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I came out as bi to her and then she thought me and my girlfriend wanted to sleep with her…
Her and I were close friends and confided in each other about depression, traumatic upbringings, and all sorts of stuff. I tell her in confidence that I think I’m bi and it’s something I struggled with all my life and only came to realize it then. She’s supportive because she’s pansexual and comes from a religious conservative background.
She asks me how my then girlfriend was taking it and I said she was excited because now she may get to have mmf and mfm threesomes. She says she thinks that’s really cool and asked if that meant we were open in the relationship so I said ya.
Fast forward a month or so later, she invites us all over to her place to hang out and smoke weed and chill and sleep over so we stay on the couch and she sleeps in her bed after a fun night. The next day she texts me that she’s not used to people treating her nicely and she thought she picked up vibes from both of us about wanting to sleep with her (???) and that she wasn’t comfortable with that.
We’re both shocked at this point because both of us had no intention of that and just wanted to chat, have weed, and talk about life and joke around and have fun. I tell her that this wasn’t our intent and that I’m really sad to hear that she felt that way from our actions and that we just wanted to enjoy her company since (I thought) we all had fun.
She went no contact pretty abruptly afterwards and 4 years later I’m still salty about the whole thing. I feel like I should not have shared that part about myself :(
I had a friend from high school that was a compulsive liar. we were friends for probably ~10 years and I never said anything because his lies were never hurtful lies. They were usually to entertain and were so obvious that any halfway intelligent person could spot them from a mile away. Fast forward to our early 20s and we’re working security together. When I drive him home after a shift one day he started telling a story about how some guys tried to rob him with a knife outside his apartment but he turned the tables and took their knife and broke the guys arm in the process before they ran off. I finally asked him “what really happened?” and he looked at me hurt and didn’t say anything. I later felt like a dick but his lies were growing in grandiosity to the point of offending some other people we worked with. A few months later he takes a shift with our supervisor who also happened to be a classmate and my buddy very intentionally fell asleep at the desk in the security office while using a second chair as a leg rest as the supervisor was doing a walking patrol of the building. Anyways, our supervisor came back and saw our buddy so the supervisor opened an emergency exit setting off the security alarm to see if he’d get up and respond. He did not. -That was my buddie’s last shift. The following evening he texted me with some false explanation for why he was terminated. My response was “Dude, you were recorded on 3 different surveillance cameras sleeping next to the table we all watch the cameras on.”
I didn’t know that was the last time we’d talk. Less than 6 months later he had a bachelor party and a wedding neither of which I was invited to.
I know that type. They always escalate their stories and think everyone’s always believing them, when in reality, everyone’s too polite to call them out, until they’re not.
It’s been bizarre realizing people are (likely) pathological liars (alor at least massive bullshitters). It’s like, wow, you sure do seem to always have an interesting story to tell in every situation. Every situation.
He sounds like the kind of guy who’d say they worked in the CIA or MI5. “Uhhh, people who actually work in those organizations NEVER tell you they work for those organizations. It is intelligence 101.”
Pathological lying and grandiosity are trademarks of psychopathic behavior also.
I’ve read similar things about lying being associated with anti-social personality disorders. Narcissism is also a common reason, but either way I’m confident he posessed empathy. I typically lean in the other direction that he was deeply insecure but also not the smartest. The stuff that offended colleagues (who were combat vets) was that he started making up stories about his time in the marines even though in reality he was discharged halfway through bootcamp. I asked him why he was discharged more than once and he gave me a different medical reason each time.
It’s uncanny how similar your story is to mine: I once had a friend with a similar tendency to embiggen reality… he started with lightly embroidering his stories, but over the years the fantasy took more and more precedence until you weren’t sure what was left of reality. It happened so gradually none of us knew how to react, should we burst his bubble? somehow it always seemed too harsh a reaction. One day he came to visit and said the most awful lies about our common friends… I never saw him again. Last I heard of him he had wholeheartedly subscribed to fascist ideas such as eugenics, etc. He’s persuaded himself he is the most clever guy to ever live and he’s unfit to live in this world necause nobody understands his genius. He’s early thirties!
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Yes, I’ve never heard of anyone making a friend past 30. Impossible!
I asked someone to stop saying “half 5” as a time since it was ambiguous & confusing, especially given that we weren’t in an English-speaking country & folks come from all over (many culture this means one thing or the other, while many—including where I grew up—don’t even use it as an expression). I asked a few times, then another time we were gonna meet up, I asked him “half five ha” “so what time do you really mean?” “half 5” …so I just didn’t show up, wasn’t in the mood. We haven’t really talked since.
I had to look that up and I’ve always lived in an English speaking country. Such a weird way to say 5:30.
4:30 in the Netherlands & German IIRC
It’s before the time?
When you do not include a preposition like til or past or before or after there is no way to underestand relative to which side of the hour. This is why it is interpreted differently in some cultures. This is also why no one I grew up with ever said anything other than 5:30, 6:30 PM, or 17:3:0 since—aside from the 12-hour Anglophone clock thing—you can remove both ambiguity & doing mental math (also typing less characters).
Funny when I first read about it: https://en.m.wikivoyage.org/wiki/English_language_varieties#Date_and_time
Which had explicit instructions
Some of these can be made less ambiguous (for example, Americans usually say “quarter past eight” or “quarter till eight”) but others will always have the potential for confusion. Be prepared to clarify, or simply use explicit dates and times.
You didn’t like the way your friend… told time? And that was enough to end the friendship?
And I thought I was neurotic. How do you even have friends? I’m not even attacking you, I’m looking for advice here.
