If this happened once instead of constantly
You talk about women right ? Because as a man I would love that it would happen all the time to me
you’re assuming that because you don’t have to live with the reality.
add in the constant awareness that most rapists occur by men against women and most men are stronger than women.
you wouldn’t like theae solicitations or straight up molestation and assaults if you were constantly in danger of being raped and being reminded that men found you attractive or available.
Been raped twice by two different women, I’d still be fine with it. If I let my experiences with women (that + 3 serious relationships ended in them cheating) cloud my judgement of the entire gender I’d be an “incel,” so I don’t, I give each individual a fair shake because my past trauma isn’t their fault.
all of that rings untrue, and if it is true; it’s clear that you are not understanding or empathizing with any perspective other than your own, you’re only looking at it through your own understanding of the world, which by what you’ve written is extremely limited.
of course the situation feels different to you from your perspective, you are living in a different situation in different circumstances.
in your imagination land, sexual assault is a compliment.
If you talk to women, they view sexual assault as an assault.
they view sexual harassment as offensive and unwelcome, not as your imaginary compliment.
get out of your own head, this is not about you.
I’m used to not being believed, at least you didn’t say the classic “you must’ve liked it due to (insert natural biological response to stimulus)” like most people do though I guess. Good for you.
But no, I’m sharing about how I feel in response to you telling me how I “would” feel, which you don’t get to do, yet you continue above telling me what I feel. How about you stick to you and let others have their own feelings on what happens to them?
“how about…let others have their own feelings on what happens to them?”
because you’re attempting to speak for others by replying with your own offensive, not-credible a anecdotes.
you’re doing exactly what you’re complaining about.
nobody cares if you like pretending that rape wouldn’t bother you or being constantly sexually assaulted wouldn’t bother you, that’s not what this thread is about.
it’s not some imaginary thought experiment about you or for you to project your own very different circumstances onto.
this is about real women who don’t like being sexually assaulted and raped, and you’re implying through your unbelievable stories about how rape is fine for you and then imagining hypothetical situations where you have no ill will toward the potential rapists assaulting you constantly, which is ridiculous and offensive.
you are being called out because you sound like you’re making everything up, and even if you somehow aren’t, your own feelings immaterial to this topic or other people who have this happen to them in completely different circumstances than your stories.
fine, you want to believe you like rape. that doesn’t mean other people should be raped because you like it.
you’re narcissistically making a completely different situation concerning different people about yourself and how you would be fine within awful circumstances, which is simply not credible and offensive.
also, you’re(likely) pretending that you were raped by women, this is about being assaulted and raped by men.
put your orifices on the imaginary line there and see if you still feel the same about your rape fantasy.
but after you do that, keep it to yourself because I don’t care and nobody in the real world cares about your fantasies, those are for you.
this practical topic is not for you to share your fantasies or your narcissistic dismissals of real life sexual harassment.
Been raped twice by two different women, I’d still be fine with it. If I let my experiences with women (that + 3 serious relationships ended in them cheating) cloud my judgement of the entire gender I’d be an “incel,” so I don’t, I give each individual a fair shake because my past trauma isn’t their fault.
Hope that helps! I’ve lost patience with you, you’re arguing in bad faith now calling someone saying “smile more” literal rape, invalidating what happened to me (actual rape) with that horse shit is a bad look but you do you. OH I almost missed the part where you straight up say “rape isn’t as bad when women do it” holy shit I don’t like you.
What are you talking about, I said that I as a man would love to be cat called not that I would love that as a woman . I never receive compliment and I can assure you that I would love to be cat called.I don’t say that what you said is false (it s not), just that its not what I was talking about.
“What are you talking about…”
you are not talking about getting catcalled, you are saying that if you got complimented, you would like it.
that is not what is happening to womenn getting catcalled; they are not receiving compliments, they are being harassed.
If you were catcalled multiple times a day every day you wouldn’t find it as fun, since these are not components so much as an attempt to engage with you personally, which is time-consuming and doesn’t benefit you, it only benefits the harasser, especially with the accompanying implication of rape or violence with each incident of harassment throughout the day.
I was talking about being cat called and I already got your point on how its horrible for woman to be always cat called because of the intimidation and threat that it implie.
