possibility. I struggled in school all the way through, constantly told “if only you applied yourself”, the problem was I was already working harder and didn’t realize the system wasn’t designed for my brain. Really the world in general isn’t designed for anyone neurodivergent, but your life still has value, you just need help figuring out how the whole unexplained thing works.
Don’t focus on your IQ. I mean that could be a handicap for yoy but we all have handicaps here or there. IQ is seen as so important but it is just one thing in a multitude of factors. Do you like any kind of art? Music? Nature? How are your emotions? Sports? I bet you have something where you thrive and feel inspired. Explore that. Practice that. Focus on developing your skills in that. If you really try, tomorrow you will be able to teach people about this that you love and do so beautifully. Life is oh so complex. Multiple paths. Also! Keep an eye on emotions, trauma and your psychological health. Try to find any kind of psychological help you can afford. You know drugs are not good but they are trying to fill a hole. Find that hole and fill it with consciousness, love for yourself and something you like to do.
This process could take many years. But start walking towards healing and thriving. Maybe it will take much shorter that you think.
Good luck. If you have a sense of spirituality, that could also help you a lot.
I’m gonna be the cynic and say it - I think what we have here is a scammer hoping people will reach out with donations.
The account didn’t exist before this post was made. OP has a 76 IQ but uses perfect sentence structure, grammar, punctuation, paragraphs and five-syllable words like qualification. My spidey sense is tingling.
Thank you. I’ve worked on my grammar a lot. I struggle with it. I sometimes wonder if I’m doing something wrong or if I’ve misspelled something. A lot of the time I have I commonly misspell things or forget to include words. My speech-to-text thing on my phone helps if it wasn’t for that I wouldn’t be able to write things this well.
When I was that school during my last year and a half my English teacher finally let me use my phone in English. I was able to check spellings and and find words if I was struggling. It helped a lot. As for the donation theory. I didn’t include any payment offer so that wouldn’t work but know that I think of it I wouldn’t be against it. Lol
I support you on the cynic side. But in case this post is authentic, I hope OP struggles through all difficulties in her life with modern technology like spell-checkers.
Good luck, OP.
I’m looking for evidence that this post is real. It is too perfect, like the stuff chatgpt produces. But I’m old and very cynical.
One alternative is her low IQ diagnosis was off. I suggest seeing someone to have that rechecked. If it turned out to be closer to the average 100 it could make her feel more positive about her own potential.
Absolutely this. This is a scam and a completely unconvincing one.
Nobody with 76 IQ will get past the Lemmy landing page when they start talking about instances.
Its a good thing I never saw that page then
I didn’t see that page either
Prefacing this by saying this is in no way directed towards you/meant to undermine your post, but IQ really is racist pseudoscience. “Low IQ” is always used as a cudgel against people who otherwise do not come across as unintelligent (such as yourself, imo) to discredit them. I’m thinking of a lot of instances of young Black people who have been subjected to the criminal justice system and their demands for autonomy being dismissed with BS “low IQ” claims (despite the fact that they come across perfectly eloquently in their writings).
I don’t have personal experience with addiction so I can’t give targeted advice there, but I know there is support out there to help people overcome addictions. If you’re worried about getting a job, definitely you can learn a trade, find an apprenticeship or something like that. I do also have a diagnosed learning disability btw, and didn’t finish high school because of it, and in my opinion the only ways that has held me back is through school systems refusing to accommodate for my learning style. I’ve had no problem self-teaching myself skills aligning with my interests like programming. I’m not saying that applies to all intellectually disabled people, but evaluating your intelligence by school performance is a really shit way to do so especially if you have any kind of learning disability or neurodiversity. Some years at school I would get Cs and Ds, some years at school I would get straight A*s; is it more likely that my intelligence wildly fluctuated between years, or more likely that there are so many circumstantial factors that affect academic performance far more than inherent intelligence?
