this happens in a public park.
first time this happens to me afaik. I was just stretching with black leggings and a t-shirt. I noticed him 100 yards away walking around but always looking at me. Upon making eye contact he would look away but as soon as I turned to stretching, he’d look at me.
He started slowly approaching me and at one point stood at like 15 yards from me, but still separated by a fence. At that point I decided to cut my work out short and left avoiding eye contact.
I consider myself lucky because he didn’t follow me.
What scared me the most is he was bigger and taller than me.
If this ever happened to you, how did you react? How do I react next time this happens?
If you’re alone and/or feeling potentially unsafe, you did the right thing no question. Prevent the situation from escalating, get away, leave him to his daily routine of making people feel uncomfortable.
If you have a greater audience and you’re in a safer setting, you could consider calling him out. Make eye contact, flip him off, make him know he is not being appreciated. That could be a learning moment, but it could also be the moment when he starts giving you extra attention as you have acknowledged his existence and/or hurt his ego. So it could go both ways and should never be attempted without bystanders.
In a setting where you’re in a mixed gender group, make a male friend aware of the situation and ask them if they could go tell the creep that they’re making you uncomfortable. Men are sadly more likely to believe that their behaviour is creepy when it’s coming from other men, in my experience.
Raising awareness of the issue in general is good, and judging by the comment section here so far there’s not all that much of it around. So that’s also something. I think this is really a question that should go out to men more than to women - what should we do when we observe men making women feel uncomfortable? How can we react in a constructive manner?
if he just watches, it’s harmless. maybe annoying for you, if you dislike being watched. you don’t know his intentions. maybe he was just getting closer to cheer or something.
also, wanting to have sex is on it’s own also harmless and natural. doesn’t mean he’s a rapist.
i think his actions do not necessarily call for a reaction. just, as you also felt uncomfortable, you did the right thing. it’s public space, so even if it’s rude, everyone can stare at whomever they want. you always risk being exposed to rude people when you do things in public. sometimes the best thing you can do is just leave. But if you’re not alone, you can call him out to find out more about his intentions. Maybe he’s chill and will change his behaviour once he’s aware it makes others feel uncomfortable or even threatened.
Matthew 5:27-30 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
theres something terribly gross about using the bible as a rape deterrent… ya know, considering all the condoned rape and murder by that ‘god’
god kills more humans than any other entity in that tome
Where’s the condoned rape
Why not cut to the chase and tear off my dick and throw it away?
Matthew 15:11. ESV it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person." NIV What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them."
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Okay. Keep creeping on women, then
I highly recommend this channel. But this video in particular is topical.
Focus on your exercises and don’t get distracted by other people. If you can’t keep up your attention move to another place less crowded.
Ignoring predators, a good idea
I know this isn’t an awesome answer, but safety is more important than standing your feminist ground sometimes: either go to another yoga class or bring a friend. It sux to rearrange your life because of some weirdo, but less than being attacked. Also, consider keeping mace or a whistle on you in case there is a confrontation.
Call him out loudly and publicly.
Antagonizing him is not a good idea. Finding others in the park and alerting them of the situation and asking them to help you get out of sight safely is the option with the least risk.
You don’t want to create a situation where a creep has a reason to remember you
You did the right thing: you kept an eye on your environment, and you had an exit plan.
Give em a toot n’ wink 😉
But in all seriousness, if there were other women around then call that shit out. If its just you stay safe and call a friend/pretend that they’re meeting you.
Lots of people giving advice here, but I’m not seeing the most important advice being emphasized.
Always trust your gut. Listen to that uneasy feeling and act on it.
We developed this intuition over millennia for a reason. Your subconscious will pick up on cues even if you consciously aren’t catching it.
Listen to that uneasy feeling and act on it.
Unless it’s about some other group of people than men.
Pulling out your gun and shooting the brown skinned dude going for a jog is a little bit different than packing it in and resolving to do yoga another day
Yes that moral imbalance also striked me when reading this. When grandma has a gut feeling towards brown people and talks about that, she’d be called a bigot here. But when it’s about men, the highest upvoted advice is to listen to the feeling of fear in your gut…
If people only listened to their gut all people from a different culture which similar but not same body language as well as people with a disability would be even more estranged than today.
What does your gut tell you about the guy in line at the tell who keeps his hand in his pockets and fiddling with something who then seem to panic a bit when someone tries to look him in the eyes? Is it a robber or an autistic person who don’t want to show his hand due to having a stim toy and have learned to not stim in public view?
