I need sleep
I hide my katanas in them
I contact every James Randi-type paranormal debunker that I can find and explain my power to them. I agree to all of their terms and agree to demonstrate it to them under whatever tightly controlled absolutely perfectly sterile conditions they want.
And I do it for them, claim my prize money, and continue on with my life.
My power is to summon a baguette, not unlimited baguettes, so I gotta make that one count and I think that’s my best to get the most bang for my buck.
Or if I get to decide where exactly that baguette is summoned to, perhaps I will have it spring into existence occupying the same space as [REDACTED]'s brain stem. Having them out of the picture would greatly enrich my life.
So basically unlimited bread pudding, French toast, and of course capirotada!
Search up “ratatouille modern warfare”
No more giving money to homeless people. You get a stale baguette. Best of luck to you.
Can it be a 1 tonne baguette I would summon directly above someone’s head?
Metric ton or imperial?
Metric of course. I thought imperial measure have something to do with number of elephants.
According to wikipedia, the atmosphere has a mass of about 5.15×10^18 kg and a baguette has a minimum mass of 8×10^-2 kg
I only need to create 6.4×10^19 baguettes
Now i have to figure out how to monetize this
If you summon enough baguettes in the right spot in space, you generate enough mass to gravity-slingshot Earth into a new trajectory. Depending on what mood you’re in, you could use this to solve global warming, or send us into a collision course with the sun.
Oh that’s easy: sell it at an outrageous price in upscale North American restaurants as authentic “pain Francais”.
Reminds me of some American charlatan in the 1800s (I think it was the 1800s) who passed herself off as Chinese. To be fair they were able to get away with it because the Chinese were banned from the country.
Slice it. Toast it. Add toppings. Endless tapas.
I would rain down
bagelsbaguettes upon my enemies’ heads! Muhahaha.Baguettes AND bagels is too OP. Not fair.
Apparently I can’t read well the first 30 minutes of the day.
T O A S T
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please don’t the fuck go blind by making moonshine with your daily staley.
Unlimited garlic bread, yay!
I eat a lot of French toast.
My kids get breakfast on demand.
Feeding the homeless.
And if you park in the bike lane with your window open, you’re getting a very crumby backseat.
I was going to go with unlimited French Toast, but as the price of chicken eggs approaches Fabergé eggs, that may not work out.
Switching to garlic bread, croutons, and
croque madamedang it!There has to be a pretty good vegan french toast recipe somewhere for inspiration on egg replacement.
You mad genius, that could work!
A quick look shows cheap and plentiful cornstarch and ground flaxseed may do the trick! I’d eat that…
I use silken tofu, corn starch (bird’s custard powder) and oat milk as the basis for bread pudding. I assume it would also work for French toast.
The custard powder sounds like a great idea.
I have never used silken tofu. I like the firm stuff, but never knew what to do with the silken.
Blending it will give you something that’s roughly the texture of a milkshake. If you cook it for a long time, you can get some liquid out to make things like egg bites, but I prefer to either use it as the basis for sauces or puddings or to strain it and break it up manually to sautee it in a tofu scramble.
The soybean is one amazing thing!
I’ve made homemade tofu a few times before, and while I can’t do it in a large enough scale to be worth it, it is absolutely delicious! Even my old hound dog would be in the kitchen drooling more than I’d ever seen her for anything else while I cooked it. It was easy, cheap, and pretty fun making it curdle, but it’s also messy, uses a lot of things to clean, and takes a bit of time.
I could probably get a job at either of my local grocery store bakery departments with that.
