I’ve had female friends and I’ve had male friends but for some reason I’ve noticed that females are more intimate and close to there friends then males are. Is this true for all male friends?
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There are no universal truths about the behavior of “men” and “women” (nor other gender identities)
However, I believe men (at least in the US) are often socialized to more emotionally closed off. Like the only emotion allowed is anger. Other emotions are seen as weak or femme (which are viewed as the same)
Girlfriends have naked bubble make out pillow fights. Guys do not.
Can confirm. There are a few web sites that have video evidence. Google it, and thank me later.
You are going to the wrong parties
No. Not in my experience anyway. That said, furries are a whole different breed. Furries love sharing physical intimacy. Cuddle piles in the furry community are a real thing.
“furries are a whole different breed.”
I see what you did there
100% intended. But seriously, the furry community is the place where you’ll get guys being just as cuddly as gals, if not moreso, depending on your orientation.
I tell my boys I love them. Kisses on the forehead before we part too.
I think it’s interesting that you are comparing “men” and “girls” as opposed to either boys and girls or men and women.
No judgement. Just thought that was interesting.
They all mean the same thing basically
They’re not the same thing, though. If you use infantilizing language with people of one sex until they’re 40, yeah, people are going to notice that and think it’s weird. I used to have a ton of unexamined behaviors like that before I worked on it a fair amount, and yeah, I was pretty lonely back when…
I don’t think most people care. Granted, maybe it’s the dysphoria speaking, but I love it when someone calls me “girl” and I’m 30. None of the people I know care. If anything it feels more familiar to call someone a girl or a boy than a man or a woman. The latter two feel very “official”, while the former feel casual.
Also I’ve absolutely heard girls call a group of men, “boys”. Like, one of the white suburban mom stereotypes is to call her husband and his friends, “the boys”. Like, “hey honey, how was hanging out with the boys” or “oh, he’s off with the boys doing who knows what”.
I share your sentiment, whenever one of my aunts calls me a '“good-looking boy,” my mid-30s heart warms up.
In addition, we will all mature only when we realise that we never stop being children in one way or another. Plus why would anyone want to give that up? One of the few nuggets of genuine joy and curiosity that’s still left for us to own.
I think what you and @mossyfeathers@[email protected] are picking up on is that youth-coded descriptors are often terms of endearment. They’re often used flirtatiously and towards people of whom you feel protective.
Conversely, adult names imply responsibility. Is it a problem to describe men in a way that implies responsibility and women in a way that implies protectiveness? Not necessarily.
I just think this stuff is linguistically interesting. I think it’s more grammatically typical to use equivalent terms to create parallel construction when comparing the sexes. Again, no judgment is intended.
Idk, you think this woman’s use of the word “girl” is likely contributing much to her lonliness? I mean that’d probably be true if she was a man because people would automatically assume the worst, but in my experience women can usually get away with saying “girl” without anyone caring.
Good thing you’re not judging. If it was the passive aggressive criticism it looks like on the surface, it might contribute to this very topic of people feeling safer keeping to themselves than speaking freely and saying the wrong words.
Alright.
I just like words and linguistics. No one needs to be the bad guy here.
Females
I, for the life of me, can’t understand why everyone is so concerned about the word.
When I say “male”, no one bats an eye. Should I say “female”, hell breaks loose.
The word “female” exists along with “male”, just the same way “women” exists along with “men”. It’s just an adjective form. There’s no need to overcomplicate it, and no inherent intent to do whatever bad you assume when someone says it.
There are people that use females in all contexts. They use it when women would work better. They mix it with “men”. They do not use it in the same context that they would use male. And they use it in a derogatory way.
Sad to know it’s happening. Though I must assume it’s mostly part of cringey right-wing/incel culture along the lines of “your body, my choice” etc. Do you think it’s common enough around Lemmy to justify policing of a very regular word? Or do you think it may serve as a common enough trigger?
I think it is common enough in life to police it everywhere.
You gets it
Yet tbf, people usually say that’s a problem when it’s used alone as in “females and men” because “nobody says ‘males,’” but here she says “females and males.”
Personally, if I write a post like this I’d write “women and males” even though it’s clunky and awkward, just so the sanctimonious crowd doesn’t have shit to say, but she did the thing that people say is fine to do and yet still gets accused of being a ferengi. I know it’s exciting to feel like you’re better than someone and jump to correcting their behavior but it’s possible we’re jumping the shark here.
Edit: btw, as per OP’s post history, she’s a “23yo female with a 76 IQ.” Lay off man, jeez!
I’m not in the habit of stalking a poster’s history before making a reply. But I looked at OPs profile to confirm what you said. They posted that they want to speak better. They edited the post to say girls instead of females. We can get into the problem of referring to adult women as girls but for now I’ll just accept that they saw that there was a need to use anything other than female as a win.
Tbh I’m not in that habit either, I had wrote “he” but after I posted I caught the :3 in her uname, so I checked and came back and corrected it. Also, I had a feeling from the writing style she may have been ESL which I was going to mention too if so, but yeah both those reasons are why I checked this time.
As to the rest of it, she’s already corrected you that she did not edit the “females” out so I don’t have to mention it. Instead I’ll mention that A) You had no knowledge of her will to speak better before you were rude to her about her word choice, so you can’t claim you were “just trying to help bro” or anything like that, B) if you were trying to “help her speak better” being a dick about it isn’t the best way to go. Hell even if you’re trying to police a woman on how she speaks about women because you think how she does it is immoral, being nice is a much more effective strategy, “catch more flies with honey” as it were (but for fruit flies use vinegar.)
And apologized.
“They edited the post to say girls instead of females.”
I didn’t do that
Sorry. I stand corrected. I only looked at the title when I made that comment.
No. I think men and women express intimacy to each other in different ways.
*their
“there friends” would be like… friends that are somewhere else. As opposed to “here friends”, I guess
Their* than*
I’ll keep that in mind
IDK if it’s an easy way to remember or not, but the way I think about it is then relates to time, than relates to a comparison.
Their relates to ownership. There relates to direction. They*'re* relates to describing (that’s probably the easiest as the apostrophe tells you it is a shortened version of two words, “they are”)
To actually answer your question though I can only relate to my personal experience and say no, as a man the men I know don’t express emotion that well and we aren’t that “close.” The women I’ve known tend to be much closer to their friends, but my experience is limited there.
No. Next question.
What does the moon taste like?
Creme Cheese. Next Question.
do you think my cat is cute?
Yes, cats are by definition cute. Next question.
Only on Tuesdays. Next question.
40 year old male here. My friends and I will hug each other if we feel someone needs a hug.
Just last week I was in a bad mental state and my friend came and picked me up to get get me out the house and meet other friends and then discuss what was up with me and told me to reach out more when feeling down.
I try to be that open with my good dude friends, but I only have a couple I’d consider good. Most are superficial friendships based on a single common interest.
My friends’ humour is extremely homoerotic and we constantly simulate gay sex (as a joke)
You tell yourself that
Same here. But I wouldn’t call that intimacy in the same sense as he was referring to in females. Me and my boys don’t cuddle
Oh we also cuddle all the time and then someone tries sucking someone’s dick (cause it’s funny)
Remember to say ‘no homo’ before pulling out or it doesnt count
maybe 100+ years ago before gay panic really got going.
I’d wager the opposite. I’d say men hug more now.
Source: am secretly a Highlander
yes, we’re not all incels and taters and fundamentalist wannabe strong men