I don’t know what gender you are, but you’ve just triggered my spidey-gut.
I don’t disagree with the advice to trust your gut, so I can’t blame you for doing the same thing.
I’m getting sexist racist homophobic anti trans vibes here. Should I trust my gut?
If what I’m saying even remotely resembles something your caricature of the “other” might say, then the only logical conclusion, of course, is that I must be exactly like them.
I’ll take that as a yes.
Oh no! A random person on the internet thinks I’m something I’m not. How can I ever recover from this.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker is a book about exactly this. It’s definitely worth a read, and his methods have been used by countless celebrities & public figures to assess threats.
You got me, this is what I’m referencing.
If the topic of books comes up in conversation with random people I always recommend it if that’s the only book they read in their lifetime
First - great job!
Take some time to recognize that you did well, even without practicing beforehand. You realized something shady was going on and got yourself safely out of there. You took action when you needed it most.
Ok, now to your questions.
You always want to check around you:
- What are your exits? Can you get to your car?
- Are there other people around who can help you?
- Are there any other threats? (Is there another man coming up behind you?)
- Do you have cell service to call police?
Once you have those questions answered, you can decide what you want to do.
-Sometimes, the answer is to leave immediately.
-Sometimes, you can go hang out with other people at the park and pretend to know them. Just tell them you’re scared of the guy watching you, pretend laugh for a couple minutes with them, and hopefully he leaves. If he doesn’t, then you can still leave, but he “knows” you were just with “friends.” You can even ask them to walk with you to the exit.
-Sometimes, the answer is to call a taxi so the guy can’t see what car you get into, and come back later for your car.
-Sometimes (as long as there are other people in the park), the answer is to confront him (from a distance). “Why do you keep looking at me? It’s weird.” Or, “Stop looking at me.” Or, “Fuck off.”
If you’re a woman, this isn’t the last time you’ll have an encounter with a guy like this.
In the future, recommend going with a friend or a dog if you can. Or, try to meet up with a local yoga group at the park (or start one!).
Final note - you didn’t deserve this. You deserve to be safe doing any activity in any clothing in any area. I’m sorry that wasn’t your experience. Sending you hugs.
Edit: One other option I forgot - Situation permitting, get evidence. Take a picture and/or video as you walk away. Your priority is still your safety, but getting evidence is helpful too so that you can identify the person later on (and also back up your story when it’s questioned because #america).
I get that it’s not very fun to talk about, but I wish women would tell men about these constant risk assessments more often. We live in parallel worlds and it seems most men are completely fucking oblivious - even many of the mostly well meaning ones. And even when they’re told about it they might initially dismiss it as crazy talk.
Yes. Say it out loud.
I am almost 50 years old and understood for the first time this month that the reason my wife doesn’t like going out alone to explore new places is fear of men and not fear of getting lost etc.
For mumble-mumble years it has never occurred to me to wonder about this
She definitely doesn’t deserve this.
That being said, addressing him directly and with power, but calmly could be an option. Don’t do it alone, but approaching a little and saying “I’ve noticed you at least 5 separate times and it’s creeping me out, please stay away from me.”
He’ll most likely deny it or try to play it off, maybe even insult her, but standing her ground and saying “I don’t believe you, I’m only asking nicely this time, there’s no next time without the cops” and then walking away.
No insulting, no debating. It’s a notice.
And of course, actually follow through, you see him again then call the non-emergency line and make a report. He can lie all he wants, once somebody has 2 or 3 police reports to prove he keeps showing up where they are then they can get a TRO within days.
It’s not fair that she has to essentially make this her part time job, but it can be an effective option that doesn’t have the side effects of making her look or feel at fault.
It’s incredibly frustrating that the one being wronged has to keep their composure
Excrete explosive diarrhoea on the spot, and film it and put it on a prank channel on youtube.
“Take a picture; it will last longer!”
You’re giving permission to expand his spank bank that way. Not recommended.
Do you typically get permission before privately enjoying a photo of an attractive person?
I’m not a weird creeper so that question is a non sequitur.
Weird creeper or not, why does it matter if anyone has that kind of permission?
Username checks out.
At first I was like there’s nothing wrong with looking, but it went beyond looking. Does the park have cameras? If not, consider bringing one or two but actually take the time to make them functional to a cloud dvr of some kind. Then place them in super obvious places by you.
It sucks to need to do extra things but it’s better to be safe regardless.
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Shout loudly: “Get lost pervert!”
This works better when there are lots of people around.