…then you insisted that you would enjoy being catcalled, so I wanted to clarify that you wouldn’t enjoy being catcalled; you would enjoy a different situation in which you are occasionally complimented in good faith without the threat of violence, which is a completely different situation than what women go through everyday being catcalled.
you wouldn’t enjoy being catcalled.
you would enjoy receiving occasional good-faith compliments without the lurking threat of violence.
Constantly, really?
I’ve seen you comment around here before and you have a tendency to make bad faith arguments and it seems like maybe lie about who you are to try and make a point and snap at people who question your history while making similar assumptions yourself. If you offered something critically substantial then I’d understand but you often don’t try and simply seem to be a doubter and critic without any real argument. So I’m curious who you are and what you get out of this. If I’m completely off the mark then forgive me but that’s how it looks through the shallow lens of internet commentary
I don’t usually follow people around online. Weirdo. If you don’t wanna talk to me don’t. You don’t need to bend everyone to your will all the time
If I didn’t want to talk to you then I wouldn’t have asked. And I recognize your name like I recognize Squid or Pug, It’s not a huge community. I’m not trying to bend anyone to my will I’m just curious where you’re coming from
constantly, really:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rvq9krecA8g
and men don’t start cat calling women after they reach what is thought of as an “appropriate” age to harass someone:
Do you have any actual studies on this rather than YouTube videos? You know, the ones that show you raw unobscured data? Because I can take a camera to the main plaza, ask 100 women if they ever had insert experience till 3 out of a 100 say yes, interview them, cut it together, and make it seem like its happening to every single one of them. Data obscuration is the easiest way to manipulate outcomes of studies.
yep, this case study records about 10 cat calls per hour:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9900418/
also, what do you have against video evidence?
they studied the YouTube comments, most of which dismissed or defended the harassment, as you are doing.
there are many studies and videos about common, everyday open harassment and assault against women.
you should try talking to some of the women in your life.
ask them what it’s like for men to make solicitations end comments about their appearance in public and how often it happens.
then ask how old they were when they first harassed or molested.
your assumptions and implications from your comment show that you have no experience here; these talks will be enlightening for you.
The single most important benefit of getting to be an old woman is I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore.
women don’t do that, because they subconsciously know like 80% of men (including me) would see that as an opportunity for a pickup line, like “I would, if you went out with me” or “a hug/kiss would cheer me up” or some other borderline creepy stuff.
Why is it creepy to be attracted to someone and tell them you’re attracted to them? Isn’t that, like, biology? What we’re programmed to do?
Is it creepy for male birds to do mating dances to try to impress female birds?
Read the room though.
At a dating event? Sure.
At the bus stop? Uuuuh make small talk before that.
At work? Yikes.
It’s creepy if they are not much attracted to you or don’t know yet and it’s hard to tell at first, hence you should be unobtrusive. The reason is, some men won’t take no for an answer and many women are a bit scared by that and knowing you like them can mean they have to be more careful around you.
It’s not exactly a pickup line but it is expressing interest. And that’s how a lot of men use the line.
Telling someone they should “smile more” isn’t expressing interest. It’s a very weird demand. If you’d like to express interest in someone please consider a different approach.
No, it’s the “you look cute” part. As a man, I rarely ever get compliments. A “you look cute” would make my entire day. And I would smile at that!
“You should smile more” is a subtle way of saying “why are you such a stuck up bitch? Am i not good enough for you?”
I’ve endured the male equivalent of this my whole life.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Why?”
“You look angry.”
“This is just my face!”
That’s not really a male thing, nor is your example an equivalent. All sexes can get the angry face comment because people misinterpret others expressions wrong all the time. Not everyone is lucky enough to have resting beauty face. Heck just yesterday I was literally told by a nationally renowned dentist that my “small polite smile” would in fact labelled a grimace… oof.
There is usually a sexual connotation in being told to smile (to look prettier to the viewers), while being asked if something is wrong generally doesn’t have the same sexual undertones/motivations. The equivalent to the post would literally be a woman getting catcalled/told to smile and them thinking about escape routes. The difference in the gender swap is when the guy hears the smile comment they move on thinking about smiling (as shown by your comment), while the lady hears the smile comment and wonders if she’s in an unsafe situation that could possibly end their life.