This isn’t entirely correct. It’s kind of like saying “SAT score” is a racist pseudoscience – which honestly I can kind of get behind, heh. “IQ” is not a property of a human the way height or eye colour is, it’s just a test score. Yes, it’s used by racist people for racist ends, but racist people use everything for racist ends. The actual science behind IQ has always shown that (a) individual variation in IQ score is vastly, vastly greater than any potential racial factor in IQ, and (b) different research findings on racial averages in IQ score are varied enough that it’s hard to draw much of a conclusion. It’s also well known that IQ tests have a bias in favour of people from western developed nations. To me, it’s most likely that racial averages are similarly biased by the test.
Dowsing is a pseudoscience – it falls apart under scrutiny. But under scrutiny, IQ test scores still correlate with success just like SAT scores do. They are slightly heritable, just like SAT scores are. It sucks, but that’s our capitalist society for you. (Let’s revolt.)
But to the OP, please understand that these correlations are nothing more than correlations, and they are meaningless when you zoom into the individual level. Statistics about groups of people only make broad guesses but are meaningless about individuals. Statistics say the average person has one ovary and one testicle. Statistics say the average American has never heard of lemmy. So, don’t let statistics define you – that would be pseudoscience.
If it helps, remember this: it’s not scientific to say “my IQ is just 76.” You should say “My most recent IQ test score was 76.”
I have like 148iq, 30yo, I still didn’t ended the college and I still live with my parents.
IQ means nothing, like I don’t think musk have more IQ than you for example.
Ignore all that shit, just live your life the best you can and don’t let anyone tell you your value. You are not quantifiable in numbers and you are irreplaceable, even if the society try you to think so.
Are you sure about the IQ?
You’re writing very well structured and without errors - at least none that really stick out of or I’ve seen
Sure you’re not just putting yourself down too much?
And anyway, everyone has the tools we’ve got.
Make the best of it. That’s all one can do anyway.Do what interests you. Do what brings you joy - and do something that brings some income that you can live off.
Don’t overthink the IQ part. Many high intelligence people are having major issues in their life. IQ isn’t everything and really working for what you want, can cancel out many handicaps
And I still don’t believe, that you have such a low IQ.
IQ tests often overvalue performance in time.
If you’re insecure already, you’ll have second thoughts about your answers, lose time and get a lower score.Edit: and to add to that, a good friend of mine always had A’s in every class in highschool, but scored really bad in IQ tests, because he wanted to do them perfect. While I just went through them as fast as possible. He was like 86 points. But he went on to study theoretical physics.
I wouldn’t exclude lower IQ as that major of a problem. Sure maybe it kind of excludes you from being an engineer or a lawyer or a doctor and these kinds of jobs. But there’s plenty of low education jobs around, and there’s no shame in that. If everyone was engineers and lawyers we’d have major problems keeping shops and fastfood open. My dad didn’t finish school and raised me no problem, and lives fine. He might not be good at math or writing, but it’s plenty for woodworking and being a handyman.
As others have already pointed out, you’re articulate and sound smarter than a bunch of people I’ve seen on Lemmy. I mean hell, you found your way into Lemmy, a platform that’s still fairly niche and filled with nerds. You could have gone to Reddit but you came to the fediverse.
Everyone have their strengths and things they’re good at. Finding what you like to do is a good start. Some people inherently take artistic paths, and art has nothing to do with intelligence. What you need to do is figure out what you like to do that’s pleasant and satisfying for you to do, and get out of your head that you have to go to higher education.
Also worth noting, you mentioned ADHD. If you’re not diagnosed for it or treated for it, in itself that can significantly lower your IQ scores especially if not accounting for that. When I had my ADHD assessment, they spent time measuring exactly how much my cognitive performance declines under conditions harsh for ADHD. I swear I struggled to figure out how to take the bus after that because I was so fried, was very glad I was too lazy to take the car that day. They noted, initially being well rested I performed really well then my performance tanked the moment they started hammering the ADHD. It’s also important to understand IQ measures only one thing: intelligence. It doesn’t measure empathy, communication, art, or anything else. That might limit you for intellectual jobs, but you can still be great a people jobs. You could be HR, you could be sales, you could be support. Some of the best artists I know failed school hard.