There is no reason to be unclear with folks with some weird dialectal thing that is inconsistent across cultures when you aren’t in that culture… or to keep doing something on purpose when asked to stop for a couple of months. I thought it would be a one-time thing since I wasn’t feeling it that night, but everything ended up fizzling out after I guess my no show. We would chat if we ran into each other but neither of us planned anything together after.
I was being charitable. It’s now becoming obvious you’re just a finnicky person with bad social skills.
I mean seriously, if I had a friend who got so uppity about some silly way I told time (that was common where I came from), I would have to seriously wonder what was wrong with them.
When other, non-native English speakers were invited to hangouts they were even more confused—asking me what he meant & I would have to look it up. In casual speech or storytelling these things don’t matter but when planning events & meetings they do. I have seen so many confusing scheduling issues in work & life that can be solved by just communicating clearly & precisely. I have seen meetings missed for time zones & ambiguous phrases like “biweekly”. You know what I do? I send an clear date & timestamp + *.ics iCalender file since I try to put events in my calendar since I can be forgetful, & it is almost no effort to forward it to the other interested parties. The other end then has a precise reminder that can be localized/translated however is clear to them in their calendar—& as a result no one has mistaken an event.
Yes, the “obvious poor social skills” of being clear with folks when their time is involved. As well, trying to get someone else to give up their speech oddity in planning for the sake of everyone else, myself included, by explaining that others are confused & it not being worth it. Do you have experience working in international groups?
Yes, obviously poor social skills. Demonstrably.
On fools day he posted a picture of himself and a baby in Facebook with the tag “presenting my baby to everyone” I commented that congratulations for losing his virginity, that it took a while but it’s look like it was worth it. He blocked me and never spoke to me again. I tried to contact him a couple of times, we were best friends on primary school and keep in touch even after graduation high school, but we never talked again after that. I can’t even count the amount of times I talked about that with my therapist, until I just moved on. Hope he have a happy life.
Homie got way into flat-earth bullshit. We (me and other friends) tried everything from ridicule, indulgence, and finally offering “agree to disagree and stop talking about it”. He went no-contact with all of us, sold his house and left town.
After he left town did he go around the earth trying to reach the edge of it?
do you think he went under ?
A friend tried to get me into Amway. I heckled him and refused.
He asked me again and I was more serious this time. I said no, and threatened if he asked me ever again it was the last he’d speak to me.
He asked again. I said “remember how I said we wouldn’t be friends if you kept proselytizing that shit to me?”, to which he replied, “yeah, but lemme sketch this out to you because it’s awesome.” Like, he wasn’t sorry and he still tried to bring me onboard.
I left. Didn’t speak to him for 31 years. He died in COVID.
My dad has a friend try to talk him into amway sometime in the late 80s/early 90s. He had painted a pyramid shape onto cinder blocks in his basement to explain the revenue stream and everything.
He said no, but that friend ended up high enough in a payment chain that he’s still rich as sin, and my dad got to be one of the scant few that turned down what would’ve actually been a lucrative business venture in a pyramid scheme.
tangential but, when i was teenage-ish i had a friend of a friend that was always kind of standoffish with me. i’m a people pleaser so i was always looking for some way to connect with this guy, but i reckon that was coming across in a weird/bad way.
anyway at one point i found out we had the same birthday, year and everything! i thought it was pretty neat, but he thought i was lying. i got really insistent because from my perspective i had no reason to lie about something so mundane, and ig that rubbed him the wrong way because iirc he never spoke to me again.
I just stopped talking to them or responding well to their efforts. It’s a trend. I really couldn’t even tell you why with any absolute certainty, aside from the following thought that’s come up when trying to figure it out.
If you grow up in a situation where your parents move every couple of years for work, IMO you’re going to develop in one of two ways:
-you’re going to get really good at making new friends, real fast, and keeping in touch with people over time
-you’ll reach a point where you stop putting any effort into connecting with new people or keeping in touch with old friends, because what’s the point? You’ll be gone soon anyway.And if you’re in the latter camp, unless you put real effort into fixing it, that shit can stick with you long after the situation creating that condition is over.
I’ve made some progress, I suppose, in trying to at least be a friendly guy on the street open to chance encounters that theoretically could turn into a more robust friendship, but I’ve got a ways to go to get where I’d like to be re: that.
My own dumb actions.
I deserved it. We are on speaking terms now years later at least.
I was weak and lonely and easily susceptible to her boyfriend’s advances. We were quite young, early teens.
Joke was on all 3 of us… he hadn’t figured out yet that he was gay. Neither had she for that matter. They’re both infinitely more happy now. And I’m happy for them.
In 2016, when I voted Bernie Sanders.
I lost two friends that year, because they wanted Clinton.
Welp, we knew who voted for the right person back then.
She stole from me.
The Iraq War
Overdose
A friend of 8 years stole a few dresses from me while we were out on a trip. They weren’t necessarily expensive, just cute sundresses that I had bought after saving up some money with my first big job. After returning home, I texted her to get one back because it was the dress I wore on my first date with my (now) husband and was sentimental. I was willing to part with the other ones. Her response was “Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
We lived ~20 minutes apart. After that, I was ghosted. She continued to wear the dress and post photos online, blocking me so that I couldn’t see, but other friends saw and reported back to me. Safe to say she was not invited to the wedding.
That’s such a weird way to execute that… like if you’re gonna steal someone’s style, just go buy copies or something very similar. Still weird, but way less weird than what this chick did.
Maybe she was trying to be you or some shit.
Good riddance, sorry about the dresses though
“Since I already have it with me, it would be easier if I just keep it and not have to find a way to get it to you.”
Wow, she sounds annoyed that you’d expect your stolen items returned.