Don’t get me wrong, both situations are awkward and uncomfortable to be in/navigate. Both put the onus the person hearing it to engage their defenses as to dispell/appease the accusations. And while both deal with fear, it really is just the power dynamics and inherent sexual nature that makes for entirely different interactions/outcomes.
(I say woman/man but the scenario still stands when women= any person smaller or weaker and man= any person with an inherent power/advantage over another. So if a big guy did the same to a weaker guy, the scene plays out the same as a powerful lady and the frail lady, or a strong lady and smaller guy.)
Here we go, someone mentions how an issue affects men and it’s instantly shut down with “well women have it worse”.
Just like men do to women online. It’s almost like we’re an absurd ape species that didn’t evolve to appropriately handle the social tech we devised for ourselves. So much of online fighting is fake as hell too. What a stupid fucking ape creature we are.
I feel like with men’s issues it’s more consistent, but as a man I probably notice it a lot more so who knows.
You must have missed my last paragraph. It doesn’t matter the sex/gender of the person, but it does matter who holds the natural power/advantage in any situation. Being stronger, taller, quicker, larger, heavier, speaking first, and speaking louder are all innate advantages and any person can find themselves being any of those things depending on the situation they are in.
My pointing out that those are two separate situations and not equivalent experiences due to differing power dynamics is in no way shutting down or stopping the conversation. It is rather making space for there to be a better comparison to be made.
Being told to smile is inherently sexual in its nature, it’s a demand to look prettier for the pleasure of the viewer/speaker. The statement is usually said unprovoked and carries the hint of threat from the speaker as they have set themselves up as the person with the power by simply making the demand first. The one being catcalled is automatically on the defense and has to choose to cooperate or refuse, both answers may come with a future physical/sexual threat. In this scenario you are prey and the predator’s eye is on you (maybe for food, maybe for play).
Someone asking if you’re mad, assumes they know you in some way even if just in passing. It also assumes you have some power that they fear your anger/upset and are hoping to mitigate it to protect themselves if possible. That question can come from a from a sincere place or an insincere one, but it really isn’t a sexually inclined question. The question can be asked as concern for you, concern for themselves, or both. The person asking has the power of speaking first which forces you to respond -agree, refute, or ignore the statement. The asker then gives over the power to you, allowing you to direct the rest of the conversation with your response. In this situation you are the predator and the asker is the prey that is hoping that you already have a full belly.
Lastly in my previous comment I validated their experiences and even shared my own struggles with the particular issue they mentioned. I also acknowledged and empathized with the frustrations that come with the given situations.
So what’s a better situational comparison of ‘you are prey and the predator’s eye is on you’?
The whole idea that it would be a demand is baffling to me.
Someone asking if you’re mad, assumes they know you in some way even if just in passing.
Nope. It’s the same way as people might think someone looks happy, we just look at faces and try to interpret their emotions. And some people’s faces set off the “looks angry” assumption.
In this situation you are the predator and the asker is the prey that is hoping that you already have a full belly.
Taking the stance that someone else is a predator based on how they look and you might be their prey. And not only that, saying that aloud to them. Can be pretty damn insulting.
-The comic literally states that he should smile more and that is a demand on how he should be. If he wanted to smile he would.
-The angry face is a thing that I acknowledged and agreed with, and said I had experience with in my first comment. Please re-read for better comprehension.
-My sentence"…even if just in passing" implies the inclusion of someone who you may not otherwise interact with. Strangers who talk to you are inherently in a more intimate category than strangers who don’t talk/interact to you.
-Saying that the people in the situations given are in positions akin to predator and prey is an apt analogy. It is not saying someone turns into a bear and the other a fish. There are many shifts of power during conversations and not acknowledging the natural and situational power dynamics does everyone a disservice.
I never once said that someone’s looks were the reason they were the predator/prey in a situation.
The comic literally states that he should smile more and that is a demand on how he should be.
“If you like X you should visit Y, you’d probably really like it”
“How dare you demand I visit Y!”