Stop being jealous and ashamed. Those that shame you can go to hell, all they do is make you think you’re worthless and inferior to them. Find your own path.
If everyone was engineers and lawyers we’d have major problems keeping shops and fastfood open.
Alright, this is a little condescending. I think OP can aim a little higher than that and frankly probably will need to if she wants a living wage.
The fast food industry is basically a way for corporations to extract a pretty significant amount of labor value out of teenagers and the most desperate in society and all for the end result of contributing to society’s bad health. It’s not like society would collapse without it, unlike something like carpentry.
Lastly, insofar as IQ is a valid concept at all, studies say low IQ alone doesn’t prevent you from learning anything, it just makes it take longer to learn.
Edit: I apologize if it comes off like I’m going off on you, I just felt some things were worth noting. I like the rest of your comment.
Yeah that’s an intentionally extreme example. I’ve also seen garbage truck drivers being used in that context. The point is more that we need people on all tiers of jobs, even the literal shit ones. We need truck drivers, we need train drivers, we need people to pick up crops, we need people to take the trash out, we need people to maintain the sewers, we need people to empty out sceptic tanks. They’re critical infrastructure, and one shouldn’t feel bad because they ended up being a garbage truck driver. If you want a cozy repeated job and come home at 5 to your kids and family, that’s perfectly acceptable.
We put way too much emphasis on “success” and its connection to highly educated and high paying jobs.
IMO the fact that fastfood jobs are considered temporary bootstrap jobs that you’re expected to be exploited to hell is bullshit and an indication of the absolutely broken moral compass of the corporate world. We could do without fast food, but that doesn’t mean we should pay them them minimum wage. Everyone deserves a livable wage no matter what they do.
I appreciate your good humor since I think I came off as hostile
IMO the fact that fastfood jobs are considered temporary bootstrap jobs that you’re expected to be exploited to hell is bullshit and an indication of the absolutely broken moral compass of the corporate world. We could do without fast food, but that doesn’t mean we should pay them them minimum wage. Everyone deserves a livable wage no matter what they do.
I guess my perspective is that we’re talking about what OP wants to do in the present world, not what she could do in a hypothetical utopia (or just fairer society). So yeah, fast food jobs could be less terrible and should be, but at the moment they are absolutely not something to aspire to or even to recommend in many places because, again, they don’t even pay enough to live. Maybe OP is still living for free with a friend, in which case I guess it’s better than nothing, but in general it seems bad as a survival strategy.
Ah I see. I wasn’t using those as job suggestions but rather examples of jobs that are considered “loser” jobs and use those to drive the point that they’re important too, and there’s nothing wrong with ending up with those for your whole life. A job’s purpose is to give you money. Trying to comfort OP by removing the “loser” label and not focus as much on “well you could go flip burgers” because that just doesn’t help the emotional side of the situation.
I wish her to aspire to do a little more than those, but even assuming she’s as dumb as she claims to be, there’s still options, some granted less good than others, but just as important to society. I do think she’s got more potential than she thinks though, she reminds me a bit of my wife when I met her and now she’s competing with me as DevOps/SRE.
As another example: I’m autistic, I struggle with a lot of things. I make frequent use of DoorDash, I also hire cleaners every now and then to clean, and handymen to repair stuff in the house I just can’t deal with on my own. All of those jobs, people shit on continuously, and me too because I can’t manage some quite basic tasks. But using those services let me focus on what I’m good at, which is keeping thousands of computers happy. I make a fair bit of money which gets shared with all those that support me in being a productive member of society: cooks, waiters, delivery drivers, cleaners, trades. It’s good for the economy, it’s good for society. Those people deserve respect for their somewhat hidden contributions. Not having those people would ultimately make me fail, that would drag my employer with it, other companies wouldn’t have the software they need to operate.
Every one that contributes to society is important and valueble, whether people recognize it or not.