LOL
Ahhh my gf keeps asking me if I’m fine. I guess I just have a resting sad face or something.
That’s the experience for some neurodivergent or somehow naïve women the first time. I was one of them (I thought older men were being kind with my teenage self). Then you start getting the same comment again and again: it often feels insincere. You start suspecting and learning about all the ways [mostly] men can be manipulating or even dangerous in the streets. It starts becoming bittersweet; you learn to ignore it just in case it’s the people with bad intentions. You know that, if someone really wants to tell you that you’re pretty or something, they will make an effort to make you feel safer too. And then, you are in your twenties and those men don’t talk to you nearly as often, and it’s a relief. As a heterosexual/bisexual woman, you hope that the rest of men can see you as more than a pretty body: a human with dreams, hobbies sense of humor, intelligence, whatever. Sometimes it’s scary to know that many men don’t, but many others do, so… yeah, my leftism hopes it gets better, as with many other social issues.
That’s my experience.
The disconnect between women and men is sad. Women say soo many things with the best of intentions, that just end up cutting way too deep and vice versa.
A lady told me I have nice eyes once. That was 20+ years ago and I’ve never forgotten that shit.
I had the same thing happen while I was working as a cashier. Turns out she was actually scamming me, they used footage of it happening to train new people.
Big oof
Same. She just kept staring into my eyes. In fact I think I was told the same thing by 3 different girls.
Same. I was at an eye hospital and they wouldn’t stop staring.
I still remember the compliment i got about my eyebrows back in high school. I got super flustered and ran out of the class. I have a love/cringe relationship with that moment.
A woman once told me that. Oh boy, did that stick with me for a long time.
A girl also told me I have nice eyes during high school. That was literally one of the bitterly few highlights of high school for me.
I wore a colorful shirt at school and a random girl told me she liked it. I wore colorful shirts every day at school for 2 whole years.
Pretty sure would smile a lot more if they received more positive attention ngl.
Someone told me I had an ugly smile once and I am still insecure about my smile to this day. If people told me I had a beautiful smile and that I should smile more, I think that would be amazing. I would be surprised, but really happy.
Hey @[email protected] you have a beautiful smile! 😁
Aw, thank you
The person who told you that has an ugly personality.
I’d just look around to see who else is in on the joke
Who hurt you
It was pretty funny when women thought “how would you feel if” would work in this case. They clearly didn’t know how starved of positive attention men are.
positive attention
So starved of positive attention that you mistake creepy demands for compliments?
you look cute
Definitely a compliment
you should smile more
Dunno what the intention was, I read it as “you look cute when you smile” but could be “you would look (even) cuter if you smiled”. If it’s either of those, that’s going to my compliment book.
And yes, men are famine level starved of positive attention. So this “creepy demand” (demand??) defintely would count for me.
Last week people in Lemmy were arguing that someone knocking on your doorstep was akin to being a hostage, so yeah, they would clearly think of that as “demand”
Lemmy is full of the lowest common denominator spurred on by trolls. Nothing the collective said should ever be taken as serious without your own further research off platform.
sighs…I know, I know
Yeah, no one has ever told me that I had a beautiful smile and that I should smile more… I never get compliments and very rarely get any appreciation. I helped a friend of a friend fix electrical issues saving him thousands that he didn’t have? Just a generic “thanks.” The guy offered to feed me because his wife was getting chinese but his wife didn’t get me any and they just ate their food while I worked.
Where I live 12 beers or a bottle of vodka is the standard payment
Old ladies at my first job would tell this to Male interns all the time.
Productivity at 130%
Middle management hates this simple trick!
I think having anyone tell you to smile more in any situation that isn’t a posed photo is creepy because it’s invalidating your emotional state, or telling you to stop feeling your feelings and replace them with how the other person wants you to feel… the most fucked-up instance of this that’s happened to me was when a female therapist suggested “smiling more” as a prescription for depression.
All that aside, I have actually been catcalled on the street by women, and since it doesn’t happen to me all the time I just found it funny. I have also been complimented in the office on my appearance by a female supervisor and it felt creepy, but had much worse sexual harassment from a male boss who apparently wasn’t even gay, just doing it to mess with me.
